A very special friend of mine went through an incredible transformation over the last 29 months. She had surgery and lost an unbelievable amount of weight. I am very proud of her. However, it makes me even happier to see that she has completely transformed her entire life. She has undergone a huge inner transformation.
She was always very beautiful. Her amazing smile and her sparkling eyes make you stop and look at her. She can make you feel truly seen. She has always had a huge capacity for love, a heart which she keeps wide open. She is one of those people who drop everything to help somebody else.
Like so many of us, she learned as a little girl that her needs don’t matter. And because she was this loving little spirit, she did the next-best thing she could and she began to look after other people’s needs. She learned her needs will never be met, so she decided that she might as well take care of other people’s happiness.
She went through life with this open heart but also a great bit of sadness. The beliefs “I don’t matter” and “I don’t deserve to look after myself” began to manifest in putting on more and more weight over the years. She smiled but inside, she felt lonely. She had abandoned herself by putting all her energy into pleasing others. The little girl inside was crying silently in despair while she carried a brave smile on the outside.
Now her smile is even more beautiful than ever before, because she has learned to love herself. Her smile is full of joy and self-love. Loving yourself comes with saying no and setting boundaries. It comes with not always dropping everything for others. It means not taking responsibility for other people’s happiness but showing them how to find their own happiness. It means shining your own light and giving others permission to do the same.
In spiritual circles, we are so often told that we should love others unconditionally. Yet, the second commandment is, “You shall love your neighbour as yourself.” (NAS, Mark 12:28-31) The step to first love yourself is usually forgotten.
Loving others unconditionally is not possible unless you love yourself unconditionally. Loving yourself means knowing that you deserve that your needs are met. It means approving of you the way you are, instead of changing for others. It means listening to your needs and feelings and addressing them. It means surrounding yourself with people who care about your needs.
Ironically enough, those people who feel we shouldn’t have needs are the same people who are quick to call us selfish when we do stand up and say no to being their doormat. Because we might not be used to expressing our needs, we sometimes wait until we are a worn-down doormat. We wait until the proverbial last drop, and at that point we might become emotional, or demand that our needs be met. The people in our life sense that we do not feel we deserve to have needs. They respond to that energy of not deserving that we send out and therefore judge us for having needs.
However, once we have learned to love ourselves, we stand up right away and say ‘no’ calmly and lovingly, without a dramatic or emotional reaction. We know that we need not explain or defend ourselves. We make sure that we have time for ourselves. We make sure we do not get worn out in service for others. We make sure that we are truly happy and joyful every moment of every day.
Can you truly claim, “The people in my life care about meeting my needs?”
If you cannot say this, take a look at your subconscious beliefs. Do you feel your needs are not important? Do you feel you cannot expect your partner, or other people close to you, to acknowledge and meet your needs? Do you lovingly acknowledge and meet other people’s needs, or is there resentment because you feel you always have to put others first?
As you take care of yourself, of your inner child and her needs, you step into your more authentic self. You are able to live from love rather than a feeling of unworthiness. You can shine your light and be creative, full of joy, and brilliant in all sorts of ways. You can be the true goddess that you are.
Psych-K® helps to shift limiting beliefs and Shadow Energetics assists in embracing your light shadow, all those characteristics you admire in others but that you have not had the courage to bring out in yourself, yet.
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