I visited a friend of mine today who has a 20 month old son. My friend, being a spiritual coach, is a very conscious parent. All morning long, I watched her and little Jack interact. I am left in awe not just by what a beautiful and wise little soul Jack is, but also by what beliefs he is learning from his mother.
She puts her own fears and personal agenda aside and is present with him. She is always aware of making sure he feels loved. She responds to his worries or needs before they turn into huge fears. She makes sure he always feels acknowledged and important. She gives him a lot of freedom to try things out. Because of that freedom, he accepts calmly when she has to say no.
Incidentally, on my drive to her house I was listening to one of my favourite songs by Amy Sky, “I will take care of you.”
“… A baby girl’s first cry rang out, a new life had begun.
Her mother rocked her in her arms and she kissed the tiny brow.
She said, ‘Darling, I am just as scared as you but I’ll promise you somehow,
I will take care of you, very best that I can.
Follow the love here in my heart, all of the strength in my hand.
You are every joy I share, for every tear I’ll be there, my whole life through.’”
I have listened to this song many times. But today, I was struck by how symbolic it is for taking care of our inner child.
Did you feel truly taken care of and safe when you were a child? Did you feel important, special and worthy, believing that your needs would be met, when you were little? Most people didn’t. My parent’s motto was, “Children should be seen but not heard.” We learn we are not important and that we do not have the right to have needs. We experience feeling abandoned and develop trust issues. Who can we trust in if we cannot trust those bigger humans that are taking care of us?
Those early childhood experiences leave wounds that come back in all of our relationships when we grow up. We might by now have lost our own parents or become their caretakers. However, in our love relationships, the little girl or boy inside still pops up and fearfully demands their needs while believing he or she does not deserve to be heard, does not deserve to be truly happy.
Our partner cannot be our parent to reassure and love us unconditionally. The only person who can heal those wounds is us. The one person who can be there for us every step of the way, as in Amy Sky’s song, is us. We are the ones to take care of ourselves, love ourselves, respect ourselves and remind ourselves that we are important, just like Jack’s wonderful mother does for him.
By getting in touch with your inner child and by parenting yourself, you are giving yourself the freedom to let go of those old feelings of unworthiness. Unconditional self-love is the foundation for loving others without conditions.
To do Inner Child Work or to clear out your fears and change your beliefs contact me.