How do we heal shame and develop shame resilience? Shames grows and thrives through secrecy, silence and judgment. Shame hates being spoken. If we bring empathy to a situation which evokes shame, shame cannot survive.
“Will you stop guilt tripping me?!” exclaims Peter. His wife is surprised: “I am not trying to make you feel guilty. I am just trying to get through to you…” but Peter has shut down. His body language indicates that what he is actually feeling right now is not guilt but shame. Shame is one of the most destructive emotions in a relationship. It corrodes the parts in us that believe that we can do better.
A powerful antidote to the harsh and shaming Inner Critic voice is to develop an Inner Champion. The Champion supports us in being ourselves and in feeling good about ourselves. The Inner Champion is the ideal supportive parent. It helps us to see the positive truth about ourselves. It nurtures and cares for us, and provides guidance.
Helen got the opportunity to do a creative video project. She was excited. Yet, instead of starting to work on it, she cleaned up the entire house first. Then she started cooking a meal. Then she thought she should return some phone calls. She realized she was procrastinating. Does this sound familiar? Would you like to know how to shift out of procrastination and other blocks?
I am sorry are the three most powerful words in the English language if delivered with an open heart and sincerity. A meaningful apology can transform a relationship in a positive way, but an apology can also fall short and have the opposite effect. What constitutes an effective apology?