Snapshot Moments

Do you know that feeling when you can’t help but think your heart is going to burst? Driving home from dinner on Friday night with my family and two of my best friends, I had one of those moments which I call a “snapshot moment”. The kids started singing and in no time, all six of us were singing “Lean On Me”. My heart was overflowing with boundless joy and deep love. It was a simple yet powerful moment in time. And there is a part in me who takes somewhat of a kinaesthetic snapshot at that moment to eternalize this memory.

Sometimes a heartfelt experience is a small moment like being together and connecting through a smile, words or music, through love and trust; sometimes a snapshot moment can be an important moment, a significant episode.

snapshot moment 2

One of my favourite snapshot moments is holding my first daughter just after she was born. I can instantly recall the feeling in my heart which I had as I was looking into her eyes. It was the end of a five year long fertility struggle. She was a surprise baby who, according to the doctors, was not supposed to have existed. She was the greatest gift I had ever received up to that point.

A heart-opening snapshot moment is usually full of love, laughter, inner peace, deep gratitude, aliveness, flowing in the moment, feeling complete or having a sense of unity and bliss.

snapshot moments 3

Love is the impulse towards unity. In a snapshot moment there is no separation between you and others. Your heart is so full that there is no room for fear-based emotions like greed, jealousy, envy, resentment, anger, inferiority or not feeling good enough. We instinctively know the truth of who we are. There is no doubt that we are perfectly lovable and absolutely enough exactly the way we are.

In Holoenergetics® and Shadow Energetics® we use these loving memories to bring up heart-felt feelings in the centre of our chest to shift energy and to heal ourselves, others and our relationships through love. We do this, among other things, by embracing our dark or light shadows or by clearing and balancing the energy in relationships to each other.

Why do we utilize the power of love? Because love is the universal harmonic, the desire for unity. “While love can take many forms, its essence is relatedness. We can become aware of this relatedness or non-separation, which always exists. We can experience and feel it as the impulse toward unity, and we can express and manifest it through our actions.” (Leonard Laskow, Love as a Healing Force)

Because love dissolves all separation and smooths all chaos it is a powerful healing energy and the one catalyst for transformation. Our inability to love ourselves or to receive love from others is the source of most of our physical or emotional issues. As children we often receive mixed messages about love. During the process of growing up we are taught that we are separate and not safe. We develop a “me/us against them” consciousness. In her beautiful audio CD Your Heart’s Prayer, Oriah Mountain Dreamer shifts our experience by suggesting we say “some of us” instead of “they”. She then even takes it a step further and exchanges “some of us” with “part of me”. Hate and fear dissolve into understanding and love when we shift our consciousness towards unity.

Heart in Sky 1

Our struggles with love and with deep-seated feelings of separation are the result of our childhood experiences of conditional love or what felt like conditional love. Or we had experiences of abandonment, humiliation, rejection or betrayal. Those experiences lead to feelings of unworthiness, shame, and guilt that we are “not enough”. Shame, guilt and unworthiness breed physical and emotional illness.

When illness manifests in our body, we can choose to remain focused on symptoms and treating those, or we can go to the source of the disorder and transform it. This means going into ourselves, into our heart, to that part of our being that maintains the sense of unity instead of feelings of separation, isolation, fear or pain. It means choosing love, joy and peace within your mind and body. Nothing is more important than the feeling of self-love and happiness inside.

Being happy is the cornerstone of all that you are! Nothing is more important than that you feel good! And you have absolute and utter control about that because you can choose the thought that makes you worry or the thought that makes you happy; the things that thrill you, or the things that worry you. You have the choice in every moment.

—Abraham

What is your favourite snapshot memory? How often do you connect with one of those memories? How often do you laugh? How often do you hug your inner child and check in with her/his needs? How often do you connect with the love your true essence has for you, all part of you?

If you are enjoying my posts you can follow Greendoor to receive an e-mail notification whenever I post a new blog. All you need to do is to click the follow button in the right hand corner of your screen.

To experience Holoenenergetics®, Shadow Work, Hypnosis or Belief Changes through PSYCH-K®, or to take part in a workshop

contact Angelika

905-286-9466

greendoorrelaxation@yahoo.ca

 

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Wabi Sabi Love

“You seem to have it all so together,” somebody said to me last week. Interesting perception, I thought, because I certainly don’t. “You seem to have such a close relationship with your children while other people struggle with their teenagers, and you have such nice family traditions, and in general such positive relationships and your business is going so well. How do you do that?” she continued.

Ever since that conversation, I have been puzzled as to why somebody might have that perception. Are all relationships in my life perfect? Of course not. Some relationships can certainly still be improved. And those that are healthy and loving relationships are the result of years and years of work. Relationships want to be built and then maintained by spending quality time together and having open and honest conversations. I had to examine how my parents parented and change what didn’t work for me.

The second thing which probably creates the impression that everything is rosy is that I usually choose to focus on the positive. In every given moment, we have the choice to focus on everything that is not perfect or unsatisfactory, or we can choose to love what is. Do my daughters and I have disagreements? Of course. We talk about it, we express our feelings and move on. Is my father the perfect father and grandfather? Of course not, but he loves us in the way he can. Does my partner always do what I would like him to do? Of course not. In fact, he does many things I would do completely differently. I could constantly focus on what I don’t like, or I can choose to focus on what I do like. It is after all not my job to change him or any other family member! It is my job to love the people in my life the way they are.

Arielle Ford describes in her book Wabi Sabi Love how to accept, embrace and love imperfection: your own and your partner’s. She shows that how we choose to see things informs the way they appear for us: “The human mind can be a fault-finding machine uniquely equipped to focus with laserlike precision on the few things that are lacking, rather than on the bigger picture of all that we have in abundance.” (Arielle Ford)

Wabi Sabi - vase

She teaches in her book to love and value imperfection, based on an Ancient tradition called Wabi Sabi. In the world of Wabi Sabi, a broken vase with a crack, for example, is way more valuable than it was when it was not cracked.

Arielle Ford relates this ancient art form to love and to our relationships. Wabi Sabi love is grounded in acceptance. “It’s the practice of accepting the flaws, imperfections, and limitations—as well as the gifts and the blessings—that form your shared history as a couple.” (Arielle Ford)

In chapter 3, Arielle Ford describes a man who used to be challenged with accepting the emotional and mental state of his partner. The husband worked from home and the wife in a busy office. Frequently, she would come home in a tizzy, stressed out, tired, grumpy and in need for some TLC. Her husband’s righteous reply used to be, “didn’t you meditate today?” At that point, she would get even more angry and they would end up in a fight.

What was really going on underneath? He couldn’t stand her upset energy and tried to fix her rather than embracing her, accepting her present state of mind and allowing her to find her own centre. They learned to handle this situation differently with Wabi Sabi Love. Instead of making his wife feel inadequate, the husband now understands that she just wants to be heard. If he reverts back to the lecturing voice that wants to point out the stress-reductive effects of meditations, she does not get more upset like she used to. They now have a code to signal to each other that old ineffective behaviours have surfaced.

Wabi Sabi Love means “exploring, embracing, and actually falling in love with the cracks in each other and ourselves.” (Arielle Ford) It’s not an easy practice. I certainly need my reminders to love more and more the Wabi Sabi kind of way but I invite you to try this: Start loving your own imperfections and mistakes and apply the same to the people in your life. Love yourself with all your emotions and challenges. Love your partner, your children and your parents for who (s)he is/are and not for who you hope (s)he will be one day.

Wabi Sabi Love - there is a crack

The comment which was made to me also brought up another interesting question for me. In how far do we—especially as women—hold back from showing our happiness and success to others? How often do we pretend to be smaller than we are so that other people don’t feel jealous or envious or bad about themselves? How often do we use complaining to bond with other women because we focus on perfection instead of loving life’s imperfections?

Do we serve anybody by making ourselves smaller and less happy? We neither serve ourselves, nor others. Instead, we influence our own experience. We are willing to feel less satisfied and happy in a given moment to commiserate with somebody else. We choose to feel like a victim rather than like a manifestor of our reality. We are also not encouraging others to shine their full light brightly.

Wabi Sabi Love - M. Williamson quote

Don’t be afraid to be happy and shine your light. What other people think cannot change how you feel unless you allow it to. Choose your friends wisely but remember no jealousy or envy can affect you if you come from a loving heart wishing the best for everybody.

“Because others cannot vibrate in your experience, they cannot affect the outcome of your experience. They can hold their opinions, but unless their opinion affects your opinion, their opinion matters not at all. A million people could be pushing against you, and it would not negatively affect you unless you push back. They are affecting what happens in their experience. They are affecting their point of attraction—but it does not affect you unless you push against them.”

—Abraham

I know an amazing woman who is conscious, beautiful and smart. She has done her own work and has found the perfect man. He is patient, sensitive and in tune with her. He treats her with loving respect and has a lot in common with her. They have the same values and goals in life. They can openly talk about everything and he understands. He is in many ways the proverbial knight in shining armour. She has done lots of consciousness work and deserves this amazing relationship like nobody else I know. Yet, other women are looking at her happiness and are saying, “Yes, he is a great guy but he is younger than you…” This man is the dream come true in so many ways that the age difference is the only “flaw” they can find to criticize. Why can they not just be happy for her? Is there a part in us that struggles to allow others to be completely happy or successful?

Can we truly be happy for a girlfriend who has great success in business or is just getting married to an amazing man? Can we be truly happy for our sister who has improved her relationship with her children and is getting a promotion at work? Or do we allow those successes of others to trigger our own insecurities?

EVERYBODY struggles with something! There is no person on this planet who has it all together. How can we support each other to focus more on the good and to step into our own power? Instead of being happy to see another woman fail, let’s be happy for each other when we have succeeded at something. There is enough abundance, love and happiness around for everybody to have.

Spread Your Good Energy

Angelika

Relationship Coaching
905-286-9466

greendoorrelaxation@yahoo.ca

If you are enjoying my posts you can follow Greendoor to receive an e-mail notification whenever I post a new blog. All you need to do is to click the follow button in the right hand corner of your screen.

Setting Boundaries

I attended a beautiful full moon ceremony last week. The full moon symbolizes completion. There were several projects and events to give thanks for which have just come to completion, like our new Inner Child meditation CD project.

The full moon also invites to release what we want to let go of for the upcoming new moon cycle. This could be feelings like anger or fear. It might be sickness and disease. Or sometimes it is time to let our growing or even grown-up children live their own life and trust that they will be safe and protected. Considering my oldest one is moving out on her own in the fall, that was a good intention for me to set.

Some people around the camp fire decided to release “toxic family members”. I have very mixed feelings when I hear that. I do agree that we always need to have clear boundaries and that sometimes we need to love people from a distance. But is there such a thing as a “toxic person”, or is it rather that the person’s behaviours and actions happen to be toxic in some way? Also what about the relationship with that person? Could it be that it is our interactions with them, our communication and responses rather, which are really toxic?

When a relationship is abusive and/or life threatening we need to cut the cords completely. In all other relationships, we need to set clear boundaries. Regular unpleasant or what we tend to call “toxic” interactions show up for us to learn something. We cannot change others, but we can always change ourselves. Let’s examine what lessons show up. How are you or others getting affected by these unhealthy interactions? How are misunderstandings, hurt or pain created? What boundaries need to be set for the interactions to become healthy?

  1. Take a close look in the mirror. Every relationship is a dance between two people and we have to honestly decide what missteps we have made and what part we are playing for the situation to be the way it is. We have to take responsibility and own our half of the situation or nothing can change. Have we invited the other person to overstep boundaries? Then we need to change our own behaviour.
  1. Forgive yourself and others. Life is short and can be over from one day to the next. What upsets us now won’t make a difference in a few weeks, months or years. The things we hold on to that upset, irritate and annoy us create toxins in our bodies, our relationships, our family, our community, and our world.
  1. Examine whether the existing boundaries are healthy and work for you, and then clearly set or re-set boundaries.

Boundaries - Featured Image

One repeating theme over the last few weeks, for clients, friends and myself, was setting boundaries. The Universe has an interesting sense of humour at times. Whenever you think you have learned or mastered something, it will bring a new challenge or a new trigger to test you.

Having clear boundaries has almost become a catch phrase. What does that even mean? Who do we ultimately set boundaries for and why are boundaries healthy? Maybe a couple of examples will help.

A client of mine has a father who has an alcohol problem which he hasn’t faced. He goes from drama to drama, from accident to accident. She has been clear with him about what she has noticed, how she feels and what she is not willing to put up with. She has provided him with resources to get help. He is not ready to do anything to get help at this point.

Setting boundaries meant to tell him not to call her or show up when he is drunk. He has regular accidents and is frequently admitted to the hospital for an injury caused by falling. In the hospital, he has the chance to ask for help with his drinking problem but so far he hasn’t. Setting boundaries for my client means to not rush to the hospital but to trust her father to make his own choices.

Is that easy? It usually isn’t easy because a part of us still hopes for our loved ones to change. Does not rushing to him for help mean she doesn’t love her father? Not at all. Sometimes we need to love people from a distance or by setting and maintaining clear boundaries. What it means is that she loves herself! She makes her own feelings and the needs of her own core family first priority. We can still be compassionate and loving but at the same time very clear which lines we will not allow others to cross.

Boundaries-Brene Brown quote

One of my clients had to set boundaries with her mother. The mother gossips about one daughter with the other. One day, she forms an alliance with one daughter until something occurs that triggers her fears, then she turns to the other daughter and forms an alliance with the other. Those family dynamics have destroyed the friendship between the sisters and have created mistrust between all three women.

My mother used to do the same for the longest time. She would call me to complain about my sister’s kids and praise my children instead and visa versa. There is a part in us which feels flattered to be the chosen confidant and the one to hear what a good mother we are. However, how much does that truly mean if the wind can turn at any time and suddenly blow from another direction? The inability of our relatives to love themselves and others unconditionally causes us a lot of hurt. It creates competition instead of true unity.

My client gently but firmly had to tell her mother that she is sorry that she feels disappointed by her sister. She also had to tell her that she needs to talk to the sister herself. She had to clearly refuse gossiping. The mother desperately looks for an ally each time she feels unloved, rejected and disrespected. We can be compassionate with a relative who does this but need to set clear boundaries out of self-love.

I should have set clear boundaries with my own mother much earlier. It would have saved my sister and me years of unnecessary competition and grief. When I finally set boundaries with my mother, did that mean I didn’t love her? Not at all. I did and still do love my mother dearly. I also love myself and choose to live—most of the time, unless I forget—in a space beyond right and wrong, beyond judging others and myself. If somebody wants to complain about being a victim and wants to gossip because another person has triggered their inner feeling of unlove-ability, make a clear choice of not connecting in that way.

Boundaries-quote no

Who needs us to set clear boundaries? Our own Inner Child, the vulnerable part inside us, needs to feel loved, safe, protected and respected. Not setting boundaries is internal child abuse. By allowing others to cross our boundaries, we are telling our inner child “you are not worthy of your feelings being addressed and your needs being met”. We are not treating ourselves with love and respect.

Setting boundaries means to not allow others to pull us into drama or discord. It means speaking up when somebody sticks their nose into what is not their business and not allowing them to destroy our other relationships. Parents do not need to know any intimate details of their children’s relationships, just as children don’t need to be told any intimate, private or embarrassing details of their parent’s relationship. Those are blurry boundaries. They destroy respect and invite meddling. Talking behind somebody’s back about them is also a blurry boundary. Admittedly, we might all forget this at times but unless we are able to only say nice things, it is better to not talk about others when they are not present.

We need to clearly and lovingly let the other person know where our comfort level is and what feels good and loving and what doesn’t. Communication is the problem of the communicator, not the person communicated to. If the conversation doesn’t go well and we are not understood the way we intended, it is due to how we communicate with the other person. It is our responsibility to communicate as clearly as possible.

The only thing to do when we are struggling to be understood is to focus on a non-violent, clear, authentic communication while having clear boundaries. Check in with your inner child about what feels respectful and meets her/his needs. Express your feelings without blaming anyone. Nobody makes you feel a certain way. It also doesn’t matter who did what. All that matters is to acknowledge each other’s feelings and to take responsibility for one’s words and actions. Setting boundaries is not about rehashing the past but about changing the interactions in the present and in the future.

The more we set boundaries and stand-up for our inner child, the more we connect with what we truly feel and need. Every time you make a clear decision to set or maintain a boundary, it is another piece on the journey to true unconditional self-love.

Angelika

Life Coaching and Belief Changes
905-286-9466

greendoorrelaxation@yahoo.ca

If you are enjoying my posts you can follow Greendoor to receive an e-mail notification whenever I post a new blog. All you need to do is to click the follow button in the right hand corner of your screen.

Going Inwards

Have you ever had a day, or even a week, where you wondered why the whole world seems to have lost their mind? A day when you couldn’t believe that one silly thing after the next happened?

I did. One issue after the next came up and I was shaking my head at why it always all seems to happen at once. My best friend Claudia just laughed when I told her. She reminded me of what I knew but had forgotten this week: “Relax. It is not the world, it is you. Do you feel centred this week? Truly centred and strong? How many “energy strings” are leading away from you right now?”

She was right of course. The world mirrors for us what is going on inside. Life has been too busy lately. Busy in a good way, yet still out of balance. Life flows best when there is a balance between being extrovert and introvert, between doing and just being. And as much as she was not saying anything I don’t know—in fact I point energy leaks out to my clients all the time—I seemed to have forgotten my own teachings.

Why did I forget? Because sometimes life is so exciting, there are all those opportunities tempting us, all those connections to make and all those experiences to have, that we can forget to bring the energy back in and re-charge. We are so eager to be part of something and to feel the aliveness which comes from the experience of being in the middle of things that we sometimes tend to forget the peace that lies in the opposite of doing.

 Weeping Willow 3

I meditate daily but when life is extra busy I need more than that. I need more sleep and I need alone time. The “world gone crazy” showed me that it is time to re-charge, time to unplug from all social networks, time to cancel activities, time to go out and sit under my favourite tree, time to connect with the Universe outside in nature, time to re-focus on myself, time to collect all the energy back and to go inwards.

I unplugged for an entire day yesterday and can’t wait for the next day to “unplug”. As a reward for just being present in the moment, for being spontaneous and going for a walk, the Universe had a little surprise which made my day. Close to the sailboat harbour in Oakville down by the lake, a special rock collection is growing.

Rocks 3

According to a local person passing by, it all started with a bucket a child left behind. Somebody wrote “bucket list” on that pail, left a marker behind, and people wrote their dreams and thoughts onto rocks and put them into the bucket. When the bucket became too small, people started adding rocks and piling them up around the bucket.

Some rocks hold wishes and intentions sent out to the Universe, others drawings, and the best ones—or so I feel—have quotes or reminders for others written on them.

Rock The Next Chapter

Rock Your Opinion Of Me 1

Rock Be YoruselfHave you lately considered your bucket list or what is really important to you? Make it fun and inspiring. We get so caught up in our lives, so caught up in our hurts and stories. Go check out this rock collection and add your own dreams, thoughts or quotes. Or perhaps you want to start your own rock collection and meditate on what is truly essential for your personal and spiritual growth.

Rock Make Time 2

Angelika
905-286-9466

greendoorrelaxation@yahoo.ca

If you are enjoying my posts you can follow Greendoor to receive an e-mail notification whenever I post a new blog. All you need to do is to click the follow button in the right hand corner of your screen.

Do you truly love, honour and respect yourself?

When I work with clients, as well as in my own work, the inner child comes up a lot. Being in touch with our inner child is a key piece in learning to truly love ourselves, to be comfortable with our feelings and lovingly taking care of our needs. A caring relationship with our inner child is necessary to be vulnerable, to trust others and to have truly intimate relationships.

Inner Child 3

We all have an inner child; a little girl or boy inside. This is our vulnerable and loving self that we are born with. In our society, it is part of the process of growing up that our power selves, like the successful self, the intellectual self, the controlling self, the angry self, the perfectionist self, the pleaser self and so on, protect the inner child from becoming hurt. During this necessary process, the inner child gets buried and we can lose our ability to experience true closeness. If we over-identify with one or more of those power selves, we might find it difficult to be authentic and vulnerable with others, or to let somebody else come close.

Many of us have an inner child, who feels lost, lonely, rejected or abandoned. Sometimes our inner child feels unworthy or full of shame because we only criticize it. If we are in the habit of ignoring our inner child, her or his fears and feelings, or beating up on her with negative self talk and making her feel “not enough”, the inner child might jump into the driver’s seat and drive us into words, actions or behaviours which stem from feeling unlovable. When the inner child feels attacked, threatened or unloved, our angry part, or our manipulate part, or our lying part and so on, step forward to protect the inner child.

When we are aware of that dynamic, we can take care of the inner child, express our feelings and needs calmly and set clear boundaries for the inner child.

Inner Child 12 upset

Sometimes the inner child feels scared or upset and needs us to act in a certain way so that she feels safe.

Inner Child 12 angry

Sometimes she might even show up as angry and feel like we have not protected her well. We have to teach her that from now on we will take better care of her.

We need to bring up a strong parental voice to assure that child like part in us that her/his feelings and needs matter. That we will parent ourselves and love ourselves in the way we parent our own children or take care of others. Inner Child work helps to shift the relationship we have with ourselves to true self-love and living in line with your authentic voice.

I am excited to be able to introduce a completely new CD: Inner Child Meditations. On this CD you will find two different inner child meditations which have been combined with beautiful music.

The first meditation is based on the inner child meditation my good friend Darryl Gurney developed for his Shadow Energetics workshop. This workshop combines shadow work, a belief change process to shift subconscious beliefs, relationship healing, emotional release work, dream interpretations, and – last but not least – inner child work. This first meditation guides you to meet your inner child, talk to her or him, to switch places with your inner child and to hear what you need to hear. It helps you to connect to your true feelings and needs and to address them.

The second meditation allows you to go back in time to different ages and collect and reclaim different parts of yourself at different times. It also guides you to communicate with your future self, and to connect to your future self as your mentor.

TESTIMONIAL:

“I spent last night and this morning listening to the Track 2 of the CD. I was guided to spend a little time under the tree with my little girl. I love the CD your voice is amazing so soothing, comforting and you really make me feel safe and my little girl feels safe too 🙂 I will explore the last track I think in a few days, after a long visit under the tree. I just want to say how much I appreciate you. You always make me feel so safe and that I can share whatever needs to be shared and that a solution is always uncovered. Thank you Thank you Thank you!”

A FEW DAYS LATER:

“I just finished listening to the 3rd track and spent time with my future self: she says hello and thanks you for sending me for a visit. It was very emotional and I shall have to wait awhile for the red eyes to diminish before I go shopping. What a powerful meditation and how much I needed that. I really needed to feel how through my life I have survived and thrived and in this present time nothing will be any different. I am so very grateful that you are in my life, that you have such wonderful gifts and your meditation was like having a great Angelika hug”.

– B., Mississauga

Please contact me for further information about inner child work or the CD.

Angelika

905-286-9466

greendoorrelaxation@yahoo.ca