Tag Archives: Life Changes

What Is This COVID-19 Induced Activity Frenzy Really About?

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Over the last ten days, I’ve noticed how my e-mail inbox is literally flooded with double the number of e-mails than it used to be. Every single company is not just letting us know how they are handling the COVID-19 situation, which is good, but also offering discounts on clothing and products that we really do not need more of right now.

My inbox is also overflowing with e-mail offers for online get-togethers of all sorts: online games, movie nights, network meetings, community meetings, social gatherings and there seems no end to this. How can a social zoom gathering of my pickleball group—who without a doubt is a lovely group that I very much enjoy exercising with on the court twice a week—possibly be a substitution? I play pickleball because it is a fun way to move, so mostly for my health. It seems it would make much more sense to set the time aside for myself to get on my stationary bike, do some Yoga or go for a walk to stay fit and healthy.

Are we so afraid of our own company and the company of our loved ones that we need to flee to online games with strangers and online zoom chats with our sports groups?

While it’s important not to underestimate the immense value that we can find in connecting with people online to maintain a social life and keep from going stir-crazy, especially if we live alone, it’s more important than ever that we take the time for the opposite as well. What would it be like to take more time to slow down, feel the stillness, meditate and reflect on what is going on for us, rather than losing ourselves in meaningless distractions?

In some way, we are, of course, all fighting for a sense of normality. We all still need to make an income and, I am grateful that we can work through Zoom. There are great possibilities and gifts in this experience of having to adapt to the current situation. At the same time, I see among my colleagues a productivity frenzy as they are moving lectures, groups and workshops online as fast as they can. And, I freely admit this, I felt myself being pulled into this for a bit. Above the uncertainty about the future, that we all naturally feel in these times of a worldwide crisis, I also felt the pressure to be that coach who has it all together and just moves everything online right away.

Do we really need to convert our entire overly busy life to a virtual life right now, or have we missed out on an important hidden opportunity, when we do that? What is really behind this reluctance to take some time off? Is it the companies, organizations and sports clubs who fear they will cease to exist if they don’t go with the times and stay in touch with people?

I feel that it is important to give ourselves and our children time to emotionally and mentally adjust to the new circumstances, to ensure we don’t overload ourselves with online activities in an attempt to simulate normalcy. Let’s not forget that the world has for most of us only changed this dramatically in the last four weeks.

Six weeks ago, I was still on vacation with one of my daughters and now she is out of a job, and so is my other daughter. In February, I had clients come in daily, walking through the kitchen and living room area and downstairs to my home office. Now the kitchen and family room areas are in need of tidying up because we have become too comfortable with just letting things be. Or have we? Is this perhaps a time to enjoy that we do not need to go anywhere or have the house presentable for someone coming to us? And how can we cherish taking some time off when we are so busy recreating our lives online?

I am not saying that some of these online events aren’t helpful. The ones which feed your soul will be different from the ones that resonate with me. But more than ever, we need to be aware of not getting caught up in an activity and productivity frenzy. A lot of us have been too busy running around from event to event, as it was. My schedule was always full, and I am sure so was yours. And this applies even more so to families with younger kids. This is an opportunity to slow down and to be in the present moment. It is a chance to feel and to be aware. It is a time to find calm, peace and our inner centre. It is a time to stay fit, laugh and play games—not only online, but especially with the people closest to us who are in quarantine or self-isolation next to us: the family members who we are all seeing far more frequently now than we normally can.

One of my online German students in Switzerland, who I have always connected with once a week via Zoom even before COVID-19, said to me a couple of days ago that she didn’t have the time to do her homework because she chose to meditate every day and focus on staying calm and centred in the midst of everybody’s anxiety. My reply was, “Good for you!” How important is her German progress compared to the importance of understanding the messages we are getting through this crisis?

This period right now is a grief experience. We are experiencing different losses, concrete ones like the loss of a job and less concrete ones like a loss of safety and security. In reality, life was never predictable, but it felt more so before the COVID-19 pandemic. There is no right or wrong way to grieve! Grief means that we need to allow our individual grieving to proceed in its own way and time.

It is okay if you wake up in the middle of the night, not able to go back to sleep. It is okay if you are struggling to establish a daily fitness routine at home or move your classes or business online instantly. Given time and some grief work, not just our brains, but also our hearts will adapt. We will find completion of what we have lost, and peace in the new situation and with the new opportunities.

But what is most of all needed right now is some self-compassion. Ignore those colleagues or friends who are posting on social media about how well they are adapting or who are flooding your e-mail inbox with distractions. Remember that there is Facebook, and then there is real life, in which we don’t have to hide behind happy pictures or success stories. It is okay to take as long as it takes to adjust to the new normal! In fact, we will adjust faster, when we do not get lost in unnecessary distractions.

So which additional online invitations have I said yes to this week and will continue saying yes to? I have said yes to a Facetime with a young friend who had a daughter last year and who I usually visit once a month. It feeds my soul to see how the little one, who just learned to walk six weeks ago, has changed. I have said yes to regularly meeting online with a former student, who has become a brilliant fellow belief change coach himself, to do exchanges. We as coaches also need coaches or colleagues, as much for our own sanity as our clients do.

I will, of course, continue to connect with my dad, my uncle and my aunt, who are all in their eighties. Their love, wisdom and perspectives after having experienced other crises in their lives are nurturing and enlightening. Letting them know that I love and treasure them is one of the most important things I can do right now. I will continue to connect with other family members and close friends, but I will do it in a way that meets my needs. Rather than spending yet more time at the computer, I can speak to them on the phone while I go for a walk or sit in the backyard, which hopefully will soon be possible.

How different have even our walks become! It won’t be long, and we will all be wearing masks to protect others when we go out for walks or grocery trips, and I am all for that. As the world changes, we will need to relearn how to interact with others under these new circumstances. A nod, a smile and a friendly greeting are still possible with social distancing and more necessary than ever. Knowing how we want to be with each other, all begins with learning how to be with ourselves, our own feelings and fears. We cannot do that if we get swept up in a frenzy of online activity.

This is the time to wrap our mind around the fact that this experience will change us and our world forever. It is not going to be completely forgotten after a few weeks, and things won’t immediately, if ever, jump back to the way they were. Let’s rather acknowledge that we will be changed forever. It is the time to decide how we want to be changed for the better, when it comes to our relationships and our everyday life.

 

from April 1 to April 14

online sessions

for individuals and couples

who are financially struggling

20% off

If you have lost your job or you are struggling because you are self-employed, reach out and talk to me, especially if you are a previous client. I am here to help you and your family through this time.

If you are a health care worker or first responder, your session is complimentary right now, out of admiration and deep gratitude for what you are going through right now.

 

 

You can start with a free phone consultation.

Angelika

905-286-9466

greendoorrelaxation@yahoo.ca

Recovering From Our Losses

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Meet Tracy. She is an attractive woman with a warm smile. Her life is busy; she works; she has two children and an elderly father. She has learned to be strong for others, to keep busy and that time will heal all wounds. At night when the kids are in bed, she has a glass of wine or two and a bag of chips while watching Netflix. The alcohol, food and TV help her to relax and to not have to feel. Lately, she finds it harder and harder to get up in the morning and to keep going. Whenever she is not busy, a deep sadness is taking hold of her. This sadness is quite familiar.

She doesn’t know when she first started to have the lack of energy and these depressive thoughts and feelings. Perhaps, it was fourteen months ago, when her mother passed after a long fight with cancer. Or perhaps when she had two miscarriages and life just went on as if nothing happened. Or perhaps it was when her first marriage ended due to her husband’s infidelity. Or perhaps it was when her own parents divorced when she was fifteen. Or perhaps it all began when her beloved dog died when she was eight. Or perhaps this grief is as old as when she moved to Canada at the age of five not speaking a word of English, and having to leave her grandparents behind.

Grief is accumulative and it is accumulative negative. Our bodies become the storage tanks for all our losses and painful emotions because we were never given the tools to appropriately process our loss experiences. Our body speaks our mind through pains or other physical issues to let us know that the storage tank is over-flowing.

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Instead of listening to those physical symptoms, we have all learned to use some Short-Term Energy Relieving Behaviours (STERBS) like drinking alcohol, smoking, eating, watching TV, playing computer games, sleeping, taking meds, shopping, cleaning, exercising, working and so on to distract ourselves from the painful feelings associated with our losses. It is time to become aware of our STERBS and to address our buried emotions to gain greater happiness and health.

The grief recovery work is for losses we have experienced through death, divorce and 40+ other life changing events. Some examples are the loss of a love relationship or friendship, infidelity and the loss of trust, the death of a pet, a job loss, a move, an accident or illness, resulting perhaps in the loss of health or mobility, a miscarriage, stillbirth or abortion, physical, emotional or sexual abuse, and other life altering occurrences. Even positive life changes like graduation, marriage, or the birth of a child can be an experience of loss.

We are all faced with incomplete relationships and situations. We are all grievers in some form or other at different points in our life. In fact, grief spares nobody. The training to become a grief specialist involved deep personal healing work. After all, we can only take our clients to where we ourselves have been willing to go. As my workshop partner and I were sharing our loss history graphs, we were amazed how many similar patterns we found, despite the fact that he was 12 years younger, at a different stage in his life, of a somewhat different cultural background and of a different gender. The conclusion can only be that as humans, we all experience the same patterns of grief due to death, divorce and other losses.

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Grief is our normal and natural reaction to such a life changing event or loss. Grief occurs due to the conflicting feelings caused by the end or change of something familiar. It can masquerade as a powerful emotional state like deep sadness, depression or anger. Unresolved grief is almost always about us wishing things had been different, better, or more. We might have undelivered emotional communications with others. We also carry unrealized hopes, dreams or expectations. In case of the end of a good relationship, we might have had plans that never happened. In negative relationships, the end of the relationship robs us of the possibility to repair and make amends.

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The grief recovery work helps to complete our relationship to the pain caused by a significant emotional loss. It helps us to take responsibility for our actions, forgive others for theirs, and to deliver significant emotional statements. It is the opportunity to say goodbye to any pain or unmet hopes and dreams. We can then feel complete, live fully in the present and focus on any existing fond memories. The grief recovery work gives us freedom and newfound joy. It opens the door to health and happiness.

Angelika

Certified Grief Specialist, Belief Change Coach and Workshop Facilitator

905-286-9466

greendoorrelaxation@yahoo.ca

To purchase “The Grief Recovery Handbook” by John James & Russell Friedman from Amazon click here.

For individual sessions contact Angelika

Certified Grief Specialist, Belief Change Coach and Workshop Facilitator

905-286-9466

greendoorrelaxation@yahoo.ca

 

If you are enjoying my articles, you can follow Greendoor to receive an e-mail notification whenever I post a new blog. All you need to do is to click the “follow” button in the right-hand corner of your screen.

Empty Nest?

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Have you ever tried to push an emotion away instead of dealing with it? Doesn’t work so well, does it? It’s a bit like trying to push a beach ball under water. It is bound to pop up again sooner or later.

I had my own week of pushing down a beach ball. Ten days ago, my oldest moved out. She and I have always had a very strong bond. A friend of mine, who has a son a few years older, has been making foreboding remarks about the challenges of adjusting to children moving out for the last few months. Resolutely, I had refused to listen and “have her put suggestions into my head”. After all, her son had no siblings and the term “empty nest” did not apply to me at all.

When you google “empty nest syndrome” definitions like this one come up: “Empty nest syndrome is a feeling of grief and loneliness parents may feel when their children leave home for the first time. This can result in depression and a loss of purpose for parents, since the departure of their children from “the nest” leads to adjustments in parents’ lives. Empty nest syndrome is especially common in full-time mothers.”

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I just couldn’t see how that could possibly apply to me. I have my work which I love, a close loving partnership, another daughter and a stepdaughter. Does that sound like an empty nest? I was worried about how my younger daughter would deal with her sister being away from home. I feared she would miss her best friend and mentor. Her older sister is the one she is closely bonded into. However, I was not expecting to feel grief myself.

My daughter moved out on Friday. On Sunday, my stepdaughter, who is an intuitive little one, asked me twice out of the blue “Are you okay?” I replied to her I was feeling tired but secretly started wondering what she was picking up on. By Monday, I was starting to realize that I was suppressing something. The bond with my oldest is strong and I trust it will change and become in some ways even deeper than it is. So that was not it. Yet, I felt moody, restless and just not myself.

It took a couple of meditations and some muscle testing to realize what was being triggered. A very old primal fear came up. I traced it back to being barely four years old. At that time, shifts happened in my family with one of my sisters being born and my mother almost leaving my father due to another crisis. The experience I had back then was that it is not safe for me when shifts happen among the people I love. Once I had uncovered that limiting belief, it was easy to clear it out.

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We can clear out fears or limiting beliefs using PSYCH-K® or another belief change technique. In addition it can help to use NLP-based techniques of refocusing on what we want at this point in our life. This helps us to further adapt to changes and to be able to direct our creative energy towards our own/new goals.

Sometimes we underestimate periods of transition in our life. We are getting married or moving in with someone. We are having a baby. We are melting two families. Somebody moves out. We are getting a promotion into a more challenging position. Somebody in the family is retiring. All these are usually “happy” events. Yet, just like losing our job, a break-up of a relationship, a separation, a divorce or losing somebody through death, transitions shake us and require adjustments. They can trigger emotions and fears. They might bring limiting beliefs up to the surface. They are, however, a gift. They are an opportunity to do our growth work.

Are you going through a transition in your life?

For Life Coaching and Emotional Healing Work

Contact Angelika

905-286-9466

greendoorrelaxation@yahoo.ca

 

If you enjoy my posts, you can follow Greendoor to receive an e-mail notification whenever I post a new blog. All you need to do is to click the “follow” button in the right-hand corner of your screen.

Life Changes

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Life changes, such as a birth or a death, getting married, getting divorced or even moving house have a way of “throwing us off our routine”. We need to make a new start, find the equilibrium again. These events have a way of shaking our beliefs and challenging the way we think and feel.

Some of these events we tend to classify as “happy” or “joyous”, others as “sad” or “stressful”. Yet, they all have one thing in common, they bring change and potentially the experience of not being in control.

How do you deal with change? Do you thrive on change? Do you welcome it into your life? Do you go with the flow, take things as they come? Or do you want things to stay the same or predictable.Do you need to feel like you are always in control? Or can you let go of all detachments to a particular outcome?

How you feel is entirely due to your beliefs about yourself and the world.

I just had such a big life change myself, and like all these events that turn our life upside down, these changes are a beautiful gift to re-examine our life. It is a call to go inside and check in on what our feelings and needs are. Are we holding onto old beliefs that do not serve us well? Is the story you are telling working for you?

Do the new parents feel that they are capable and that life with the newborn will be full of joy? Or are there fears and worries clouding this amazing experience?

Does the family who has to say good-bye to a loved one hold beliefs to support them through this time of grieving? Are they able to communicate their emotions and continue the legacy of the person who has passed with gratitude rather than with regret, guilt or angst?

Do bride and groom start their married life together with confidence, and open communication skills? Are they able to be in touch with their vulnerable sides and to connect from that vulnerability?

Do the partners who separate come from a peaceful place and a loving heart to establish a successful co-parenting relationship? Or does anger and hurt cloud everything?

Does the family who moves into a new neighbourhood, or even moves to melt two families with this move, communicate their individual needs and find compromises for everybody to get what they require? Can they be open and non-judgmental with each other while they work out a new routine?

 

For Life Coaching, to change your subconscious beliefs with PSYCH-K® and to learn more successful ways of communication contact Angelika

greendoorrelaxation@yahoo.ca

905-286-9466