If you dare to be happier than your parents, more vulnerable and more intimate with your spouse than they were able to be, you are forging into new territory for your whole ancestral line. You are changing the future for your children and grandchildren, who will have you as new role models. Here are five relationship strategies that help you create a more harmonic intimate partnership or marriage.
When one or both people in an interaction are emotionally triggered, perhaps even feeling extreme anger or rage, absolutely nothing good can come out of continuing the fight or emotionally charged conversation. While we are in fight, flight or freeze mode, we simply cannot problem solve. The time out is like a circuit breaker helping us to get back into a calm, clear, collected, creative and even compassionate state. How do we use the time out most effectively?
We all have protective strategies which keep us from feeling vulnerable. Unfortunately, these dynamics cause damage to a relationship. Terry Real names five losing strategies in relationships. The first step of changing destructive interactions is to understand your partner’s protective mechanisms but more importantly what your own defaults are.
Being on a rainy and muddy hike I had the best experience of being held, supported and loved. Are you experiencing mutual support in your primary relationships? How do we create that experience for each other and heal any past traumas together?
A lot of misunderstandings between the sexes are due to the fact that women do not understand the ways in which men’s brains work differently from ours. We expect men to think and act like we do and are disappointed when they don’t. We also tend to give up part of our identity because we do not realize what attracted men to us in the first place.
The six second kiss is a beautiful way of connecting. Kissing releases oxytocin and dopamine. These hormones help us to bond and feel safe. Tender kisses also reduce cortisol and are therefore very beneficial for our health. What other rituals can you establish and why are rituals so important for our relationships?
As humans we crave nothing more than a deep intimate connection with another person, yet, we are at the same time often deeply afraid of reaching out and entrusting others with our fears and needs. We receive our wounding in relationships and our deepest healing also happens within the boundaries of a safe, exclusive, committed and intimate relationship. How can we help our partner to reach out, and how can we find the courage to be vulnerable ourselves?
Jealousy is the fear that a special relationship we have with somebody is threatened. We fear that our partner, family member or friend will form a closer relationship with someone else and that we will be excluded or abandoned. Jealousy can be understood based on our evolutionary history as humans and our own personal past experiences.
Why does criticism so often feel like we are being stabbed in the heart? Historically being criticized could lead to being ostracised from our tribe, and that could mean death. Our more instinctive parts of our brain still operate on that fear. However, relationships require us to communicate honestly and to handle criticism constructively. How does one express a complaint in a way that it can be easily heard and does not feel like being stabbed in the heart?
What topics should we talk about at the start of a relationship? Relationship coaching helps you and your new love to learn to communicate about challenging topics and to learn to hold each other in those vulnerable moments we all experience. Coaching allows you to become aware of old patterns and to release them. What kind of topics can you explore at the start of a relationship either with a coach or by yourselves?