Sometimes we feel like we want or need to vent to our partner. Getting “things off our chest” makes us feel better, or so we think. Venting can cause problems when we don’t adhere to a few rules.
We know how uncontrolled anger and aggression can be destructive in our professional and private lives. However, when we learn to fear the power of our aggression and disown that energy completely, we are stuck in non-action. Aggression paired with desire and courage is a fabulous catalyst for change. Read about Rick and Florence and how they learned that anger and aggression are not just necessary to be in touch with for professional success but also for intimacy and closeness in their marriage.
Right now, the splits in our society are more profound and more palpable than ever, and we are faced with what appears to be unsolvable conflicts. How can we get out of this polarization and bridge the divide?
Have you ever felt too angry to speak to a family member, friend, or your partner? Or you could sense that they were mad at you, and you avoided them out of fear of having a conflict? How do you get past the anger and have a productive and heart-open conversation?
Having conflicts or disagreements does not indicate that a relationship is in trouble. What is essential is to address disagreements consciously and communicate well with each other when we have a dispute. Here are 8 agreements to set up with your partner regarding a fair fight.
Anger is a strong protective emotion, but it is only like the tip of an iceberg. If we want to shift anger, we need to ask what more vulnerable emotions and unmet needs are hiding under the surface.
All feelings are good! Our emotions are our guidance system. All feelings and emotions give us feedback on what is going on. When you or somebody else feels angry, there is usually some other emotion underneath the anger. That deeper emotion or need has to be addressed. Just as we know we need to feed ourselves when we are hungry, we also need to feed other emotions or needs.
If anger is present, it is more likely that an interaction with others is not going to be very constructive. Suppressing or denying anger never works. We need to ask what is going on underneath the anger. Anger is like the indicator light in your car. We wouldn’t ignore that warning light. It gives us useful information about what our engine needs.