Non-Attachment Sets You Free

Sally is married to a man who has put on 60 lbs since they got married but doesn’t listen to her advice on healthy eating. She has a 17-year-old daughter and a 14-year-old son. The daughter has a boyfriend Sally hates, and her son does not apply himself in school. Sally’s in-laws are judgmental and Sally tried extra hard to please her mother-in-law by competing with the other daughter-in-law. Sally sometimes feels anger and sadness rise in her and it takes all her energy to keep those emotions bottled up. She has almost daily headaches and has become dependent on pain killers and anxiety medication.

What advice would you give Sally? She could work on one situation at a time but they all have one thing in common: attachment. Sally’s energy is going towards wanting others to change while she is suppressing her own emotions and needs. She is attached to her husband taking her advice, to her daughter realizing that her boyfriend is not good for her, to her son working harder in school and to her mother-in-law liking her. She is also attached to those powerful emotions which she keeps pushing down by using painkillers to numb them out.

What would make the greatest difference for Sally and her family is for her to start directing her energy towards herself and her needs, and to develop a healthy detachment or non-attachment to the other situations.

Non-attachment or detachment does not mean “not to care” anymore. That is a common misunderstanding. Sometimes we get so frustrated with somebody not changing that we decide that we will “just not care anymore”. When we are shifting from being attached to a certain outcome to non-attachment this is not happening to punish the other people. If frustration is my trigger and punishment is my motivation, I have not developed true detachment. Non-attachment is to keep our own sanity and to allow a situation to unfold in whichever way it needs to unfold. We are still staying compassionate, but we surrender the need to control things.

Non-attachment comes from a true heart-space, a compassionate loving stance, but it means taking our energy back that we have bound up with expectations. Having a healthy detachment is to care but to not be attached to if, when or how the other person is going to take our advice, or if, when or how they do what we would like. If we are attached to them doing something or not doing something, we have allowed our expectations to rule us and to create disappointment and frustration. Our energy is bound up in a certain outcome.

Having healthy detachment from a situation means having a standpoint of non-judgment. We are not attached to how a situation should unfold. We can let it be what it is and have discernment. Discernment means to not tolerate a situation which is harmful to us. Sally’s mother-in-law is manipulative and disrespectful. Directing her energy back towards herself might also mean for Sally not to tolerate that anymore. With some separation from the pleaser voice inside her, Sally can decide to please herself and just let go of the competition between the daughters-in-law which neither one can win anyways.

Non-attachment to uncomfortable emotions means that we can allow our emotions to rise up, to feel them and to let them move through us. Sally has an opportunity to feel the anger and sadness and to realize that underneath it all she is carrying a lot of grief. She deserves to take time to experience and release these emotions.

Non-attachment to pleasurable emotions like happiness means not chasing after them in the outside world. Happiness can be found inside and enjoyed in each moment as it presents itself. Instead of putting her energy towards what she does not like, Sally can give herself permission to focus on the daily little moments of joy.

Non-attachment to food, substances, habits or activities means that we don’t depend on them for our emotional or physical well-being. Instead of eating, smoking, drinking, taking drugs, or engaging in addictive behaviours to feel better, we experience a healthy detachment. We are able to feel our emotions and pain and explore what message there is and which of our needs have to be addressed.

Non-attachment means surrendering and thus letting go of a tug-of-war we have gotten ourselves into. When Sally stops nagging her husband, or pushing her daughter to see certain bad qualities in her boyfriend, or lecturing her son about school, or letting go of the competition with the other daughter-in-law, these situations can pass. The husband can now feel it is his choice to eat healthier. The daughter does not need to rebel anymore and has a chance to see the boyfriend for who he is. Sally’s son gets to experience the natural consequences of not getting good grades; he has to stay at home to study instead of playing video games at his friend’s house. And the mother-in-law is unable to manipulate Sally anymore into doing something she does not want to do. Sally is free.

Last but not least, non-attachment helps us to go though difficult moments with a certain sense of humor, knowing that “This too shall pass”. When she takes a moment to see everything with humour, Sally remembers that her sister also had an “undesirable” boyfriend and eventually broke up with him, and that her husband used to be “lazy” himself when he was 14 and today is a successful engineer.

Where in your life are you attached to people and their choices, to situations unfolding a certain way, to emotions or to food/substances? I invite you to join me on a meditation to release these attachments, reclaim your energy and to surrender to everything unfolding perfectly.

I know your time is valuable and appreciate you reading my blog. If you are enjoying my articles, you can subscribe to receive an e-mail notification whenever I post a new blog. All you need to do is to enter your email address in the field on the left side of the bar. Thank you for your support!

 

Angelika

905-286-9466

greendoorrelaxation@yahoo.ca

Going With the Flow

“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes.

Don’t resist them – that only creates sorrow.

Let reality be reality.

Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.”

Lao-Tzu

What I especially like about this quote is the reminder to let reality be reality. How often do we ignore the reality we do not like or which nudges us to take action? We resist listening to what presents itself and hold on to the status quo. But what does it mean to go with the flow of things?

“Go with the flow” has become a very popular phrase. It means a state of nonresistance which encourages you to flow with life as if you are flowing on a river. “Go with the flow” is such a simple short and sweet statement. However, there are some pitfalls in this mantra.

Like many “spiritual” principles, the idea contains an apparent contradiction. Because of this, we might interpret the principle as “let life happen without using your will power.” It is quite easy to see “go with a flow” as a call to inactivity, inaction or laziness, waiting for things to fall into your lap, making the choice not to make a choice. When we don’t make a choice, another person makes it for us, or the situation becomes so unbearable that the decision is forced upon us. Inactivity is not what this spiritual principle means.

It is often quite easy to trick the mind into confusing going with the flow with maintaining the status quo of things, because our subconscious mind likes a sense of equilibrium. It prefers experiences that are familiar, pleasant and comfortable. When its sense of equilibrium is threatened, we unconsciously might choose to stay with what is familiar even if a part of us knows it’s not good for us.

That applies each time you are confronted with a situation or a person’s actions that are not acceptable but you are hesitating to take action. An example would be if you are dealing with somebody who is being passive-aggressive: someone is making rude, disrespectful or hurtful comments about you and disguising it as humor. “Oh, I am just kidding. Have a sense of humour!” Your sense of equilibrium may tell you to be silent about it instead of risking a fight. You may feel some physical response, perhaps some tension in the body, in your solar plexus or in your throat chakra, that prevents you from claiming your power and speaking up, speaking your truth.

But your body is actually telling you that you are not really going with the flow but that you are avoiding to unsettle the status quo. If we want to stay happy, healthy and, most importantly, true to ourselves, we need to listen to our intuition. If you listen to your intuition and speak up calmly and assertively to this person, your body gives you the feedback that you are on the right path. Your throat chakra clears up or your solar plexus settles down. You notice a sudden freedom, a greater “flow” and an increased ability to embrace life’s experiences as life unfolds.

You might have thought that going with the flow was about accepting the inappropriate comments or behaviour, just ignoring reality. But after exercising your assertiveness, you realize that acceptance means accepting the experience and letting go of the hurt, but not of the lesson this person has taught you. It is about following the call to action that the comments were inviting. You truly went with the flow. This person’s job was to teach you something about self-respect. You might even want to thank them (or the Universe) for the lesson.

Meditation can help us learn to go with the flow.  It gives us the clarity to see why certain doors or paths have been closed for us. That usually happens when we are not supposed to be in a certain place, be that a particular job or certain relationship, when we are meant to be somewhere different. It shows us new doors to knock on or doors that have already started to open for us. It also helps us understand where our fear of change has tricked us into believing it is best to “keep the peace”, keep the status quo of a situation, even if we sacrifice being authentic and happy. It helps us decide how to move forward, go with the flow to get to where we really want to go, be who we really want to be.

Join me for this meditation below to contemplate where in your life you can go more with the flow. You might also want to check out other free 10-15 minute long meditations.

 

Letter From Your Future Self

With the old year ending and the new year approaching, we look back and assess what we have manifested in 2017, and what we want to attract in 2018. Are you ready to set some powerful intentions for the new year? Let me share one specific end of year ritual with you which you can use.

Ten years ago, when I was attending Unity Church, I came across a beautiful manifestation technique: On the last day of the old year, you write a letter from the perspective of the end of the next year. Or in other words, you write a letter from your future self, giving thanks and expressing gratitude for everything the new year has brought you. The extra twist at Unity Church was that they kept our letters and mailed them out to all of us a year later. It was usually amazing to read how many of the experiences, events and people described in the letter had really occurred or shown up.

How does this work? It’s the Law of Attraction. “Life is a mirror and will reflect back to the thinker what he thinks into it” (Ernest Holmes). We are engaging the law of the Universe and at the same time we are implanting beliefs and expectations into our subconscious mind. When we set powerful intentions, visualize clearly and feel what we want to create in our heart, we are speaking the language of the subconscious mind. Our subconscious stores the vision away and assists us in creating the future we really want.

I invite you to take time over the next couple of days to write such a letter to the Universe, or to Source, or to God, or to your own Higher Self. Drop into your heart. Just focus on your heart as if you are breathing in and out through the centre of your chest, recall a heart-felt memory full of love, joy, peace or harmony. Stay in this heart open space as you write your letter.

Remember, it’s your future self, one year older, who is writing a thank you letter for all that has occurred in 2018. Do not ask or pray for what you want but write in retrospect and with lots of gratitude for what has unfolded already. You can begin your letter with “I am so happy and grateful now that…” or any other way that feels like your heart is overflowing with thankfulness. And don’t limit yourself! Anything is possible if you really want it and can feel it. Have fun with this. When you have written the letter, drop into your heart again and read it out loud. Send your words out to the Universe knowing that your vision is already manifesting as you really feel it in your heart. And so it is.

If you are enjoying my articles, you can subscribe to receive an e-mail notification whenever I post a new blog. All you need to do is to enter your email address in the field on the left side of the bar. Thank you for your support!

HAPPY NEW YEAR! 

If you want to change your subconscious beliefs into ones,

that allow you to manifest your New Year’s goals

contact

Angelika

905-286-9466

greendoorrelaxation@yahoo.ca

The Blind Passenger

I had been contemplating this year’s Thanksgiving blog, when I came across this beautiful story by an unknown author on Spiritual-Short-Stories.com. It is perfect the way it is written, so allow me to just share…

The passengers on the bus watched sympathetically as the attractive young woman with the white cane made her way carefully up the steps. She paid the driver, and using her hands to feel the location of the seats, walked down the aisle and found the seat he’d told her was empty. Then she settled in, placed her briefcase on her lap and rested her cane against her leg. It had been a year since Susan, thirty-four, became blind. Due to a medical misdiagnosis she had been rendered sightless, and she was suddenly thrown into a world of darkness, anger, frustration and self-pity.

Once a fiercely independent woman, Susan now felt condemned by this terrible twist of fate to become a powerless, helpless burden on everyone around her. “How could this have happened to me?” she would plead, her heart knotted with anger. But no matter how much she cried or ranted or prayed, she knew the painful truth: her sight was never going to return. A cloud of depression hung over Susan’s once optimistic spirit. Just getting through each day was an exercise in frustration and exhaustion.

 And all she had to cling to was her husband Mark. Mark was an Air Force officer and he loved Susan with all his heart. When she first lost her sight, he watched her sink into despair and was determined to help his wife gain the strength and confidence she needed to become independent again. Mark’s military background had trained him well to deal with sensitive situations, and yet he knew this was the most difficult battle he would ever face. 

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Finally, Susan felt ready to return to her job, but how would she get there? She used to take the bus, but was now too frightened to get around the city by herself. Mark volunteered to drive her to work each day, even though they worked at opposite ends of the city. At first, this comforted Susan and fulfilled Mark’s need to protect his sightless wife who was so insecure about performing the slightest task. 

Soon, however, Mark realized that this arrangement wasn’t working – it was hectic, and costly. Susan is going to have to start taking the bus again, he admitted to himself. But just the thought of mentioning it to her made him cringe. She was still so fragile, so angry. How would she react? 

Just as Mark predicted, Susan was horrified at the idea of taking the bus again. “I’m blind!” she responded bitterly. “How am I supposed to know where I’m going? I feel like you’re abandoning me.” Mark’s heart broke to hear these words, but he knew what had to be done. He promised Susan that each morning and evening he would ride the bus with her, for as long as it took, until she got the hang of it. And that is exactly what happened. For two solid weeks, Mark, military uniform and all, accompanied Susan to and from work each day. He taught her how to rely on her other senses especially her hearing, to determine where she was and how to adapt to her new environment. 

He helped her befriend the bus drivers who could watch out for her and save her a seat. He made her laugh, even on those not-so-good days when she would trip exiting the bus, or drop her briefcase. Each morning they made the journey together, and Mark would take a cab back to his office. Although this routine was even more costly and exhausting than the previous one, Mark knew it was only a matter of time before Susan would be able to ride the bus on her own. He believed in her, in the Susan he used to know before she’d lost her sight, who wasn’t afraid of any challenge and who would never, ever quit. 

Finally, Susan decided that she was ready to try the trip on her own. She said goodbye, and for the first time, they went their separate ways. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. Each day on her own went perfectly, and Susan had never felt better. She was doing it! She was going to work all by herself! 

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On Friday morning, Susan took the bus as usual. As she was paying for her fare to exit the bus, the driver said, “Boy, I sure envy you.” Susan wasn’t sure if the driver was speaking to her or not. After all who on earth would ever envy a blind woman who had struggled just to find the courage to live the past year? Curious she asked the driver, “Why do you say that you envy me?” The driver responded, “It must feel so good to be taken care of and protected like you are.” Susan had no idea what the driver was talking about, and asked again, “What do you mean?” 

The driver answered, “You know, every morning for the past week, a fine looking gentleman in a military uniform has been standing across the corner watching you when you get off the bus. He makes sure you cross the street safely and he watches you until you enter your office building. Then he blows you a kiss, and gives you a little salute and walks away. You are one lucky lady.”

Tears of happiness poured down Susan’s cheeks. For although she couldn’t physically see him, she had always felt Mark’s presence. She was lucky, so lucky, for he had given her a gift more powerful than sight, a gift she didn’t need to see to believe – the gift of love that can bring light where there had been darkness.

This touching story has me wondering if we aren’t sometimes all like this blind woman? We feel alone, struggling to go about our life, meanwhile we are watched over, protected and held without being aware of it. We are, in fact, safe and abundant beyond our wildest imagination. There is an abundance of love and support—if we could just see it. What if we opened our hearts and looked around to notice the fullness and abundance in our life with gratitude.

Thanksgiving - Happy Thanksgiving 3

If you are enjoying my articles, you can subscribe to receive an e-mail notification whenever I post a new blog.

All you need to do is to enter your email address in the field on the left side of the bar. Thank you for your support!

Angelika,

905-286-9466,

greendoorrelaxation@yahoo.ca

The Effects of an Attitude of Gratitude

Have you ever heard somebody say “You should be grateful for…”? How did that feel? Was that an invitation to even consider shifting into an attitude of gratitude?

Growing up as a child, gratitude got a “bad rap” for me. Gratitude went into my shadow for a while because I could not relate to it. My parents’ and grandparents’ experience came from lack. Some very essential ingredients were missing when they referred to gratitude with that disapproving voice. They completely missed the joy, the magic, and the wonder that is to be found in gratitude. When they referred to gratitude it came from the head instead of the heart, it came from fear to have to experience lack again, instead of knowing the universe as abundant. Instead of teaching true gratitude by their example, they preached gratitude and judged what they perceived as “ungrateful”.

When I moved from Europe to Canada, Thanksgiving became one of my favourite times of the year. I loved teaching my children about giving thanks and seeing their brains process the information of abundance. Their eyes lit up and their creative little minds joyfully came up with more magical and wonderful things that had manifested and were reasons for thankfulness.

What actually happens when we focus on all our blessings? Quantum physics has taught us that we affect and create change by what we observe. We literally modify the molecules that make up our physical world. As we are focusing our attention on all we have in abundance and give thanks for everything, for what we really enjoy but also for everything we like less, we are affecting our reality.

We are happier, we are healthier and we are able to perceive opportunities and more abundance. Complaining inhibits our brain from properly processing information. Our perceptive filters prevent us from seeing what we are looking for. We only see the print-out in the physical world of our past fears and worries. Complaining creates interference. Instead of using our ability to create with clear focus what we actually want, we are creating blocks and are getting ourselves stuck.

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What we complain about expands. Complaining brings on more of what we are complaining about. We always have the choice. We can focus on gratitude or on complaining. We are creating either way.

Gratitude is not something we do but who we become as we focus on our riches. Gratitude is a powerful magnet. It is expansive. Complaining, worrying and “should-ing” are constrictive. They create statics in the infinite field of possibilities. An attitude of unhappiness and dissatisfaction keeps us away from our good. “You should be grateful” is counterproductive. Saying “yes” to life means working in resonance with the field of possibilities.

 

gratitude-e-tolle_always-say-yes

In today’s globalization, we are being sold a hostile world everywhere. Our fear driven amygdala kicks in and buys into the illusion of separation, of living in a “dog-eat-dog” world. We feel small, unsafe and shift into “fight mode”. From that fear, ideas of greed, envy and competition are born.

During the Shadow Energetics workshop, we begin one morning with a deep meditation called “Being State Meditation” which my friend Darryl Gurney created. The purpose of that meditation is to experience ourselves as different from form, independent of the many roles we all play, of experiencing ourselves as true essence. Once we have had that taste of being more than our physical body and being connected with everything and everybody it has to reflect our choices. We realize the responsibility we all carry for the entire system we are all part of.

Everything is connected. Just like the five fingers of my hand are all connected, each of us is an integral part of one living system; we live as such, breathe as such, thrive as such. Everything I do affects everything else. We affect and change everything, even just by observing and thinking, not to mention by what we say and do. When we apply our beliefs, fears and opinions to the world, we shape the world. If we buy into hostility and danger, we create more violence and aggression. If our commodities are love, compassion and forgiveness, we contribute to healing the planet.

Experiments with the Transcendental Meditation® technique has shown that only one square root of 1% of a population practicing unconditional love and true peace, results in measurable improvements away from fear, crime, aggression and violence, to lower crime rates, less violence, cooperation and group thinking.

gratitude-pam-grout

“… By choosing to add energy to the resonant field of gratitude and joy, you can fundamentally change the world… you don’t have to march for peace (although you may want to)… You can enlarge the conversation by taking your focus off the negative and noticing all the things that are going right, taking a stand for goodness of humanity.” (Pam Grout)

What we choose to focus on manifests. My mind creates my experience, not the other way around! Therefore, it is my responsibility to see a friendly Universe. It is my essential contribution to making this planet the beautiful, safe and loving place it can be.

thanksgiving-happy-thanksgiving-2

If you are enjoying my articles, you can follow Greendoor to receive an e-mail notification whenever I post a new blog. All you need to do is to click the “follow” button in the right-hand corner of your screen.

Angelika Baum

Belief Change Coach and Workshop Instructor

905-286-9466, greendoorrelaxation@yahoo.ca

Living from the Inside Out

Did you have a nice summer with lots of fun and interesting experiences? Perhaps you went on special family outings or even on a vacation? If so, you have collected beautiful memories. If so, you have also intuitively made the perfect choice for happiness and to recharge your emotional tank.

Spiritual teachers, philosophers and scientists have been striving to answer the question “What is happiness?” for a long time and in different ways. I have previously written about the happiness formula.

H = S + C + V

Happiness = the Set Point in the Brain + the Conditions of Living + our Voluntary Choices

 

Depression and anxiety are almost epidemics today, and peace, joy and happiness seem more elusive than ever. Why is that?

Are we perhaps focusing too much on the conditions, the relative facts of our life? Do we allow those relative conditions to prevent us from choosing happiness and fully experiencing it? What if instead of living from the outside in, we chose to live from the inside out?

Living from the inside out means taking charge of our mind and using it to our advantage. It includes examining our beliefs and changing the ones which do not serve us. We have the birth right to be happy. Our Good is constantly flowing and waiting to be received by us. Our beliefs are merely the impressions we have bought into. Our beliefs create our experience.

What shows up is just the out-picturing of the way we have been picturing things inside, the way we have been using our mind. When we use our mind differently, the out-picturing will inevitably be different. That does not mean to ignore the conditions but to realize that they only determine 10% of our happiness while our beliefs and mind set determine 50% and our voluntary choices 40%.

Healthy Minds RC Barker 2

 

We overcome negative conditions by changing our mind to create better conditions. We need to choose to be grateful and happy, independent of what shows up around us. We need to make voluntary choices which increase our level of joy. Voluntary Choices are those choices we make for pleasure or for fulfillment.

Psychology Professor Thomas Gilovich from Cornell University has studied the subject of happiness and concludes that happiness is derived from experiences, not things.

“People often think spending money on an experience is not as wise an investment as spending it on a material possession. They think the experience will come and go in a flash, and they’ll be left with little compared to owning an item. But in reality we remember experiences long afterward, while we soon become used to our possessions. At the same time, we also enjoy the anticipation of having an experience more than the anticipation of owning a possession.” (Gilovich)

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A get-away or other experience allows you to enjoy it in three different ways: the anticipation, the experience itself and remembering it in retrospect. Every moment spent on picturing it and reliving it brings up heartfelt feelings of joy and happiness again.

Furthermore, experiences with family and friends are like glue to our social lives. Experiences allow us to get closer to others in ways a material possession cannot. And ultimately, as human beings, we all long to be close to others.

Material possessions on the other hand give us less lasting joy. After we have acquired those inanimate objects, it is only a question of time until we get used to them. New things might be exciting at first, but then we adapt to having them.

Gilovich has also studied how we tend to have more regrets over missed interactions with others and missed experiences than over possessions we have not acquired. On our death bed, we might regret not to have connected more deeply with our children or other loved ones, but we won’t regret not having purchased the new car or newest TV.

As a society, we need to ask ourselves how to live more from the inside out, how to choose beliefs and activities that support joy and happiness. Social experiences and helping others lead to attention, affection and appreciation, and therefore to greater happiness and joy.

So next time you have the choice of whether to spend your money on a material possession or on an experience, especially if that experience involves connecting with or helping others, remember that the experience will enhance and make your life richer than the material possession.

 

If you are enjoying my articles, you can follow Greendoor to receive an e-mail notification whenever I post a new blog. All you need to do is to click the “follow” button in the right-hand corner of your screen.

Angelika Baum, Belief Change Coach and Workshop Facilitator,
905-286-9466, greendoorrelaxation@yahoo.ca

Magical Forest

As a child, the highly symbolic Brother Grimm’s fairy tales were read to me in the original version and I always wondered what these magical mystical forests from the traditional tales were like. They were forests in which you could get lost; they were dark and mysterious with fairy doors and other mysterious creatures, places to find lots of amazing gifts.

Last month, I had a truly beautiful experience. I had the opportunity to visit an incredibly old forest in British Columbia, just like the ones I had heard about as a child. The energy in this forest was indescribable. All the trees were as old as 300-800 years; some had fallen down naturally and ferns were growing over them, covering the entire floor. Giant Douglas Firs can grow as old as 1000 years. It was a sensual experience to walk through the muddy forest in rain boots, hearing the squelch squerch of each step and feeling the softness of the ground underneath my feet. The smells were rich and strong.

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Trees have a calming and balancing effect on us. Our human heart generates a measurable bio-electro-magnetic filed. Scientists have shown how trees also generate a bio-energy field similar to the field of the human heart. The trees’ bio-energy field of the heart comes into coherence with the human heart when they get close to each other and visa versa. What we experience is being in resonance with the trees. Each tree has a different field. You can experiment with your eyes closed, touching different trees and with a bit of practice you will be able to keep them apart based on their different energy.

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Plants also certainly have a consciousness. They sense light, have smell receptors and can even hear. Scientists have shown that the sound of a munching caterpillar alone causes a reaction in plants. However, their consciousness goes beyond that. They can pick up on intentions. Cleve Backster’s polygraph experiments with plants in the sixties show that plants are able to pick up whether they are truly threatened to be harmed.

Backster, who was a criminologist, had the idea to hook up one of his plants to a lie detector to see if the plant would respond to a threat. He came up with the idea to burn one of the plant’s leaves. The moment he conceived of the idea, before he even moved to go get matches, the polygraph responded indicating distress; the plant had picked up on his intentions. When he came back into the room with matches the plant responded with a new high on the graph. When Backster decided he had caused enough plant panic for one day and made up his mind to forget about burning the leaf, the plant, which was still attached to the polygraph, calmed down completely. The plant had responded to his actions and to his intentions. Backster has beautifully demonstrated with this and other experiments the unified field of consciousness as it connects all life.

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Peter Wohlleben, in his book “The Hidden Life of Trees”, describes how trees help each other out through their underground root system. The root system supplies each tree with water and nutrients, connecting it to the other trees and anchoring it to the ground. According to Wohlleben, trees communicate through scents and through their roots with each other. They warn each other of parasites and other dangers. They are a perfect example on how we all need each other.

Trees of the same kind literally support each other and feed those members of their tree family which are located in areas of less water or nutrients. They know that if some of them die and disappear it creates gaps in the forest, and then hot sun and strong winds can alter the growth conditions for the entire forest. You could say trees have the ultimate unity consciousness of being one, which we humans seem to have all forgotten about.

In the old forest, we came across some living tree stumps. They had no greenery anymore to capture sun light and to use photosynthesis to produce plant food. Yet, they were clearly still living. They were alive thanks to the underground root system because they were still being fed by their neighbouring trees.

Being present with the trees, all of a sudden, we began to notice a peculiar thing. Many of the trees seemed to show up in pairs, being nurtured from the same entangled base of roots or at least standing close together or right across from each other, sometimes even with the path between them. As much as the trees shared their energy all around, there clearly seemed to be a certain frequency going between those pairs.

Walking through this forest, it occurred to me how the trees in this old forest are beautiful role models for our relationships. We all are tied and connected through our roots to a greater community and within that community we form one-on-one relationships, which undergo different experiences and changes. The stronger our one-on-one “relationship roots” and our connection to the whole community are, the more likely it is that we can survive any challenges.

The bark of each tree acts like a coat or like armour providing the tree with insulation and protection from the elements. The stronger and older a tree is, the better it is protected from outside influences. Perhaps the bark is comparable to the growing awareness and experience which comes with age and also symbolizes the energetic boundaries we learn to set with the outside world. Lots of us humans might need to examine if our bark is solid enough to repel negative influences. Is our bio-magnetic heart energy field strong, vibrating at the level of love and joy?

This is a giant hollow Red Cedar. It caught fire and smouldered for several days but then continued to live. Sometimes our relationships “catch fire” and burn out like this tree. Despite a fire, our relationships have the potential to continue to stand strong and grow tall when the fire has reached its end. This tree is now an amazing hollow cave, perhaps more beautiful and special than before: a living sign that when we open up to anything being possible, we can rise even out of a huge crisis.

Sometimes other people set fire to our relationships, intentional or unintentional. This giant red cedar which once stood 71 metres tall is a sign of hope. Vandals set it aflame in 1972, ending its 700-year life. It had to be cut down to prevent the fire spreading to other trees. But do you see the new plant growing on top of the old tree? This tree is an example of how something new grows out of the ashes of the old. When an old relationship dies, we can trust that a new one will grow from the ruins of the old.

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We need to acknowledge the loss of the old relationship and grieve it. Our conflicting feelings result from the fact that a familiar pattern has changed or ended for us. Grief is perfectly normal when a relationship ends. It might end due to death or separation/divorce. As John W James and Russell Friedman remind us, “divorce severs the martial, sexual and social ties, but divorce does not complete emotional ties”. We might need to ask “What do I wish had been different, better, or more?” to help us find what is incomplete and to take responsibility for our part in the relationship ending. An incomplete past may doom us to repeat the same patterns again. Incomplete grief can cause “hyperviligant self-protection from further emotional pain” (James/Friedman) and be the reason for fearful choices. For the new plant to grow strongly on top of the old one, we have to go back to complete any remaining grief. Then the new one can grow healthy, strong and even more beautiful.

The same applies to our non-romantic relationships. Resentment, anger, misunderstandings, and our stories of how somebody made us feel not good enough, keep us from healing relationships and allowing new sprouts to grow from the old. Forgiveness, letting go, and the willingness to take responsibility for our own past, present and future feelings, and for co-creating all our experiences, turn disharmonious and painful relationships into ones which unfold with grace, joy and harmony.

If you enjoy my posts, you can follow Greendoor to receive an e-mail notification whenever I post a new blog. All you need to do is to click the “follow” button in the right-hand corner of your screen.

Contact Angelika for Relationship Coaching

905-286-9466

greendoorrelaxation@yahoo.ca

Sexual Moksha – How We Block Our Energy Flow

(Special Thanks to Life Transformation Coach Michelle Burns for compiling some of the material referenced in this blog.)

We block our energy physically, emotionally, spiritually and mentally. Foods that are high in chemicals and refined sugars, medications, lack of sleep and movement all physically block the natural healthy energy flow. Our suppressed emotions are still held in the body and cause further blocks. Believing in the illusion of separation from spirit, over-identifying with our minds, keeping busy instead of allowing ourselves time for connecting to our own wisdom and intuition, all create a spiritual block. Our mental conditioning around our sexuality is due to religious, cultural and family influences. In our patriarchal and church-dominant history, sexuality and pleasure were branded as bad. It allowed the church to control people and disempowered the Divine Feminine, most obvious in the witch burnings during the 15th to 18th centuries

Our cultural brainwashing is very prevalent in the media, which connects sexuality with violence, domination and impurity. Sexuality is portrayed mostly on a low consciousness level in scenes of abuse, or as something dirty, bad and hidden. This perpetuates a cycle of shame, guilt and fear. Big pharmaceutical companies have an invested interest in this situation remaining this way. Viagra alone is a billion dollar industry. Empowering people to clear out their fears and emotional baggage means a financial loss for pharmaceutical companies who are at present selling medications to fix the superficial problems instead of clearing out the root cause for them.

Within our families, the limiting sexual beliefs are handed down to the next generation. Some examples are the topic of masturbation, which is still a taboo in many families, or the reluctance of many parents to explain sexual facts to their children age-appropriately but early on. The fear of having honest talks with our children and adequately teaching them that we are all sexual beings leads to them having secret sexual lives coloured by guilt and shame, hiding abuse experiences or drifting into teenage pregnancies and unnecessary abortion which usually have long-lasting psychological effects. Sexual shame and negative beliefs in regards to our body and our sexuality create a lot of emotional pain for all of us.

Hawkins Map-of-consciousness

David Hawkin’s , M.D., Ph.D. has calibrated different experience levels and connected emotions on a scale from 1 to 1000. Each emotion represents a different frequency that is measurable. Shame and guilt are the lowest vibration on the Hawkins’ scale of Consciousness. As the illustration shows, guilt (“I have done something wrong”) vibrates at 30, shame (“I am a bad person”) at 20 on this scale. 200 is the tipping point where we move into empowerment and health. No disease can exist above the frequency of 200. Our personal frequency also greatly affects the collective frequency of the planet and brings humanity as a whole into higher consciousness levels.

In order to manifest for us what we truly desire our visions have to match up with the frequency of love (500) and joy (540). Slower and heavier emotions cause visions to manifest slowly. If we stay emotionally in higher frequencies, visions manifest fast. The path to that level of love and joy is not by getting rid of the lower vibrational emotions or getting stuck in them but by experiencing them and getting them in flow. The key is not to make anything wrong, bad or a problem. Whatever comes up just is. When we are able to be present with our heavier emotions and see the beauty in them, we can shift out of suffering into a healthy flow of emotions and energy. Our emotions are our friends. We can allow the emotions to inform us of our unmet needs. The way shame and guilt lose their power over us is by looking them straight in their face, acknowledging them and clearing them out with somebody you trust in individual sessions or in a safe workshop space.

IMAG1193

Darryl Gurney is as a heart-centred healer who creates an atmosphere of trust and safety through his loving presence and laughter in all his workshops. “Sexual Moksha – Liberating Your Sensuous Soul for Pleasure, Magic and Creativity” once again has lots of moments of playfulness, light and fun. This is an opportunity to get out of your comfort zone in a safe space. Be prepared to move your bodies and let the inner child come out in sensual experiences.

Sexual Moksha pic

Contact Angelika if you are interested in the 2 day “Sexual Moksha” Workshop in Mississauga from April 23 &24, 2016. Early Bird is April 1.

905-286-9466, greendoorrelaxation@yahoo.ca

You might also be interested to read part one of this two part blog, “Sexual Moksha – Sexuality Beyond Our Limiting Beliefs”.

What is Ground Zero?

Just a couple of weeks ago, I was standing together with my neighbour and some of our kids, when my neighbour shared that they are going to New York with friends and that their friends want to visit Ground Zero. At that point her nine year old daughter piped up, “What is Ground Zero?” We all realized that she hadn’t heard about 9/11; she hadn’t even been born in 2001.

Now how does one answer a question like this without causing unnecessary fear in a child’s mind, or causing any political indoctrination or anger in the next generation? The term “ground zero” is used to describe the point on the earth’s surface closest to a detonation. Is that what her daughter had asked? Or did she rather need to know that—despite events like 9/11 or more recent bomb explosions in 2015—she can allow herself to feel safe in this world? As it was her daughter, I let my neighbour reply and she did a fabulous job of honesty answering while filtering her replies for the mind of a child. Very consciously finding the right words, she explained the events of 9/11 and that they had altered the world.

Be Soft

How do we hold the feeling that this is a beautiful and safe world? Fear is a powerful force. What effects have events like 9/11 had on the world? They increased the “them versus us” experience. The author Oriah Mountain Dreamer on her CD “Your Heart’s Prayer” shares how she and her spiritual friends got together just after 9/11 to pray and be in touch with what was happening in the world and what was reflected inside them. She describes how difficult it was at that time to remember that we are all one.

Listening to her friends, there was a lot of talk about “them” and “they”. Some friends would say, “They (the terrorists) hate the American way of life and want to destroy it!” And some Non-American friends would be concerned not just about the terrorists but also about the Americans and say, “They (the Americans) just want to strike back and bomb somebody, anybody.”

The message Oriah Mountain Dreamer received in one of her dreams at that time was “try saying ‘some of us’ because we are all one human race”. So she started saying, “some of us hate the American way of life” and “some of us just want to strike back” to acknowledge that we create this suffering for us, for the human family.

The next message was to even change the “them versus us” thinking further by using the phrase “part of me”. She began saying, “part of me hates the American way of life” and “part of me wants to just strike back”. Acknowledging that we all have those parts in us as well completely changes our experience.

Separating ourselves from “the others” in our life creates fear. Yet we do this unconsciously all the time. We think of our business versus that of the competition, or of our inheritance versus that of our siblings, or what our mother-in-law or daughter-in-law does differently from us, or what our ex-spouse might be out to get or do to us.

We create our own little ground zeros: The day our competitor underbid us and declared war, or the day our sibling did or said something absolutely unforgivable, or the day our mother-in-law or daughter in law showed their true face and became our enemy, or the day when our ex-spouse betrayed us. How many ground zeros have you created in your life?

 Tell me a story

We have a choice what stories we want to claim as ours. Let’s rather ask, “What do I share with people in the same business?” Maybe we all want to help others and can relax into knowing that there are enough clients or customers for all of us. “What do I share with my siblings that is way more important than the money?” That might be a common history, or precious memories, or the same blood, or the love for the same parents. “What do I share with my mother-or daughter-in-law?” Perhaps, the love for the same man and for the same children, or being a woman who is doing the best she can. “What do my ex-spouse and I have in common?” We both want the best for our children and are both trying to make the right choices for them and ourselves.

“Them versus us”, or “me versus him/her” mentality means we are choosing separation and judgment over unity, understanding and healing. The first causes fear. It’s the source of competition, stress, ongoing conflict and fights. The latter helps us to realize that the fear we have deep inside can be overcome in favour of a place of love and unity consciousness. That certainly is not an easy task but one worth undertaking.

Angelika

905-286-9466

greendoorrelaxation@yahoo.ca

If you enjoy my posts, you can follow Greendoor to receive an e-mail notification whenever I post a new blog. All you need to do is to click the “follow” button in the right-hand corner of your screen.

What if our desire is not part of God’s plan?

Beth's text

Hi Angelika,
I have a question. I’m wondering how we know or manage our life around God’s plan for us or God’s divine timing.  We can do all of this work to align our desires and subconscious beliefs but what if what we desire is not part of God’s plan now or ever?  I think the answer may have something to do with living in the moment and accepting where we are now. If we do that each day then I guess we never really need to be so concerned about the future?

Beth


Dear Beth,

Personally I believe the separation between us and God is an artificial one; it is an illusion. God or Life Force flows through us, expresses itself through us and as us. We are God.

So really you are asking, what if we have cleared out all subconscious blocks and limiting beliefs, we have really visualized and felt the future we are moving towards but our desires don’t manifest in the time or way our conscious Ego is expecting?

I believe there is a higher plan and a perfect time and way for everything. Part of creating consciously is to let go of all expectations. We need to set clear intentions, send out clear signals about what we want and then let go of how our desires are supposed to manifest.

Beth

In the Science of Mind tradition* praying and manifesting through affirmative prayer has five parts:

  1. RECOGNITION that God/Life Force/the Universe/Spirit is all there is
  1. UNIFICATION with God; acknowledging that we are not separate from God but part of God/Life Force/the Universe/Spirit
  1. DECLARATION (not begging for but stating the desire clearly) or REALIZATION (feeling what it feels like to have it)
  1. GRATITUDE (already feeling the gratitude for everything that you will receive as if you have already received it)
  1. RELEASE (truly letting it go and surrendering to the how and when of the manifestation)

It is not enough to visualize, we also often need to come up with actions step to manifest our dreams. The perfect partner, the perfect job or perfect health will not just fall from the sky right into our lap. However, if we cannot really feel what we want, our creations will be less successful. Step 3 as well as 4 require us to go into the feeling space of what it is we desire. How does it feel to have love in your life, or abundance or success?

Take the time to line up the Energy first,

and action becomes inconsequential.

If you don’t take the time to line up the Energy,

if you don’t find the feeling place of what you’re looking for,

not enough action in the world will make any difference.

– Abraham

The letting go part (step 5) is an important element of manifesting as well. When you send off a letter, you put it in the mail box and trust that it will get delivered and it will be answered, don’t you? Not trusting that God or the Universe will hear you or respond, is as if you are opening the mail box to check over and over again if the letter has really been sent.

mail box

You are also absolutely right that “living in the moment and accepting where we are now” is part of the process. I would add to “accepting” “and loving what is”. We need to start living in this moment in time what we want to create. If we want respect, we need to make sure we are respecting ourselves and others. If we want more abundance, the fastest way to get it is to focus on all the abundance we already have. If we want love, we need to love ourselves and be loving with others. Be love and you can’t help but attract it. Feel abundant, happy, healthy and so on and you will create more of it.

Sometimes we want something but our higher self has a different plan for us. A typical and a bit overused example is when we want to win the lottery. Is it really the million dollar win which we want, or is it rather the feeling such an abundance of money would give us? Maybe it’s a feeling of freedom or opportunities? Maybe we want to stop worrying about money or be able to help others?

Is there another way besides winning a million dollars to give us what we really want? Maybe the learning is to stop worrying about money and to help others with the time and talents we have? Can we start feeling abundant and free and create opportunities independent of money?

Life is not about how things happen but about living to our fullest potential. I do believe the benevolent force we call God wants the best for us now and always. So the trick is to relax into knowing that life just wants to be lived and that we will get what is best in the time and in the way which is best for us. We need to just continue creating as consciously as possible.

Angelika
905-286-9466

greendoorrelaxation@yahoo.ca

Angelika wide picture for blogs smaller

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*Science of Mind was established in 1927 by Ernest Holmes (1887–1960) and is a spiritual, philosophical and metaphysical religious movement within the New Thought movement.

Receiving Guidance

Oracle cards are an ancient method to receive guidance. They can help to answer questions we have about an issue we are faced with and to access our intuitive wisdom. Based on the spiritual Law of Attraction, certain cards show up which are related to what our soul already knows but we are not able to see clearly, because it is just on the edge of our consciousness. The cards help bring forth that inner knowing into our conscious awareness. They provide insights into those previously submerged thoughts, feelings and beliefs which we need to become aware of and work with. The insights can show us which thoughts and beliefs we might want to alter so that we can make choices which are congruent with our soul’s purpose.

 Oracle Cards2

One of my favourite card decks is “Messages from Your Animal Spirit Guides” by Stephen Farmer, who is going to be our key note speaker at the 2015 Burlington Wholistic Wellness Expo on May 31. Farmer is a shamanic practitioner, minister and psychotherapist and the author of several books about spirit animals, also called totem animals or power animals. This beautiful illustrated deck of cards features different animals and gives us a brief message from each of them. The accompanying guide book includes a longer description on how to interpret each card’s general meaning.

You can use oracle cards like these on your own, or in a group. Centre yourself and set a clear intention or ask a clear question. The question can be very specific or open ended like “What do I need to know right now?” One way to receive the answer is to shuffle the deck. Sometimes a card seems to fall out. Trust that “coincidence” that this is your card. If no card “jumps out”, stop shuffling when you get the intuitive sense to do so. Then pull a card either from the top of the deck or anywhere in the deck that you are guided to draw from. As you look at the card, pay attention to the first thing that comes to mind. Which parts of the card’s message resonate with you and how?

Last weekend, at our monthly PSYCH-K® practice group, which I offer for the students of Darryl Gurney’s classes, we used Stephen Farmer’s card deck to receive additional insights on which beliefs everybody might want to change. Three cards showed up more than once which was interesting as the participants worked together in groups of two. The same subjects re-emerged for everybody to pair up in teams with a matching topic. Some of the cards which showed up were the boar, the blue heron, the walrus and the bumblebee.

 Oracle Card - Boar

The boar encourages to “face your problems head-on with confidence and courage, and you will emerge victorious”. It’s a call to dig in and rummage around until you have discovered how to solve the current problem you have. Then you need to take immediate action to remedy it. Emerging victorious could be to either having conquered the problem or having changed your thinking about the situation, or both. Possible statements to balance might be “I deserve to get what I want” or “I always succeed in my endeavours” or “I am confident in my decisions”. Obviously each individual situation somebody is facing will give this message a personal aspect of what supportive beliefs are needed.

 Oracle Card - Blue Heron

The blue heron asks to “make a stand for what you believe in and do what feels right in spite of any judgment or disapproval from others”. Trust your deepest sense of knowing what the best action is for you. Don’t rely on others telling you what to do or on their assessment of you. Possible beliefs to change might be “I care less and less what other people think” or “I trust my own opinion and feelings” or “It’s ok for me to displease others to be true to myself”.

 Oracle Card - Walrus

The walrus warns to “remain vigilant about the current situation; pay attention to signs and omens, and let them dictate your choices”. Watch, listen and feel. Be aware of your dreams and other messages. You might want to journal and watch out for repetitions. Does it feel like a certain career situation or relationship is a call to set clear boundaries and to make new choices or changes? Possible beliefs to balance might be “I release all fear and attachment to a specific outcome” or “I trust the guidance I receive” or “I make conscious choices”.

 Oracle Card - Honeybee

The honeybee advises to “let compassion and forgiveness be your top priority in this situation”. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting, it does not mean saying somebody was wrong or right, it does not mean loving a person, it just means to release and free up the energy we have bound up with the feelings we have about a certain person or situation. Forgiveness requires that we acknowledge and accept responsibility for our judgments and that we release them. To forgive means to go beyond right and wrong. Sometimes we forget the most important person when we forgive: ourselves. Possible statements can be “I forgive… (insert person’s name) for … (insert what they have done or didn’t do)” or “I forgive myself for… “

 

Forgiveness

is the gift that you give yourself

that frees you from the pain

that you gave yourself by judging others negative.

 

Angelika 905-286-9466, greendoorrelaxation@yahoo.ca

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Truth and Vulnerability

I was at a very different and heart-opening networking event in Oakville yesterday. A small group of like-minded practitioners got together to support each other. The topic of the meeting was “Truth and Vulnerability”. The hostess was doing an amazing job at creating a safe space for everybody to share their vulnerable place.

What was interesting to see is how our perception plays a big part in being in that place of not feeling safe. Two people can give the same facts a completely different meaning based on their belief systems, their individual challenges, and their goals.

A perspective we sometimes have is the “That’s not fair” story. I have been running a “That’s not fair” story myself recently. Not only does this story make us feel like a victim, it also disregards that there is a bigger picture: whatever shows up is happening for a reason, or two reasons, or three… There is something for us to learn.

call for love

If everything that shows up is either a call for me to be Loving or for me to recognize the Love, it really changes our stories. The “This is not fair story” suddenly sounds completely different. We can re-write the story from Love.

Being in a loving presence in the presence of somebody who is temporarily showing up from a place of being out of Love is not easy. To be in that place of peace and Love, no matter what somebody else is doing or saying, requires that we notice the triggers and do our own work.

What if we asked, what does the situation invite me to do that I would otherwise not be doing? Maybe the learning is to let go of a certain attachment and open up to something new.

Releasing my particular “That’s not fair” story invites me to step out of my comfort zone. I prefer to market low key, and to fly just slightly under the radar. That has always worked well for me. All of a sudden though, the Universe is reminding me that I can step out more, be heard and seen louder and clearer; spread the word to more people. I can continue saying “it is not fair what so and so is doing” and I can delude myself that “I am being forced to do something I don’t want to do”, or I can just trust that this is happening because something better wants to unfold.

My good friend Lisbeth Fregonese, who organizes the Burlington Wholistic Wellness Expo, reminded me yesterday, that I have been – like many of us – a bit of a pioneer. I have been a PSYCH-K® hub for Darryl Gurney’s students in the GTA. I have been sponsoring his workshops 3-4 times a year and running a monthly practice group for his students.

That energy draws further similar energy in. It calls for more, for a stronger presence in the Golden Horseshoe, which will ultimately be known as the Healthiest Community on Earth. Matt Scherb, again another pioneer, started this initiative and the ball is rolling continuously to manifest this vision.

Now, the question is, in which direction am I expanding next, to respond to this shift in energy and to create new foot-prints? I trust the Universe has a plan already and I just need to follow the synchronicities and guidance.

photo 4 (6)

For workshops or private one-on-one sessions contact

Angelika, 905-286-9466 or greendoorrelaxation@yahoo.ca

If you are enjoying my posts please consider following Greendoor to receive an e-mail notification whenever I post a new blog. Just click the follow button in the right hand corner of your screen.