How do we heal shame and develop shame resilience? Shames grows and thrives through secrecy, silence and judgment. Shame hates being spoken. If we bring empathy to a situation which evokes shame, shame cannot survive.
“Will you stop guilt tripping me?!” exclaims Peter. His wife is surprised: “I am not trying to make you feel guilty. I am just trying to get through to you…” but Peter has shut down. His body language indicates that what he is actually feeling right now is not guilt but shame. Shame is one of the most destructive emotions in a relationship. It corrodes the parts in us that believe that we can do better.