Infertility – Issues, Fears and Emotions That Prevent Conception

Diane and Paul have been wanting to conceive for eight years. After trying to conceive naturally, they have done two rounds of IUI (Intra Uterine Insemination) and two rounds of IVF (In Vitro Fertilization) without success.

“I am a go-getter, a type A personality”, says Diane. “I am good at managing and I like things to be “just so”. Paul sometimes thinks I am too controlling and rigid. But I have achieved a lot in my life. I had athletic accomplishments, I have a masters degree and a very successful career. I have my diet under control. I eat very healthy, I barely drink, and I work out. I do everything to achieve this goal but the one thing I keep failing at is becoming a mother.”

What Diane says in her intake session is fairly typical for women who struggle with fertility issues. We are so used to being able to control everything, to plan our entire future, set our goals and then work hard at reaching them, that we expect it will be the same with conception, pregnancy and birth.

As Lynsi Eastburn, author of “It’s Conceivable!” and “The 3 Keys to Conception” and one of my mentors and teachers, likes to point out, “you can not left-brain a baby.” Conception is one of those areas that are exactly the opposite of doing. It is all about letting go of control, surrendering and allowing.

So if our main personality parts, like in Diane’s case, are a Driver/Pusher, a Perfectionist and a Rational/Analytical Self, it is going to be harder to let go and to relax. If you come to see me, we will work on achieving more separation from those parts. We want them to “step back” and to allow you to relax into this experience of conception and birth happening in its own time and its own way.

It is easy to see how stress at work or in our family would cause overwhelm, tiredness and anxiety, and how that can affect our fertility. Having personality parts that push us to be perfect at work and in our relationships causes us to override feelings of exhaustion, anxiety and overwhelm. That contributes greatly to stress and therefore to infertility.

However, conception goes beyond “stress”. Infertility is not simply a biological process of a tired body but it is a more complicated culmination of our deeper mind and body working together.

In his book “The Body-Mind Fertility Connection” James Schwartz documents studies that indicate that psychological and emotional blocks appear to be the root of many fertility issues. I have sited some of those scientific studies on this website. To read more click here. 

“For many women, the process of healing the emotional issues that are blocking pregnancy is a key component in unlocking fertility and opening the door to conception. The body and mind work as a synchronistic team.” (James Schwartz, The Body-Mind Fertility Connection)

When it comes to the very painful experience of infertility, we have to remember that our subconscious is always trying to protect us, not trying to hinder us and prevent us from reaching our goals. Our deeper mind is operating on the fears and beliefs which exist in the inner system. Here are some examples of what that can be:

– Feeling stressed or overwhelmed with life

For example, feeling overburdened with work, family or other situations. Our subconscious will respond to that by not allowing us to take on another burden (having a child)

– Fears around pregnancy or birth

For example, fears of doctors, hospitals, medical treatments, labour, giving birth, or our body changing

– Fears around parenthood

For example, beliefs that we or our partner won’t be a good parent; the idea that parenthood means a lot of sacrifice and a loss of independence; worries around balancing parenthood and career

– Fears around the marriage/relationship

For example, worries about the longevity of the relationship with our partner, or about the changes in the relationship, or about a lack of resilience due to the new challenges as parents

– Guilt and limiting beliefs around deserving

For example, due to an abortion in the past, or not having been a perfect parent to other children, or in regards to sexual abuse, rape or other traumas

– Fears of loss

For example, due to past miscarriages or stillbirths

– Rejection of physical functions

For example, beliefs that the female period is disgusting, that sex is dirty, or that giving birth is awful and messy

– Fears based on other people’s experiences

For example, our mother/sister/aunt etc. had difficulty conceiving or had challenging pregnancies/births, therefore we expect the same experiences

– Other limiting belief

For example, in regards to our age, “old eggs”, general health, body image issues etc.

If you read the points above, you might recognize some concerns, or you might consciously feel that there are no problems. However, subconsciously, certain programs might be running based on past experiences and learned beliefs which are stored deep in your mind, often completely without conscious awareness. Our subconscious mind can work for us. It can also work against us, if it is trying to protect us in a way that causes us to experience blocks like infertility.

“…the subconscious mind holds our habits, beliefs, behavioural patterns, anxieties, and fears that we have been accumulating since birth. Then, as adults, when we experience emotions like anxiety, sadness, fear, or anger, we are responding to the cumulative effect of the information and programming that has collected throughout our entire lifetime.” (James Schwartz, The Body-Mind Fertility Connection)

Conflicts, unresolved issues, fears and limiting beliefs send a message to the body at a cellular level. The very diagnosis of “unexplained infertility” means that the presenting infertility is psychosomatic.

Fortunately, any and all of those emotions and fears mentioned above can be healed. As the emotions, fears and issues are processed, conception rates increase dramatically.

To clear out limiting beliefs and fears that keep you from getting pregnant, and to shift into surrendering and allowing rather than trying to control the process of conceiving, I use hypnosis and belief change techniques like PSYCH-K®. The first session is 3 hours long due to an intensive intake, subsequent sessions are between 2 and 2 ½ hours.

For a free phone consultation or to book an appointment, please contact me

Angelika

905-286-9466

greendoorrelaxation@yahoo.ca

If you would like to do regular meditations to destress or use exercises to improve the relationship with your partner go to

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The 3 Keys to Conception

For the last four years, I have been incredibly blessed to help couples with fertility issues. We clear out their subconscious fears: their emotional or mental blocks to conceiving a baby. It is a work that is especially close to my heart.

Many years ago I was in the same place, convinced my deepest wish would never come true, devastated by the suggestions of medical doctors, feeling like I had failed myself and my husband. I am a walking example that by shifting your energy, clearing out your issues and by letting go, your dreams manifest.

I have been asked by other practitioners if I see a common element with my fertility clients. Yes, I do. Most women who struggle with “unexplained infertility” are type A personalities. I always have to smile, because I used to fit that category as well. They are perfectionists, they are super reliable, they are workaholics, they strive to be in control, and they like to have things “just so”.

Sound familiar?

Conception is the one thing we cannot “will” to happen. It is about exactly the opposite of making things happen. Conceiving a baby is about surrendering, about letting things happen, about not being in control. Being pregnant is going with the flow. Being a parent means being flexible and letting go of needing things to always be “just so”. Nobody can turn our life more upside-down than a child.

Type A personalities know how to “do” things. However, you cannot “right brain” your child into existence. Receptiveness is the opposite of doing. It is about being. It’s about letting go, about shifting your perception of the world around you, about giving yourself permission to just be in every moment. The Latin verb “esse” means “to be”. Being is about connecting with your own essence.

The point is not to turn a type A personality into a type B personality but to bring things more into balance for a type A. Hypnosis, meditation or other techniques of going into the silence inside are all about surrendering to the energy of being. That shift in energy coupled with releasing fears and blocks to conception bring the woman into the right alignment to receive the spirit baby that is waiting for her.

Surrendering happens as we follow our heart, our path and our intuition. Lynsi Eastburn, who has been dubbed the “Baby Whisperer” for her decade-long successful work in the field of hypnosis for fertility and who was my teacher in 2009, names three keys to conception in her newest book:

1. Meditate

Meditation and hypnosis both take you into the silence inside. They allow you to quiet your mind, centre yourself, release your fears and limiting beliefs and feel connected again.

2. Listen

Meditation and the hypnotic state help to develop your intuition. As you are spending regular time in the field of intention, connected to something greater than your physical self, you are able to listen to messages from a deeper or higher mind. The wisdom is right there to be accessed. All you need to do is listen.

3. Trust

Connecting and listening need to go hand-in-hand with trust. Trust the guidance you receive, trust your own innate wisdom. Surrender to the knowing that your baby is coming to you in the right way and in the right time.

 

Lynsi Eastburn’s book “The 3 Keys to Conception”

is available through Mary Wileichuk at the

Akasha’s Den

312 Lakeshore Road East

Oakville

Tel. (905) 844-5055

or directly through me

 

For Fertility Work contact me for a consultation

greendoorrelaxation@yahoo.ca

905-286-9466