Healing in a Safe Space

NEW SHADOW ENERGETICS WORKSHOP with Darryl Gurney

September 20-23 in Kitchener

September 26 -29 in St. Thomas (near London)

November 14-17 in Toronto (Leslie/Queen)

 

In this four minute long you tube video Darryl explains the Shadow Energetics work

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n3kFHOqGsbs

 

I highly recommend this workshop to anyone who is on the path toward self-empowerment. Here is my own experience:

Even though I have been in the mind-body field for ten years and have done lots of inner work on my self one of my relationships was still less than perfect – the one with my father – when my friend Darryl announced his new workshop. I was curious to try out Darryl’s relationship alignment to work on the relationship with my father.

Another male participant stood in for my father as the facilitator muscle tested the seven chakras. All the issues that came up made perfect sense. We worked through each of the chakras that were out of alignment either for me, or for my father. The process was deeply emotional and left me feeling cleansed and vibrating at a high level of heart energy.

Two days later, I called my father. Before I dialed his number, I put myself back into that heart space. I was blown away by how much the energy had changed. The conversation was a completely different one than ever before in my life. It was loving, respectful, supportive and very calm. My father let me speak, instead of interrupting me; he listened and I experienced him as non-judgmental but interested. I felt pure love in my heart, was adapting to his slower pace and delivering my opinion on different topics more softly and calmly. For the first time in my life, he actually listened to my opinion without ridiculing it. I thoroughly enjoyed the entire conversation. Instead of dreading those phone calls, I now look forward to them. We speak twice a week and have long loving conversations full of laughter. He does not trigger me anymore, nor do I trigger him. I can say that the past is truly healed.

We all have people in our lives whom we struggle with. The Shadow Energetics Workshop contains many deeply-touching techniques to become whole and to heal our relationships.

 

greendoorrelaxation@yahoo.ca

905-286-9466

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The Power of the Parental Voice

Last week, I observed a number of different parents interacting with their children. I saw positive and encouraging examples of parenting, but also several devastating ones. It made me contemplate how we talk to our children, and what messages and suggestions we instil in them. Ultimately, this also made me ponder how we talk to ourselves. What is our own inner voice saying? Is that inner voice possibly echoing messages that we received in our childhood which were less than loving or supportive?

 

In one museum, a boy of about eight was standing at the top of an escalator, lost in his own dream world, just looking around. Instead of bringing him gently back to the present and asking him nicely to pay attention to other people who might want to use the escalator, I heard the father bark, “Get out of the way!” followed by, “Why do you never listen to me?”

It was at the tip of my tongue to say, “Because he is trying to tune out your critical voice. If you were more loving, he would listen.”

Not only does this father send the message that the son is in the way of other people but he also implants the suggestion not to listen.

The son learns, “I am not good enough. I am stupid or clumsy. Other people are more important. I am annoying to my father the way I am.”

 

In a restaurant, I overheard a snippet of another conversation. A father was saying to his six-year-old daughter, “No. You are the problem here!”

I have no idea what they were talking about, if the daughter was trying to communicate her needs or opinions. But no matter what it was, the father’s comment shut her up immediately.

What a depressing message to get! The daughter learns, “In my father’s eye, I am a problem. My needs, requests or opinions are nothing more than a nuisance.”

 

On a parking lot, another father was pushing and pulling his three-year-old daughter along, while the mother walked ahead and ignored them both. The little girl was just being a normal three year old, taking her time enjoying the sunny summer’s day. In passing by, I heard the father say impatiently, “How many times do I have to tell you to hurry up? This is a parking lot! Parking lots are dangerous.”

Another child, another devastating message. The little girl learns, “Not only is life not safe for me, but I am also annoying my parent by being myself and enjoying the moment. I am a bother.”

 

One could argue that the parents are just trying to teach their children to have consideration for others, not to blame others and to stay safe. However, all these life messages could have been delivered with love. Instead, they were delivered with impatience, judgment and harshness. The children did not learn anything but that they are not accepted the way they are. They might even conclude that they are unlovable, especially if their caretakers act like this on a regular basis.

 

As we grow up, we still at times have this harsh parental voice in our head, the inner critic that at times is useful and tries to protect us, but most of the time just beats us up mercilessly.

How do you speak to yourself?

What does your inner voice say when you make a so-called mistake, or when you are in a situation that you could interpret as a failure?

Does it still say “You are stupid and not good enough”, or “You are the problem,” or “Pay attention! There is danger lurking just around the next corner”?

 

Just as children need a patient, understanding, compassionate and encouraging parent, you need to bring out that inner parent who sees you with loving eyes. The inner parent can put your inner critic in its place. That loving, caring parental voice believes in you and in your potential. It’s that part of us that helps us to bring the best out in us. If you want to be happy and feel good about yourself there is no way around self-love. If you want to love others, there is no way around self-love.

If you want to succeed and live a happy life, you have to make the choice to separate from your harsh inner critic, stop being a victim to your own inner voice, stand up for your abused inner child and begin to parent yourself differently!

 

For Life or Spiritual Coaching, Belief Change Work through Psych-K®, Forgiveness Work or Inner Child Work contact me

greendoorrelaxation@yahoo.ca

905-286-9466

Do vacations make us happier?

I always assumed there was a correlation between summer and vacation time on the one hand and an increase of happiness on the other. However, after researching this a bit I found out that scientific studies show that there is no correlation. People aren’t happier because they can take time off or go on vacation.

I was puzzled. So I continued searching. What I came across next was a correlation of happiness and spending time with family or close friends. So the level of happiness is not dependent on the fact that I can afford to take time off or even go on vacation but it is dependent on how I feed my soul when I am on vacation. Deep nurturing connections, love, laughter, support, acceptance are a factor in my experience of happiness. Spending time with a partner you love, having fun with your children or people who you feel close to and loved by have the effect to increase your happiness.

Ultimately, happiness cannot be bought with a vacation, happiness can only be found inside us. When we accept and love ourselves and also value and appreciate those close relationships we have in our life we feel happier and healthier.

This is good news because it means we can keep that feeling of happiness throughout the year. It does not have to be summer for us to be happier. All we need to do is focus on the people we love, on our family and friends.

Of course the people close to us also trigger and irritate us. That is their job! They are supposed to help us grow personally and spiritually! They are mirrors for us so we can heal our own issues and wounds.

 

Do you have relationships in your life that you struggle with? Relationships that are less than smooth and loving? Do you find yourself misunderstood, unaccepted or unloved, or are you judging other people? Your partner or your ex-partner? Your children? Your parents or your in-laws?

Relationship Coaching, Forgiveness Work, Inner Child Work, Shadow Work and Psych-K® can all help you to shift your own beliefs, heal your wounds and create loving relationships that bring you happiness and health.

 

Contact me for a free phone consultation

greendoorrealxation@yahoo.ca

905-286-9466

Permission to Shine Your Light

A very special friend of mine went through an incredible transformation over the last 29 months. She had surgery and lost an unbelievable amount of weight. I am very proud of her. However, it makes me even happier to see that she has completely transformed her entire life. She has undergone a huge inner transformation.

She was always very beautiful. Her amazing smile and her sparkling eyes make you stop and look at her. She can make you feel truly seen. She has always had a huge capacity for love, a heart which she keeps wide open. She is one of those people who drop everything to help somebody else.

Like so many of us, she learned as a little girl that her needs don’t matter. And because she was this loving little spirit, she did the next-best thing she could and she began to look after other people’s needs. She learned her needs will never be met, so she decided that she might as well take care of other people’s happiness.

She went through life with this open heart but also a great bit of sadness. The beliefs “I don’t matter” and “I don’t deserve to look after myself” began to manifest in putting on more and more weight over the years. She smiled but inside, she felt lonely. She had abandoned herself by putting all her energy into pleasing others. The little girl inside was crying silently in despair while she carried a brave smile on the outside.

Now her smile is even more beautiful than ever before, because she has learned to love herself. Her smile is full of joy and self-love. Loving yourself comes with saying no and setting boundaries. It comes with not always dropping everything for others. It means not taking responsibility for other people’s happiness but showing them how to find their own happiness. It means shining your own light and giving others permission to do the same.

In spiritual circles, we are so often told that we should love others unconditionally. Yet, the second commandment is, “You shall love your neighbour as yourself.” (NAS, Mark 12:28-31) The step to first love yourself is usually forgotten.

Loving others unconditionally is not possible unless you love yourself unconditionally. Loving yourself means knowing that you deserve that your needs are met. It means approving of you the way you are, instead of changing for others. It means listening to your needs and feelings and addressing them. It means surrounding yourself with people who care about your needs.

Ironically enough, those people who feel we shouldn’t have needs are the same people who are quick to call us selfish when we do stand up and say no to being their doormat. Because we might not be used to expressing our needs, we sometimes wait until we are a worn-down doormat. We wait until the proverbial last drop, and at that point we might become emotional, or demand that our needs be met. The people in our life sense that we do not feel we deserve to have needs. They respond to that energy of not deserving that we send out and therefore judge us for having needs.

However, once we have learned to love ourselves, we stand up right away and say ‘no’ calmly and lovingly, without a dramatic or emotional reaction. We know that we need not explain or defend ourselves. We make sure that we have time for ourselves. We make sure we do not get worn out in service for others. We make sure that we are truly happy and joyful every moment of every day.

Can you truly claim, “The people in my life care about meeting my needs?”

If you cannot say this, take a look at your subconscious beliefs. Do you feel your needs are not important? Do you feel you cannot expect your partner, or other people close to you, to acknowledge and meet your needs? Do you lovingly acknowledge and meet other people’s needs, or is there resentment because you feel you always have to put others first?

As you take care of yourself, of your inner child and her needs, you step into your more authentic self. You are able to live from love rather than a feeling of unworthiness. You can shine your light and be creative, full of joy, and brilliant in all sorts of ways. You can be the true goddess that you are.

 

Psych-K® helps to shift limiting beliefs and Shadow Energetics assists in embracing your light shadow, all those characteristics you admire in others but that you have not had the courage to bring out in yourself, yet.

Greendoorrelaxation@yahoo.ca

905-286-9466   

Pain is Not an Enemy

“Pain is not a mistake. It doesn’t mean that something has ‘gone wrong’ in the universe, that the body-mind is ‘broken’ in any way. It is only a signal, an expression of deep intelligence, a loud and clear call for kind, non-judgemental, present-moment attention. It is an invitation to break from your usual routine and plans and patterns, and meet a sacred moment with fresh and unassuming eyes.  Pain is not an enemy of awakening, but a misunderstood friend.” (Jeff Foster)

Not too long ago, by body shut me down. At the time, I was taking the first steps of getting into a situation that my higher self knew was not good for me. It was one of those situations that feel like our vision is finally manifesting. Logically, the situation seemed to have everything I desired, everything I had ever dreamed of. Yet, there was a part in me that knew that this situation wasn’t what it appeared to be. Consciously, I tried very hard to ignore all those signs that pointed to this being an unhealthy situation but my subconscious, that deeper mind which always protects us, did not let me do that.

Within a few hours I went from being able to move freely to a completely frozen shoulder. I could not move my arm at all; I could not lift it, could not reach up or forward, could not embrace anybody without screaming in pain. Several muscles in my body locked down completely. It took me ten days and all sorts of treatments which did not make a big difference in the levels of pain to finally admit to myself what this pain was all about. The moment I made the clear decision not to get into the situation, the pain subsided immediately.

Each time something like this happens to me or one of my clients or friends, I marvel at the wisdom of our body. My body was being very clear. It literally would not let me embrace the situation that had presented itself to me.

To shift out of your pain, listen attentively and with compassion for yourself to the message. What is the physical or emotional pain telling you? What needs to be changed in your life? Then DO IT. Make the changes necessary, no matter how much you are afraid of them! You will not heal unless you listen to your innate wisdom, to your higher mind that is speaking to you through your body!

After you have made the changes or decisions you need to make, use gentle and alternative methods that will help your body heal itself. During that period of healing, affirm to yourself “I am healed!” See and feel yourself restored to your healthy, essential self. Being sick or in pain was just a moment in time, a snapshot, and it served its purpose. Your true self is healthy and whole.

 

To discover what your body is telling you through your mind, contact me

greendoorrelaxation@yahoo.ca

905-286-9466

 

Being in the Glorious Moment

My friend posted this on Facebook and got 50 Likes for it.  It really hit a cord with people. Why is that?

Why don't we splash in puddles

 

When she later told me the story about splashing in the puddle, I felt anxiety rising in myself as I wondered if I would have jumped into the puddle to end up all covered in wet mud. I never jumped into puddles when my kids were little. What is all that fear about?

Reluctance of jumping into the puddles seems to me to be symbolic for being afraid of life. Nothing terrible is going to happen if we jump into the puddle, yet nonetheless, we do not allow ourselves to be free and truly playful. We do not give ourselves permission to be completely in the moment and enjoy life like children still know how to do.

We complain about the heat, the rain or the snow instead of enjoying being hot or wet or cold. We run inside when it rains instead of realizing how perfect each moment is. It is perfect to feel life with all our senses, to just be right here, right now. Jumping in puddles is a form of meditation, of letting go of everything that is not real—the past that is over, and the future that has not happened yet.

There are so many different ways of being in each glorious moment. Connect with nature, be completely present with somebody, read, write, paint, be creative, sing, dance, feel, meditate… the list is endless and very personal.

What is on your list? How are you going to be in the moment today?

I went home and told my 12 year old that next time it rains I want to jump in the puddles in our backyard. Her reply was, “I am not doing this with you. That’s for 5 year olds!” With sadness, I realized that I have already taught my own children to judge and consider what is “appropriate” instead of what it means to enjoy life.

In what ways are you fearful to fully enjoy life? What beliefs might you have to let go of to be completely immersed in each glorious moment? What holds you back from fully embracing joy and happiness?

greendoorrelaxation@yahoo.ca

905-286-9466

“I Will Take Care of You” – Self Parenting

I visited a friend of mine today who has a 20 month old son. My friend, being a spiritual coach, is a very conscious parent. All morning long, I watched her and little Jack interact. I am left in awe not just by what a beautiful and wise little soul Jack is, but also by what beliefs he is learning from his mother.

She puts her own fears and personal agenda aside and is present with him. She is always aware of making sure he feels loved. She responds to his worries or needs before they turn into huge fears. She makes sure he always feels acknowledged and important. She gives him a lot of freedom to try things out. Because of that freedom, he accepts calmly when she has to say no.

Incidentally, on my drive to her house I was listening to one of my favourite songs by Amy Sky, “I will take care of you.”

“… A baby girl’s first cry rang out, a new life had begun.

Her mother rocked her in her arms and she kissed the tiny brow.

She said, ‘Darling, I am just as scared as you but I’ll promise you somehow,

I will take care of you, very best that I can.

Follow the love here in my heart, all of the strength in my hand.

You are every joy I share, for every tear I’ll be there, my whole life through.’”

I have listened to this song many times. But today, I was struck by how symbolic it is for taking care of our inner child.

 

Did you feel truly taken care of and safe when you were a child? Did you feel important, special and worthy, believing that your needs would be met, when you were little? Most people didn’t. My parent’s motto was, “Children should be seen but not heard.” We learn we are not important and that we do not have the right to have needs. We experience feeling abandoned and develop trust issues. Who can we trust in if we cannot trust those bigger humans that are taking care of us?

Those early childhood experiences leave wounds that come back in all of our relationships when we grow up. We might by now have lost our own parents or become their caretakers. However, in our love relationships, the little girl or boy inside still pops up and fearfully demands their needs while believing he or she does not deserve to be heard, does not deserve to be truly happy.

Our partner cannot be our parent to reassure and love us unconditionally. The only person who can heal those wounds is us. The one person who can be there for us every step of the way, as in Amy Sky’s song, is us. We are the ones to take care of ourselves, love ourselves, respect ourselves and remind ourselves that we are important, just like Jack’s wonderful mother does for him.

By getting in touch with your inner child and by parenting yourself, you are giving yourself the freedom to let go of those old feelings of unworthiness. Unconditional self-love is the foundation for loving others without conditions.

 

To do Inner Child Work or to clear out your fears and change your beliefs contact me.

greendoorrelaxation@yahoo.ca

905-286-9466