In families and in relationships, we carry each other’s shadow sides, usually without being aware that this is happening. We are convinced that the other person is what we are not. Meanwhile ALL energy is in all of us, we have just disowned and pushed away a certain part of us. The energy we push away is the one we are uncomfortable with, or afraid of, or have learned is “bad” to be. However, energy has to go somewhere. If I push it away, it might either “go underground” and wait inside of me to take over when I am not paying attention; otherwise, another person takes it on for me.
Children carry our disowned shadow parts beautifully. My children have certainly been great mirrors for myself over the years. A parent might for example be punctual and responsible and the child is always late and seemingly irresponsible. The more the parent harps on the child for being irresponsible because they hate that energy potential in themselves, the more the child will be polarized into it.
This week, I have come across parents who are very neat and have made their daughter and her room the joke for every guest coming for a visit because she is “just so messy”. They have disowned their own sloppiness and the daughter has taken it on. They are so afraid of that energy potential in themselves that they feel the need to clearly distance themselves from it. Outside themselves they can laugh at it and make it clear to anybody who wants to hear it, or not, that their daughter does not take after them. They don’t just rob her from living in a tidier environment by labelling her as “unbelievably messy” and “incapable of being tidy” but they also deny themselves to be more relaxed and to live in the moment.
Many families have a “black sheep”. The Black Sheep is the person who is carrying all the shadow characteristics for the other family members. The Black Sheep has taken on the energy that all the others are pushing away and don’t want. The Black Sheep might be rude and outspoken, or perhaps unreliable and self-centred, or messy and constantly late, or addicted and a “failure”, or perhaps all of the above and more; the list goes on and on. The Black Sheep of the family is the one who displays everything that everybody else judges and suppresses without being aware that all energy is in all of us.
Are you the Black Sheep of your family? Or do you have a Black Sheep in your family? You have the ability to change these dynamics at any time by doing some shadow work to reclaim your disowned selves.
If you want to integrate the parts you have disowned to live more conscious non-judgmental relationships contact me for a free phone consultation.
I know your time is valuable and I appreciate you reading my blog. If you are enjoying my articles, you can subscribe to receive an e-mail notification whenever I post a new blog. All you need to do is to enter your email address in the field on the left side of the bar. Thank you for your support!