When expressing our thoughts and feelings we need to use I-statements. Unfortunately, an “I statement” can also be twisted into criticism. Here are three examples of how to phrase successful I-Statements that do not make the other person defensive.
Have you felt bad or guilty because you seem to have it much better than others, perhaps better than your partner or another family member? How do we turn these feelings of guilt into something useful and beneficial?
In 1997 psychologist Dr. Arthur Aron explored whether intimacy between two strangers could be accelerated by having them ask each other 36 increasingly more personal questions. In 2015, Aron’s questions went viral starting with New York Times journalist Mandy Len Catron, who used the 36 questions in a self-experiment and did indeed fall in love with a stranger. That made me curious if this set of questions would be a good dating tool and what other applications they might have.
COVID-19 has created an unusual situation for our marriages and close love relationships. Suddenly many couples were forced to live and work in close quarters, often struggling with financial hardships and worried about their health, about educating and entertaining their children at home and about the future in general. The close and constant proximity has highlighted their differences and accentuated their conflicts and doubts to a point where the pressure has become unbearably painful.
Who loves adversity and especially a crisis like the one we are all facing right now? Right! Our Inner Critic! Our Inner Critic is that nagging voice inside, which is trying to protect us by letting us know in which ways we are “faulty” or not doing enough. No matter how well we are doing, the Inner Critic will find something that apparently needs to be improved, and it loves to compare us to others who are supposedly doing better or more.
The COVID-19 situation has disrupted our daily routines, affected our finances and is challenging our relationships. The crisis has changed everything we used to consider “normal”. This exceptional situation is an opportunity to work on our fears, learn how to release our emotions and improve our relationships, especially our closest partnerships or marriages. Here are some examples for subconscious beliefs we might need to change, emotions we might need to release or conversations we might want to have.
Psychologist and attorneys predict that the divorce rates all over the world will rise once we have made it through this stressful situation COVID-19 has brought us. As a relationship coach, I simply have to challenge that statement. We can resign to separations and divorces, or we can use this time period to improve all our relationships but especially our partnerships or marriages.
Trying and having difficulties conceiving takes a toll on a marriage or partnership.The challenges around conceiving create different stresses for a couple. More than ever, what the couple needs most during this stressful period is time to connect with each other, beyond fertility. How can you still enjoy life and each other totally unrelated to trying to conceive?
What does a marriage or relationship coach do and how can this help you? Are you struggling with jealousy, anger or an affair? Or do you feel emotionally triggered and unable to communicate successfully? Read more about how coaching could help you individually or with your partner.