COVID-19 has created an unusual situation for our marriages and close love relationships. Suddenly many couples were forced to live and work in close quarters, often struggling with financial hardships and worried about their health, about educating and entertaining their children at home and about the future in general. The close and constant proximity has highlighted their differences and accentuated their conflicts and doubts to a point where the pressure has become unbearably painful.
You met Lisa and Yohan in part 1 of my article “Why Are You Getting So Upset?” They decided to face the challenge of shifting out of a problematic pattern She was being placed in the role of a controlling mother and he was responding passive-aggressively to the control he experienced. They had no productive…
Passive-aggressiveness is a strategy developed in childhood out of a feeling of powerlessness, and carried into adulthood and into our relationships as the automatic response when there is a conflict. How does it look and why is it so infuriating?
Once we have decided to stay in a relationship after a betrayal, how do we rebuild the broken trust? Whenever there’s been a betrayal there are problems on both sides and both people need to take responsibility for the part they’ve played. That is not a fault finding mission but a team effort of unpacking unexpressed feelings and uncovering unmet needs. If we are able to work through a betrayal together and have made the necessary changes, the relationship usually ends up being stronger than before.
How do you express a need or wish most successfully to your partner? Saying “I need you to…”, will most likely result in your partner feeling he or she has no choice. They might feel cornered, resistant and get defensive as there is no room to move. Read how you can communicate your needs, for example the wish for them to attend couples sessions with you, more successfully. And what can you do when he or she still refuses?
Have you ever asked your male partner, “What are you thinking?” and the answer was, “nothing”? It seems women cannot fathom the concept that one could not be thinking anything at a given point in time—unless you are asleep or dead. Men, so we are told, have a “nothing box” in their brain. What is going on with that nothing box and how can we navigate the different needs men and women have in regards to communication.
Have you read „The Secret“? What “The Secret” doesn’t mention is different areas of influence which are holding us back from manifesting what we truly want and how to clear out the blocks in regards to those areas.
It is ingrained in most of us to have conversations in which one or both people get defensive and feel attacked due to us using generalized critical statements and blaming each other. The steps of Non-Violent Communication are easy and straightforward but they require a bit of practice. Communicating using these four steps is like training new muscles.
When I coach couples, or parents and children, the main issue is usually communication. One of the big shifts that can be made in their relationship happens by changing their way of interacting and communicating with each other. When we judge and criticise others, they feel unloved. When we use general statements like “You always…”,…