A new year is here, a fresh start. We look back to the old year and want to improve in the new one. We want to exercise more, eat better, learn something new, start an activity, or improve our relationships. These are all wonderful ideas, but how long will these resolutions last?
Fast forward to the second Friday in January, which, according to Strava, a network for tracking physical exercise, is “Quitter’s Day or “Ditch New Year’s Resolution Day.” Often our resolutions do not even last 21 days, which is necessary to establish a new habit. Willpower will only get us so far. We must set the right goals and work with our psyche to ensure our New Year’s resolutions last.
Here are some of the main reasons Why New Year’s Resolutions Fail & How to Make Them Stick:
- Overreaching
Make sure you don’t overreach when you set a goal. Overreaching could be deciding to run a marathon when we never ran, aiming for the perfect beach body when we have never enjoyed going to the gym, wanting to get back to being as fit as we were at 20 when we are 50, fixing our finances within a couple of months, or learning a new language and expecting fluency in a short time.
Goals need to be reasonable, attainable and sustainable. Find the right kind of difficulty for you. What is a good challenge versus a goal that is not sustainable beyond the first couple of weeks? If you are running or going to the gym three times a week instead of daily, that is better than not at all, or if you are having fun learning a language so you can converse a bit on your next vacation, that is something to be proud of. If you have overreached, adjusting your goals is not failure but guarantees success.
2. Unspecific Goals
A goal that is too fuzzy is not useful either, e.g. “I want to be a better friend” or “I want to improve my marriage” or “I want to be healthier.” Goals need to be specific and measurable, e.g. “I will reach out to three people every week, either by phone or text” or “I will schedule appreciation time with my partner for half an hour every Sunday morning” or “I will go on the treadmill three times per week.”
3. Year-Long Resolutions
Another mistake is to set year-long resolutions versus doing a short-term trial. Do a 7-day or one-month trial to see if you like the new activity you have picked. If not, it is smart to adjust to another equally beneficial goal.
4. No support
Giving up is also much more likely if we don’t have a community that encourages us to continue working towards a goal. So ask, who would want to do this with me or who can support me? If possible, set up an encouraging accountability partner or group.
Perhaps you and your partner want to explore a new activity together? You could try a new sport, take a dance class, or do something creative together. But don’t despair if you have diverging interests. Perhaps your partner or a friend can support you by being encouraging.
5. Fixing a Problem
We set ourselves up for failure when we want to “fix a problem” with our goal. If we have been overeating and are out of shape, or we have been overspending and want to fix this issue with our goal setting, the underlying emotion is usually shame. Our subconscious mind does not do well with shame.
A new goal is more successful if you allow yourself to explore something new for which you might have a gift or passion or feel excited about. Treat the new hobby, activity or learning endeavour as an adventure to explore. Perhaps you will develop a passion for cooking, dancing, theatre, playing an instrument, learning a language or visual arts. If you find it exciting for the sake of doing it, it will be fulfilling and an opportunity to also reach some social goals like making new friends. If the most efficient exercise to get into shape is running, but you do not particularly like it, find a different movement you enjoy more. No matter if Kale is healthy, if you do not love it, get excited about other food choices.
6. Attaching Happiness to Reaching a Goal
Another trap we can fall into is attaching happiness to reaching our goals, e.g. “I will be happy when I have lost 20 lbs” or “I will feel accomplished when I am fluent in Spanish” or “I will feel complete when I have a romantic partner.” It is better to find joy and happiness in the activity itself than in reaching the goal. Is it making you happy to run, go to the gym, take the language, dance, music or art class, or meet new people?
7. Setting Too Many Goals
You might wonder how many new goals we should set simultaneously. One goal might lead to being unbalanced and also trigger perfectionism. If my only goal is fitness, I might overemphasize that area of my life and sacrifice other areas. However, too many goals will make us feel overwhelmed. So, how about you pick two or three different smaller goals? One could be for physical health, and you add one or two more for intellectual, social, mental, or emotional growth. That guarantees more balance.
8. Not Prioritizing
A sure way to fail is not making the time for working towards your goals. If we want to do something new, we need to make it a priority and schedule it.
Explore the concept of hidden time. When are there pockets of time in your schedule where you are waiting for something or sitting around? Could that time spent on public transport, in the car, in airports, or scrolling through social media be allocated differently?
Be clear about what you give up to make time for reaching your goal. Do less of what you like and more of what you love. You might like sleeping in, scrolling on social media or watching Netflix, but do you love working towards your goals more? Then, use your time for your new activity.
9. Aiming for Perfection
And last but not least, be prepared for the day that you fall off the wagon. That is normal. Sustaining a goal involves recovering from missing a day or two (or more) when we have resolved to do something regularly. Do not beat yourself up. Give yourself some grace. Be gentle with yourself and let it go. Expecting perfection will trip us up into feeling shame and giving up. Aim for sustainability rather than perfection. If you haven’t gone to the gym for three days or a week, no matter the reasons, remember that tomorrow is a new day. You can just start it up again—or find a different exercise that you feel more excited about.
You might also be interested to read “How to Ensure You Are Reaching Your Goals.”
For help with your goal setting reach out to inquire about a session.