Most unfaithful partners deny the affair at first. They try to assess how much the partner knows and how much they have to tell. They are usually afraid that admitting the whole truth will make things worse. The opposite is the case. Dragging out admissions are comparable to driving long distances on a flat tire. Delaying the repair can cause irreparable damage to the wheel and axle. Denials or half truths cause the same damage to the relationship.
Once we have decided to stay in a relationship after a betrayal, how do we rebuild the broken trust? Whenever there’s been a betrayal there are problems on both sides and both people need to take responsibility for the part they’ve played. That is not a fault finding mission but a team effort of unpacking unexpressed feelings and uncovering unmet needs. If we are able to work through a betrayal together and have made the necessary changes, the relationship usually ends up being stronger than before.
When there are trust issues in a relationship, the question arises if the trust can be restored. Mistrust can provide an excuse to leave a relationship if we had already been thinking about ending the relationship. It all depends on what the relationship was like before the betrayal happened. Before deciding to heal and restore the broken trust, the author Mira Kirshenbaum recommends that you ask yourself several questions.
While you can’t have relationships without disappointments, you cannot have a solid love relationship without trust. Any upsetting surprise or discovery that makes us feel vulnerable, hurt or unsafe can be experienced as a betrayal and break of trust. One way in which trust issues enter a relationship is when there are significant differences between the partners in background, personality or preferences. Another risk factor for mistrust is a situation of unequal power. The worst trust killer is when one partner is less open than the other.
Have you ever made somebody else feel unloved because you felt like a failure and pretty much unloved yourself? I have. In fact, just a week ago I made one of my children feel really unloved. My daughter lied to me, or rather, avoided telling me something she should have told me. I felt that…