Our personality is made up of a group of sub-personalities, which we develop as we grow up to better fit into our environment. These sub-personalities are also called “primary selves” because they determine how we appear to ourselves and others, as well as how we act based on the belief systems that we have learned. Some common selves are the Pleaser, the Rule Maker, the Pusher and the Perfectionist.
The Perfectionist “wants us to look perfect, act perfect, and be perfect in all that we do. It will not tolerate a shoddy job and will drive us to distraction, redoing and redoing everything until it is just right. Nothing is less important than anything else” (Hal & Sidra Stone, Embracing Your Inner Critic, 17).
Our Inner Critic, another sub-personality, finds the imperfections and criticizes us harshly for failing no matter how unrealistic or inappropriate perfection might be in a given situation. The Perfectionist sets such high standards that everything must be perfect, there are no priorities.
There is nothing wrong with having standards, wanting to produce a certain quality of work for example. We all choose to do some things perfectly. However, we should have a choice in every given moment whether we want to strive for something close to perfection, or not. If the Inner Critic beats us up on a regular basis because we are not always perfect, and nothing is ever good enough, the Perfectionist part has become a problem.
It is easy to see how the Perfectionist in us can really make us suffer. We become workaholics, give ourselves ulcers, and are not able to enjoy anything that shows up in our life. We block our creative flow, worrying about our music, writing, acting, painting, etc having to be perfect. Or worst of all, we do not even attempt to follow our dreams and desires because we are afraid that we cannot be perfect, or that a situation is not perfect enough to get into.
“Don’t be afraid it won’t be perfect. The only thing to be afraid of, really, is that it won’t be” (“Company,” Stephen Sondheim).
In order to step out of our comfort zone and to dare doing something different, all we need to do is change our thinking and our subconscious beliefs those thoughts are based on.
Some common beliefs I help people balance to step out of the perception of being judged by others and to realize that they are perfect already are the following:
- I care less and less every day what other people think of me.
- I do my best and my best is always good enough.
- I am perfect the way I am.
“Perfection is a state of being—not a state of doing!” (Jonathan Zenz, Centre of Spiritual Living, Toronto)
When we really embrace that what we are as human beings is perfectly imperfect, we open our life up to new possibilities. We can allow ourselves to go with the flow, be creative without fear, and reach for the stars, as we are perfect enough to experience a perfectly divine life. From that perception, everything you experience is perfect; everything that shows up in your life is perfect for you.
Do you suffer from perfectionism? Do you have dreams you are sitting on because you are afraid they won’t be perfectly expressed?
We can reprogram your limiting beliefs and balance out the perfectionist part of your personality. Contact me for more information.