While you can’t have relationships without disappointments, you cannot have a solid love relationship without trust. Any upsetting surprise or discovery that makes us feel vulnerable, hurt or unsafe can be experienced as a betrayal and break of trust. One way in which trust issues enter a relationship is when there are significant differences between the partners in background, personality or preferences. Another risk factor for mistrust is a situation of unequal power. The worst trust killer is when one partner is less open than the other.
What keeps us stuck in a feeling of “unworthiness”, of “being a failure”, is not the mistake we have made but the lack of self-forgiveness and self-compassion. The feeling of “not being good enough” has its foundation in shame. The only way out of that swamp of shame and fear is through self-love and self-acceptance.
I ask, “How are you?” She replies, “Not that great. I have been feeling really down for the last two weeks. It all feels futile. I have failed in so many ways.”
The “I’m not good enough” story is almost universal. It is our default program but there is something we can do to alleviate this Inner Critic voice.
Who keeps the spotlight brightly focused on our shortcomings and our failures? Meet your Inner Critic and the other personality parts that play on its team. Find out how not to lose the game it wants to play.