Love is Not a Bargain

Have you ever asked yourself what love truly is?

In his book “Loveability,” Robert Holden answers this question quite eloquently. First, he reminds us of everything love is not:

Love is not an act. Love is being able to be our real selves.

Love is not idolatry. Love can only exist between equals.

Love is not special. You can have an exclusive agreement in a particular relationship, for example to be monogamous, but you can only love somebody as much as you are willing to be a loving person and love everyone.

Love is not selfish. “To love is… to will the good of another.” (Thomas Aquinas). True love is unconditional. It is not about what we want from somebody else but about what we want for them.

And last but not least, love is not a bargain.

This seems to be the one principle we most need reminding of. It is so common in our day and age to talk about giving and receiving in relationships and how there needs to be an equal balance as if we are talking about deposits and withdraws from a bank account. Instead of giving freely and without expectations, we tend to ask, “How much love am I getting out of this relationship”?

I am not saying we should not be honest with ourselves regarding whether a relationship works for us and if our needs and wants are met. If they are not met, we need to find a way to express them clearly and lovingly and make sure we are meeting our needs.

However, if we approach a love relationship with the question, “Am I getting as much love out of it as I am investing into it,” we have already signed the death sentence for that relationship. Ultimately, both partners will end up dissatisfied about giving too much love or not getting enough love. Giving conditionally is not love. Love is not a thing to give away. It is a way of being.

At one point in my life, I dated a gentleman who kept a careful tally. One of his favourite expressions was “I did this or that for you, and I am disappointed/hurt/unhappy that you haven’t done this or that for me in return.” As you can imagine, I didn’t stay in that relationship very long. His inability to give freely sadly killed any joy of giving on my part as well. I felt myself turning into a tally-keeper myself. I started giving grudgingly instead of giving out of love and joy and then letting it go, trusting that from somewhere in the Universe, the energy of giving would return at some point.

Love is not for sale or exchange. It does not cost us anything to give love because giving love is really just being loving. From that place of being loving, we feel like giving a favour, a service, a compliment, a gift, physical touch or our time without expecting anything in return. The joy lies in the loving and giving itself.

Even after all this time,

The sun never says to the earth:

“You owe me!”

Look what happens with

A love like that!

It lights the whole sky!

– Hafiz



Life and Belief Change Coaching


The Magic Potion to Create Harmonious and Loving Relationships

Are you struggling with your relationship with a particular family member, perhaps with a parent, sibling or child?

Is your marriage or partnership not harmonious or truly loving?

Are you single and do you want to attract a romantic relationship into your life?

Are you getting separated or divorced, and do you want the transition to be as positive as possible?


If I had a magic potion and could give you the relationships you want, what would that look like?

Guess what! YOU have that magic potion yourself. You can create relationships that unfold with ease, joy, and grace. Your relationships can be filled with love, harmony, peace, happiness, and acceptance. Even your relationship with an ex-partner can be cooperative and friendly.

All you have to do is mix your magic potion in the right way; the basic ingredients are working on your own beliefs, thoughts and feelings, and embodying loving kindness, forgiveness and acceptance.

We can never change another person but we can change ourselves. As you change your perception of the relationship you have to another person—as you shift how you feel about him/her and what he/she did—your entire experience changes.

The people we love are usually the best mirrors for us. They bring to our awareness issues we need to work on within ourselves. We can then shift out of judgment and into acceptance. As we confront and befriend the shadows they are showing us in our own being, we no longer get triggered by those loved ones.

Behind every experience there are beliefs and expectations.

If I judge a family member or partner, the relationship will lack mutual acceptance, appreciation and love. The change begins with me changing my judgments and feelings.

If I believe that I am not lucky with romantic relationships, “not being lucky” will be exactly the experience I have. The change starts with moving into a new expectation.

If I view my ex-partner as an enemy, the relationship will be one of disharmony. Change can happen when I am willing to let go of the past  and expect the best now and in the future.

For Shadow Work or Belief Changes with Psych-K and Hypnosis, contact Angelika


Do You Want to Heal a Relationship?

Some of the most beautiful and most rewarding work I do is around helping people heal their relationships. Each time I have the honour to facilitate a relationship alignment for a client, I know I am in complete synch with my life purpose to raise the vibration on this planet.  

We are all living in relationships, with our partner, with our children, with our parents, with members of the extended family, with work colleagues and friends. Each time one of us shifts the energy in a relationship away from judgment, anger, resentment, hurt, sadness, disappointment, etc. to pure love, we are taking a step closer to a planet of light and complete peace.

The beauty of this process is that it is not necessary for both people in the relationship to be physically present. Another person can stand in for an absent partner. Because we are all energetically connected, we can make shifts by balancing the chakras for both people and transform the issues and learning that arises.

You can balance the energy with someone who is still in your life and improve that relationship significantly, or with someone from the past to release an old relationship and to finally be free to move on. We can even do an alignment with someone who has already crossed over to still bring healing into that relationship.

A relationship alignment, which is a process from Shadowenergetics, is deeply touching, not just to experience, but also to witness. Each chakra is associated with different issues (support, respect, forgiveness, love, understanding, appreciation, just to name a few) and particular statements to work through as the two partners are opening up to a deep connection with each other. The stand-in partner is often surprised how much he or she can pick up intuitively about the feelings and thoughts of the person he or she is surrogating for. For both people, the process is usually emotional; the personal and spiritual learning is eye opening.


Is there someone in your life you want to have a truly harmonious and loving relationship with? Someone you have been struggling to have a good relationship with but you can just never quite manage to improve it? Now you can!

Call me or email me for more information on how to bring respect, appreciation, understanding and love into any relationship.