When we first become parents, raising children does not come with a manual or a class. Many of us unconsciously fall into the same parenting fears our own parents had.
We might worry our child is not smart enough to make it out there in the big world, or that he or she is too sensitive or too quiet and shy or even too confident and cocky. This list goes on. We try to give them what we feel they are lacking, making extra sure they get everything they need.
What we forget is that we see in them what we deny in ourselves, or on some level fear that we are. They show us our shadow. How often do I hear parents say “my daughter is like my husband” or, “my son is like me.” If we really felt we were perfect and complete, deserving and worthy, this would be a good sentence. However, as we are our own harshest critics, this is most of the time not a good view of our children.
With my first child, I fell into the same fears I was raised with, into the perception of lack. Just like my mother, I had a hard time trusting from the first day on that my daughter is perfect the way she was born and has everything she needs to live a fulfilling life of personal and spiritual growth.
It took me quite a few years to understand that parenting from fear means not truly parenting from love and trust. Fear eats away on joy, robs us of our connection with the Divine; fear breeds the inner critic and perfectionist who is hard to get rid of once it has made itself comfortable in our head.
Here is another lovely story of a little soul just wanting to be accepted. When the due-date arrived, the first shock that the mother had was that her baby was breech and would be born with a Caesarean. The second surprise was that the baby turned out to be a girl even though the parents had been told she was a boy. In their culture a boy was valued higher than a girl but this little soul had extraordinary parents who quickly embraced her sex and loved her deeply.
Yet, the learning for mother and daughter continues as the daughter becomes older and turns out to have a strong personality. She is smart and able to look through things. She questions people and their intentions or words. She isn’t manipulated easily. She knows what she wants.
The mother is concerned at times that she is too confident, not respectful enough, and going to have trouble later on in their culture, which still expects women to take the backseat. The daughter mirrors for the mother all those characteristics that she has as well but never allowed herself to show.
With Psych-K, we balanced acceptance on both sides. The mother balanced that she accepts her daughter exactly the way she is. Then the mother surrogated for the daughter to make sure her daughter feels completely loved and accepted as the person she is. The little girl needed to feel that she is safe and secure in her core family so that she is able to face the extended family still favouring boys over girls.
Her parents are going to be the first generation that can and will step out of this circle of fear that children need to be “fixed” to become a good little girl or a tough little boy. This wonderful soul picked this scenario for herself to overcome challenges. She picked parents who will parent from love, not fear. They are able to just let her be. I am looking forward to seeing her grow up to be an amazing woman living between two cultures and embracing the best of both.
If you are interested to do relationship work and shift your subconscious beliefs with Psych-K to be the best parent you can possibly be please contact me for a free phone consultation