In order to communicate most successfully, we need to move beyond needing to be right and beyond making the other person wrong. If we want our feelings and needs to be respected, we need to stop judging other people’s feelings and needs and begin to truly accept and respect them.
By allowing others to cross our boundaries, we are saying to ourselves that we are not worthy of our feelings being addressed and our needs being met. We are not treating ourselves with love and respect. Daring to set boundaries means having the courage to love ourselves, instead of pleasing others out of fear that they won’t love us anymore.
Nobody and nothing can prevent us from truly loving ourselves. It is our job to love ourselves; nobody can do it for us! No amount of love from the outside can penetrate through if we do not take the cape of self-judgment, self-loathing or even self-hatred off.
Have you heard the Asian tale of the five blind men and the elephant? Five blind men come upon an elephant. They have never heard of an elephant. The first man feels a leg of the elephant. He says, “Ah, I know what this is! An elephant is a pillar!” The second man grabs the…
All feelings are good! Our emotions are our guidance system. All feelings and emotions give us feedback on what is going on. When you or somebody else feels angry, there is usually some other emotion underneath the anger. That deeper emotion or need has to be addressed. Just as we know we need to feed ourselves when we are hungry, we also need to feed other emotions or needs.
Are you sometimes wondering if your partner really loves you because he or she doesn’t seem to be expressing it? The truth is that there is no right way to express love. There are five love languages we all use for connection, some with more skill and enjoyment, others with less. We can learn to speak our partner’s primary language(s) of affection to strengthen our relationship.