When you open up to the idea that other people mirror issues for you, you are moving from blaming others to recognizing that they provide a learning experience for us.
Does your partner sometimes annoy you, or your sibling, parent, or parent-in-law? Does your child trigger you? Why is that happening?
“She/he does not respect me!”
Let’s turn this around, and let’s see if it is as accurate to say. “I don’t respect myself” and “I don’t respect her/him.” This relationship might represent a lesson about self-respect and respect in general for us.
“My husband is too laid back. He is lazy.”
Do you ever allow yourself to be “lazy,” to relax and take breaks? Or are you driven to consistently perform, and always have everything perfect and under control? He could be teaching you how to let go more, relax and enjoy your life.
“My four-year-old is so clingy and needy. She constantly needs attention.”
What is the four-year-old mirroring for you? Is she perhaps feeling your guilt about not being a good mother or that you do not enjoy being with her because you feel weighed down by work and life in general? Does this clinginess annoy you so much because you perceive being needy and sensitive as a “fault” you have yourself? Did your own parents try to “fix” you instead of accepting you the way you were? Your child might be mirroring to you that you need first to accept yourself the way you are and then your child. She or he is perfect exactly as they are. When you shift from perceiving her as needing to be fixed to loving and truly accepting her, she will no longer need to be clingy.
And what about the sulky, rebellious teenager?
Is she mirroring to you that you expect teenagers to be that way? Is she showing you your shadow sides, the characteristics you don’t like about yourself and have suppressed? Is she yelling because she senses that you are not comfortable being the boss? Does she feel it is the only way you will listen? What is she mirroring for you about your own issues, doubts and fears?
We could ask many more questions, as each relationship is unique. The bottom line of all these questions is that there is a reason why that challenge exists, and the mirror people show us is an opportunity to work on ourselves and to grow.
Coaching, and specifically shadow work include tools that can help you to embrace the opportunity and work on yourself to shift any relationship to a better place. Contact me for a free consultation.