Have you ever allowed yourself to be open and vulnerable with somebody only to find that your feelings were met with judgment, ridicule, or another response that made you feel unloved? I have.
It has been a week during which several clients and friends needed to hear from me. “How does your little girl / little boy feel right now? Check in with that child part in you. Bring up that parent part inside and protect her/him.”
Having had the experience myself in the past of not taking good care of my vulnerable inner child and her needs, I can see it clearly in others.
There is the young woman who continues to socialize with friends who are judgmental, self-centred and even cruel because she does not believe she can have friends who are truly loving and caring. There is the man who still reaches out to his ex-partner hoping she will be loving and supportive, just to find over and over again that she has no respect for him and has put him down again.
Why do we act like this? Why do we have such low self-respect at times?
We seem to do so with family members, friends, romantic partners, or people who belong to a group we are part of. We assume that just because of the “role” they play in our lives, they are unconditionally loving and accepting of us.
What has happened when we make that decision?
Instead of love, we are met with other people’s opinions or fears. This experience is all about us loving ourselves and listening to our intuition, to that voice inside that knows exactly who to trust with our vulnerability, and who to hold back with. It is all about believing and knowing deep-down that we deserve unconditional love, appreciation and respect.
Whenever I created the experience for myself of “not feeling safe,” I ignored that inner voice. When I think back, part of me knew exactly that a particular person would respond from his/her own fears and world views rather than being able to be unconditionally loving and accepting.
Ignoring my own wisdom usually had to do with longing for a close relationship with somebody due to this idea of a family or relationship tie, or wanting to belong to a group. The “longing” or “need” overrode the gut feeling. The left brain found reasons why it would be silly not to open up, while the heart had the right answer all along.
Being aware of what to entrust to others and what not to, has nothing to do with not being authentic. I can still be authentic when I choose carefully what to share. In fact, it will help to be more authentic. When we entrust something to someone against our better judgment, we are trying to be somebody we are not. We are trying to please the other person or force a relationship that is just not unfolding naturally.
You can listen to your intuition, and as you do so, your intuition grows stronger and stronger each day. I usually approach the world with an open heart, with love and trust, knowing that I am safe due to inner guidance, the parent part inside me. We need to protect the vulnerable child inside when it is necessary. But at the same time, I allow myself to be vulnerable when it is safe and appropriate, always striving to distinguish one from the other, no matter what “role” a person has in my life. I encourage you to do the same. You can experience that you are always safe because you listen and you trust.