Magical Forest

As a child, the highly symbolic Brother Grimm’s fairy tales were read to me in the original version and I always wondered what these magical mystical forests from the traditional tales were like. They were forests in which you could get lost; they were dark and mysterious with fairy doors and other mysterious creatures, places to find lots of amazing gifts.

Last month, I had a truly beautiful experience. I had the opportunity to visit an incredibly old forest in British Columbia, just like the ones I had heard about as a child. The energy in this forest was indescribable. All the trees were as old as 300-800 years; some had fallen down naturally and ferns were growing over them, covering the entire floor. Giant Douglas Firs can grow as old as 1000 years. It was a sensual experience to walk through the muddy forest in rain boots, hearing the squelch squerch of each step and feeling the softness of the ground underneath my feet. The smells were rich and strong.

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Trees have a calming and balancing effect on us. Our human heart generates a measurable bio-electro-magnetic filed. Scientists have shown how trees also generate a bio-energy field similar to the field of the human heart. The trees’ bio-energy field of the heart comes into coherence with the human heart when they get close to each other and visa versa. What we experience is being in resonance with the trees. Each tree has a different field. You can experiment with your eyes closed, touching different trees and with a bit of practice you will be able to keep them apart based on their different energy.

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Plants also certainly have a consciousness. They sense light, have smell receptors and can even hear. Scientists have shown that the sound of a munching caterpillar alone causes a reaction in plants. However, their consciousness goes beyond that. They can pick up on intentions. Cleve Backster’s polygraph experiments with plants in the sixties show that plants are able to pick up whether they are truly threatened to be harmed.

Baxter, who was a criminologist, had the idea to hook up one of his plants to a lie detector to see if the plant would respond to a threat. He came up with the idea to burn one of the plant’s leaves. The moment he conceived of the idea, before he even moved to go get matches, the polygraph responded indicating distress; the plant had picked up on his intentions. When he came back into the room with matches the plant responded with a new high on the graph. When Backster decided he had caused enough plant panic for one day and made up his mind to forget about burning the leaf, the plant, which was still attached to the polygraph, calmed down completely. The plant had responded to his actions and to his intentions. Backster has beautifully demonstrated with this and other experiments the unified field of consciousness as it connects all life.

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Peter Wohlleben, in his book “The Hidden Life of Trees”, describes how trees help each other out through their underground root system. The root system supplies each tree with water and nutrients, connecting it to the other trees and anchoring it to the ground. According to Wohlleben, trees communicate through scents and through their roots with each other. They warn each other of parasites and other dangers. They are a perfect example on how we all need each other.

Trees of the same kind literally support each other and feed those members of their tree family which are located in areas of less water or nutrients. They know that if some of them die and disappear it creates gaps in the forest, and then hot sun and strong winds can alter the growth conditions for the entire forest. You could say trees have the ultimate unity consciousness of being one, which we humans seem to have all forgotten about.

In the old forest, we came across some living tree stumps. They had no greenery anymore to capture sun light and to use photosynthesis to produce plant food. Yet, they were clearly still living. They were alive thanks to the underground root system because they were still being fed by their neighbouring trees.

Being present with the trees, all of a sudden, we began to notice a peculiar thing. Many of the trees seemed to show up in pairs, being nurtured from the same entangled base of roots or at least standing close together or right across from each other, sometimes even with the path between them. As much as the trees shared their energy all around, there clearly seemed to be a certain frequency going between those pairs.

Walking through this forest, it occurred to me how the trees in this old forest are beautiful role models for our relationships. We all are tied and connected through our roots to a greater community and within that community we form one-on-one relationships, which undergo different experiences and changes. The stronger our one-on-one “relationship roots” and our connection to the whole community are, the more likely it is that we can survive any challenges.

The bark of each tree acts like a coat or like armour providing the tree with insulation and protection from the elements. The stronger and older a tree is, the better it is protected from outside influences. Perhaps the bark is comparable to the growing awareness and experience which comes with age and also symbolizes the energetic boundaries we learn to set with the outside world. Lots of us humans might need to examine if our bark is solid enough to repel negative influences. Is our bio-magnetic heart energy field strong, vibrating at the level of love and joy?

This is a giant hollow Red Cedar. It caught fire and smouldered for several days but then continued to live. Sometimes our relationships “catch fire” and burn out like this tree. Despite a fire, our relationships have the potential to continue to stand strong and grow tall when the fire has reached its end. This tree is now an amazing hollow cave, perhaps more beautiful and special than before: a living sign that when we open up to anything being possible, we can rise even out of a huge crisis.

Sometimes other people set fire to our relationships, intentional or unintentional. This giant red cedar which once stood 71 metres tall is a sign of hope. Vandals set it aflame in 1972, ending its 700-year life. It had to be cut down to prevent the fire spreading to other trees. But do you see the new plant growing on top of the old tree? This tree is an example of how something new grows out of the ashes of the old. When an old relationship dies, we can trust that a new one will grow from the ruins of the old.

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We need to acknowledge the loss of the old relationship and grieve it. Our conflicting feelings result from the fact that a familiar pattern has changed or ended for us. Grief is perfectly normal when a relationship ends. It might end due to death or separation/divorce. As John W James and Russell Friedman remind us, “divorce severs the martial, sexual and social ties, but divorce does not complete emotional ties”. We might need to ask “What do I wish had been different, better, or more?” to help us find what is incomplete and to take responsibility for our part in the relationship ending. An incomplete past may doom us to repeat the same patterns again. Incomplete grief can cause “hyperviligant self-protection from further emotional pain” (James/Friedman) and be the reason for fearful choices. For the new plant to grow strongly on top of the old one, we have to go back to complete any remaining grief. Then the new one can grow healthy, strong and even more beautiful.

The same applies to our non-romantic relationships. Resentment, anger, misunderstandings, and our stories of how somebody made us feel not good enough, keep us from healing relationships and allowing new sprouts to grow from the old. Forgiveness, letting go, and the willingness to take responsibility for our own past, present and future feelings, and for co-creating all our experiences, turn disharmonious and painful relationships into ones which unfold with grace, joy and harmony.

If you enjoy my posts, you can follow Greendoor to receive an e-mail notification whenever I post a new blog. All you need to do is to click the “follow” button in the right-hand corner of your screen.

Contact Angelika for Relationship Coaching

905-286-9466

greendoorrelaxation@yahoo.ca

A Strong Position of Self-Respect

Mary-Ann and Paul are retired and live close to their only son who has three boys under the age of eight. They love to babysit but find that there are expected to drop everything at short notice when her son and daughter-in-law want to go out. “As if they think, we have no life of our own”, Mary-Ann says. She is growing more resentful about this. Lately, she has made some snippy remarks to Grace, her daughter-in-law, hoping she will “get it” but the pattern remains the same. Her resentment and feeling of not being appreciated is beginning to cloud the babysitting and the relationship with her children.

Unless we set clear boundaries in a loving and consistent way, we cannot expect that other people will automatically treat us and our needs with respect. Grace cannot mind-read what Mary-Ann and Paul need. The grandparents have always made themselves available last minute. Mary-Ann will have to say something like, “If you want us to babysit this weekend, please let us know by Wednesday”. Being informed three days prior is her personal boundary. If her daughter-in-law ignores that request, Mary-Ann is free to make other plans and will need to lovingly say “I am sorry, we made other plans because we did not know you needed our help.” She will also need to extend an invitation to interact within her boundaries. “If you want to go out next weekend, we are happy to babysit as long as you let us know by Wednesday.” No apology,  further explanation or justification of that boundary is needed.

Mary-Ann is afraid that if she sets boundaries and says “no”, her son will be upset and her daughter-in-law will find another babysitter. In order to have her needs respected, she will need to be okay with the fact that another babysitter might be called. She will need to trust that she and her husband are valued and appreciated as grandparents and sitters; valued enough for her children to be willing to plan ahead. She will also need to be okay with displeasing her son. Boundaries are not meant to make others happy. Their purpose is a strong position of self-respect which in turn leads to mutual respect.

Setting boundaries is necessary and beneficial at any age. Sometimes the older generation does not hear or respect the needs of the younger generation without clear boundaries. Caroline and Mario have been married for seven years. Their children are 5 and 3 ½ years old. Caroline lost her parents when she was young. When she married Mario, she was excited to become part of a big Italian family.

What she hadn’t bargained on was the dysfunctionality of her new extended family. Despite her in-laws being generally warm and welcoming, there were, from the first moment on, also a lack of boundaries and a continuous level of disrespect for the individual needs of the family members. Everybody shared every private detail about the other family members with each other. Mario grew up used to discussing his decisions with his parents and brothers. They had an opinion about everything.

Mario’s mother is the matriarch of the household and “what she says goes”. She uses manipulation and emotional outbursts to keep everybody in line. Her habit of meddling, prying, and giving unasked advice is being tactless and crossing personal boundaries between adults. Yelling at others and threatening or guilting them into doing something they have decided not to do, are also disrespectful interactions and crosses boundaries. The father is usually quiet but when he has had too much to drink he becomes inappropriate or angry. He then acts very similar to the mother.

Different family members have learned dysfunctional ways of getting around the parent’s dictatorial ways. One of Mario’s sisters is always the poor victim in one way or another; one of Mario’s brothers lies and secretly meets his own needs to avoid arguments and angry outbursts. Those are all understandable choices to walk the path of least resistance. However, nobody can ever take away your self-respect and integrity unless you make the choice to give it to them.

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Caroline and Mario have decided that they want to walk a path of honesty and greater self-respect than his siblings. That required that they set different boundaries with his family together. Mario and Caroline asked to receive a phone call before his parents would just pop over for an unannounced visit. They asked to have alone time on weeknights after they both had an exhausting day at work. They asked to spend part of each holiday with their children alone before going over to the parents’. They are discussing their matters first, making their own decisions before sharing with the extended family. They have learned that they do not need to share every decision with them.

Caroline and Mario have also learned to recognize triangles within the family which are set up to control all the family members. Whenever the mother felt she might not get her will, she would complain to one of the other siblings, who then in turn would take on the role of making the mother happy and get involved by approaching Mario. Mario had to learn to refuse these unhealthy interactions, whether he happened to be the son “fallen out of grace” or the favourite one at any given time. A healthy communication is a direct communication between the people involved. Triangles serve the purpose of pressuring a person into submission and are not a respectful way of interacting.

Initially, setting boundaries was interpreted by Mario’s parents as rejection. Fear came up for them that they would lose Mario’s love. But a surprising thing happened. Mario’s—and in extension Caroline’s—love for the parents grew once they stopped making their decisions based on making the parents happy but based on everybody’s needs, including their own. Instead of out of fear of repercussions, they spend time with Mario’s family out of desire and true love.

Boundaries are not meant to control other people. They are meant to help meet our needs and to respect each other. Boundaries always have two parts. Part one is setting or re-setting the boundaries, part two is extending an invitation to interact within the boundaries. Mario and Caroline had to lovingly re-set the same boundaries several times until the parents accepted them. They had to walk out a few times when emotions tipped over and one or both parents started to yell them down.

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Each time, they walked out with an invitation to connect the next day, or when a calm, sober and loving talk would be possible. Letting somebody abuse us is hurting them as much as it is hurting us. Underneath the person’s anger is a feeling of helplessness and fear. The disrespectful behaviour comes from the fear of being unloved and rejected. Exercising control through threats, guilt and shame, gives the person the illusion of power and of being respected. They confuse fear with love and respect. True love and respect comes from an interaction which considers everybody’s needs and desires.

A strong position of self-respect opens us up to self-love and loving others, instead of fearing them. Guilt and shame keep people at a low vibration of fear and prevent true love. Mario realized that fearing his parents was not loving them. Instead of feeling ashamed or guilty like he used to so many times when he grew up, he now feels he can pour all his love into his own small family and into his parents. In order for the old dynamic of power and control to change, he had to repeatedly refuse being cast as the “bad, guilty boy” who had done something wrong.

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Mature love is strong. It is aware of the dysfunctionality that exists in most families in some way or another, and it is patient and consistent despite the choices others make. Setting boundaries and inviting others to interact within those boundaries helps to get out of and stay out of dysfunction and disrespectful interactions.

 

If you enjoy my posts, you can follow Greendoor to receive an e-mail notification whenever I post a new blog. All you need to do is to click the “follow” button in the right-hand corner of your screen.

Angelika

905-286-9466

greendoorrelaxation@yahoo.ca

 

Sexual Moksha – How We Block Our Energy Flow

(Special Thanks to Life Transformation Coach Michelle Burns for compiling some of the material referenced in this blog.)

We block our energy physically, emotionally, spiritually and mentally. Foods that are high in chemicals and refined sugars, medications, lack of sleep and movement all physically block the natural healthy energy flow. Our suppressed emotions are still held in the body and cause further blocks. Believing in the illusion of separation from spirit, over-identifying with our minds, keeping busy instead of allowing ourselves time for connecting to our own wisdom and intuition, all create a spiritual block. Our mental conditioning around our sexuality is due to religious, cultural and family influences. In our patriarchal and church-dominant history, sexuality and pleasure were branded as bad. It allowed the church to control people and disempowered the Divine Feminine, most obvious in the witch burnings during the 15th to 18th centuries

Our cultural brainwashing is very prevalent in the media, which connects sexuality with violence, domination and impurity. Sexuality is portrayed mostly on a low consciousness level in scenes of abuse, or as something dirty, bad and hidden. This perpetuates a cycle of shame, guilt and fear. Big pharmaceutical companies have an invested interest in this situation remaining this way. Viagra alone is a billion dollar industry. Empowering people to clear out their fears and emotional baggage means a financial loss for pharmaceutical companies who are at present selling medications to fix the superficial problems instead of clearing out the root cause for them.

Within our families, the limiting sexual beliefs are handed down to the next generation. Some examples are the topic of masturbation, which is still a taboo in many families, or the reluctance of many parents to explain sexual facts to their children age-appropriately but early on. The fear of having honest talks with our children and adequately teaching them that we are all sexual beings leads to them having secret sexual lives coloured by guilt and shame, hiding abuse experiences or drifting into teenage pregnancies and unnecessary abortion which usually have long-lasting psychological effects. Sexual shame and negative beliefs in regards to our body and our sexuality create a lot of emotional pain for all of us.

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David Hawkin’s , M.D., Ph.D. has calibrated different experience levels and connected emotions on a scale from 1 to 1000. Each emotion represents a different frequency that is measurable. Shame and guilt are the lowest vibration on the Hawkins’ scale of Consciousness. As the illustration shows, guilt (“I have done something wrong”) vibrates at 30, shame (“I am a bad person”) at 20 on this scale. 200 is the tipping point where we move into empowerment and health. No disease can exist above the frequency of 200. Our personal frequency also greatly affects the collective frequency of the planet and brings humanity as a whole into higher consciousness levels.

In order to manifest for us what we truly desire our visions have to match up with the frequency of love (500) and joy (540). Slower and heavier emotions cause visions to manifest slowly. If we stay emotionally in higher frequencies, visions manifest fast. The path to that level of love and joy is not by getting rid of the lower vibrational emotions or getting stuck in them but by experiencing them and getting them in flow. The key is not to make anything wrong, bad or a problem. Whatever comes up just is. When we are able to be present with our heavier emotions and see the beauty in them, we can shift out of suffering into a healthy flow of emotions and energy. Our emotions are our friends. We can allow the emotions to inform us of our unmet needs. The way shame and guilt lose their power over us is by looking them straight in their face, acknowledging them and clearing them out with somebody you trust in individual sessions or in a safe workshop space.

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Darryl Gurney is as a heart-centred healer who creates an atmosphere of trust and safety through his loving presence and laughter in all his workshops. “Sexual Moksha – Liberating Your Sensuous Soul for Pleasure, Magic and Creativity” once again has lots of moments of playfulness, light and fun. This is an opportunity to get out of your comfort zone in a safe space. Be prepared to move your bodies and let the inner child come out in sensual experiences.

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Contact Angelika if you are interested in the 2 day “Sexual Moksha” Workshop in Mississauga from April 23 &24, 2016. Early Bird is April 1.

905-286-9466, greendoorrelaxation@yahoo.ca

You might also be interested to read part one of this two part blog, “Sexual Moksha – Sexuality Beyond Our Limiting Beliefs”.

Sexual Moksha – Sexuality Beyond Our Limiting Beliefs

Here is a brand new workshop, created by my friend Darryl Gurney. He calls his workshop “Sexual Moksha. Liberating Your Sensuous Soul for Pleasure, Magic and Creativity.”

“Moksha” is a Sanskrit word and means “Liberation” or “Emancipation”. Why would we want to liberate ourselves from our sexual conditioning, you might wonder? Is it really that important? What do I gain from working on that area of my life?

Our sexual energy has an impact on our overall health and happiness. This energy is located in our second chakra and is also our creative energy, our innovative impulse and life force energy which allows us to be connected to our spirituality.

One in three women and one in six men have been sexually abused at one point. These experiences affect us consciously and subconsciously for the rest of our lives. Abused children usually make these incidents mean something about themselves; they often experience guilt or shame and learn beliefs about themselves which prevent joyful and fulfilled relationships. Every one of us, whether we had abuse experiences or not, has been affected in some way by the sexual shame present in our culture. Sexual shame, dysfunction and guilt block our life force energy, stifle our creative energy, our passion, and our joy. Beliefs about being a bad person (shame), about having done something wrong (guilt) or not deserving the best that love and life have to offer are the root for co-creating a reality of limited health and happiness.

Our sexual energy has an impact on our overall health. Sexual energy is energy in motion which keeps our body vibrant, young and healthy. Leonard Laskow. MD, a former gynaecologist, has done extensive research on sexual diseases and has found a strong correlation between our sexual-emotional issues and physical issues. Herpes, for example, on the emotional-mental side can be connected to difficulty trusting others, struggling to forgive ourselves and others and challenges around self-love and loving others. As his patients healed their emotional issues, the physical symptoms dissipated. Impotence, to just mention one more of many examples, has been connected to a fear of loss and confusion in relationships, performance stress or sexual shame.

When we liberate buried emotions and release limiting beliefs, our life force energy can flow again. Our sexual energy can connect us to the Divine, and allows us to experience unity and bliss with a partner. Our sexual energy is also a potent force for manifestation. When we place our intention to create and manifest something at the tip of an orgasm, the energy goes out into the field with great power. If you want to read more about how we block our true potential please continue reading part two of this blog, called “Sexual Moksha – How We Block Our Energy Flow”.

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Those of you who have met Darryl have known him as a heart-centred healer who creates an atmosphere of trust and safety through his loving presence and laughter. So you won’t be surprised to hear that this workshop once again has lots of moments of playfulness, light and a lot of fun. Dress comfortably, be prepared to move your bodies, dance and play with different energies and let the inner child come out to liberate your soul.

I am sponsoring the first 2 day “Sexual Moksha – Liberating Your Sensuous Soul for Pleasure, Magic and Creativity” Workshop in Mississauga on April 23 & 24, 2016. Contact me to sign up. Early Bird is as always three weeks prior to the class, on April 1.

Angelika 905-286-9466, greendoorrelaxation@yahoo.ca