Going With the Flow

“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes.

Don’t resist them – that only creates sorrow.

Let reality be reality.

Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.”


What I especially like about this quote is the reminder to let reality be reality. How often do we ignore the reality we do not like or which nudges us to take action? We resist listening to what presents itself and hold on to the status quo. But what does it mean to go with the flow of things?

“Go with the flow” has become a very popular phrase. It means a state of nonresistance which encourages you to flow with life as if you are flowing on a river. “Go with the flow” is such a simple short and sweet statement. However, there are some pitfalls in this mantra.

Like many “spiritual” principles, the idea contains an apparent contradiction. Because of this, we might interpret the principle as “let life happen without using your will power.” It is quite easy to see “go with a flow” as a call to inactivity, inaction or laziness, waiting for things to fall into your lap, making the choice not to make a choice. When we don’t make a choice, another person makes it for us, or the situation becomes so unbearable that the decision is forced upon us. Inactivity is not what this spiritual principle means.

It is often quite easy to trick the mind into confusing going with the flow with maintaining the status quo of things, because our subconscious mind likes a sense of equilibrium. It prefers experiences that are familiar, pleasant and comfortable. When its sense of equilibrium is threatened, we unconsciously might choose to stay with what is familiar even if a part of us knows it’s not good for us.

That applies each time you are confronted with a situation or a person’s actions that are not acceptable but you are hesitating to take action. An example would be if you are dealing with somebody who is being passive-aggressive: someone is making rude, disrespectful or hurtful comments about you and disguising it as humor. “Oh, I am just kidding. Have a sense of humour!” Your sense of equilibrium may tell you to be silent about it instead of risking a fight. You may feel some physical response, perhaps some tension in the body, in your solar plexus or in your throat chakra, that prevents you from claiming your power and speaking up, speaking your truth.

But your body is actually telling you that you are not really going with the flow but that you are avoiding to unsettle the status quo. If we want to stay happy, healthy and, most importantly, true to ourselves, we need to listen to our intuition. If you listen to your intuition and speak up calmly and assertively to this person, your body gives you the feedback that you are on the right path. Your throat chakra clears up or your solar plexus settles down. You notice a sudden freedom, a greater “flow” and an increased ability to embrace life’s experiences as life unfolds.

You might have thought that going with the flow was about accepting the inappropriate comments or behaviour, just ignoring reality. But after exercising your assertiveness, you realize that acceptance means accepting the experience and letting go of the hurt, but not of the lesson this person has taught you. It is about following the call to action that the comments were inviting. You truly went with the flow. This person’s job was to teach you something about self-respect. You might even want to thank them (or the Universe) for the lesson.

Meditation can help us learn to go with the flow.  It gives us the clarity to see why certain doors or paths have been closed for us. That usually happens when we are not supposed to be in a certain place, be that a particular job or certain relationship, when we are meant to be somewhere different. It shows us new doors to knock on or doors that have already started to open for us. It also helps us understand where our fear of change has tricked us into believing it is best to “keep the peace”, keep the status quo of a situation, even if we sacrifice being authentic and happy. It helps us decide how to move forward, go with the flow to get to where we really want to go, be who we really want to be.

Join me for this meditation below to contemplate where in your life you can go more with the flow. You might also want to check out other free 10-15 minute long meditations.


Making Mistakes

On Saturday, I was out to run a quick errand. The white Honda in front of me had slowly crept down the street at 40km/h. Now it was turning right, and so was I. The lane was clear to turn. The Honda started turning and then abruptly stopped. I hit his rear bumper. A gentle bump but still my front license plate scratched his bumper, making repairs necessary. It was my fault for hitting him.

On Tuesday, I got out of my late morning session with a client and found a text and a voice mail from one of my favourite clients who always has a long drive getting to Mississauga. Her text said, “I am here for my appointment, rang doorbell, no answer”. I pulled up the last email I sent to her. It clearly said, “Next appointment, Tuesday, July 4 at 10:00 a.m.”. Yet, I had entered her appointment into my calendar for Wednesday. I screwed up.

I had a week of quite a few things escaping my attention, a week of “screwing up” if you so like. A few important emails also slipped my mind and an important anniversary. A mistake, screw up or failure like the ones I experienced this week is exactly what brings a particular part inside of us to the forefront: our Inner Critic loves to use any mistake or situation of fault as an opportunity to blame and criticize us harshly.

I have been asked in the past, what is the most common limiting belief? As much as we are all individuals and have very individual beliefs which hold us back in life, I would say that the most common beliefs are the ones which make us feel not good enough. At the top of the list is the belief that it is not okay to make mistakes. We learn this early on and our school system often manifests this belief. Our Inner Critic loves to “pounce” on us and really beat us up for past decisions we regret or more recent mistakes that we feel we have made.

mistakes - movie clapper.jpg

What if we could instead see a mistake just as a “missed take”, like in the movies? In most cases, we get another chance for a “Take Two” or even a “Take Three” in life. And in those case where we don’t get another opportunity we really need to let ourselves off the hook, heal the past and forgive ourselves in the process. Any choice we have made in the past was made with the knowledge and wisdom we had at the time. From a place of greater knowledge, we might have made a different decision, yet, we need to be compassionate with that younger self that did not know what we know today.

We are part of the human race, and as humans we don’t always make the strongest choices. We all mess up, miss opportunities or make decisions we regret in retrospect. In fact, we can even take it a step further. It is not “making mistakes” that is often the problem but “not making mistakes”. “If you do not make enough mistakes, that’s evidence that you are not taking enough risks, that you are not growing, that you stay in the comfort of your own safety zone” (Rachel Naomi Remen). Making a mistake can be one of the best things which happen to us because it gives us a feedback. The discomfort we feel when we have made a mistake means that we are more likely to remember what we have learned—unless we allow fear to drive our future choices.

Fear combined with the expectation that the same mistake, rejection or loss will occur again increase the likelihood that we are co-creating that same situation of failure or loss once again. We need to acknowledge the fear and face it. How can we learn from the past without allowing fear to take over our present and future?

What keeps us stuck in a feeling of “unworthiness”, of “being a failure”, is not the mistake but the lack of self-forgiveness and self-compassion. The feeling of “not being good enough” has its foundation in shame. It prevents us from going out and trying again, whether that is going to take another professional risk or healing our losses or relationships. Shame vibrates at a very low level. According to David Hawkins’ scale of consciousness, it’s one of the lowest possible vibrations.

Hawkins Map-of-consciousness

The only way out of that swamp of shame and fear is through self-love and self-acceptance. “There is this place that we all have deep inside us that is untouched by trauma and shame.” (Mark Nepo) There is a deep wisdom inside of us. Our essential self knows that we are perfect and whole, that we are love and light. In meditation or hypnosis, we can experience that place of deep and profound love-ability.

Once we have experienced this, it is easier for us to change our narrative about ourselves. We can change our story from “I am flawed. I am not good enough” to a different inner narrative of “I am human. I make mistakes. And I learned from my past mistakes”. As we change our story, we do not just change our perspective, but we literally change our brain. When we change our story, we change our life.

Often we feel stuck, when we are at a point in our life when our story needs to change. We always have the choice between a victim story or an empowering story. We have the choice to bring up a loving supportive parent voice as opposed to the judgmental voice of our Inner Critic. You are after all not your Inner Critic; that voice is just a part inside of you. Separate from it. We all have the capacity to personify and create a visual image of this part in us. You can even give it a name. Pick a name that is a bit ridiculous to make the separation even clearer and easier.

We want to be able to identify the voice of the Inner Critic. We could communicate with it. Like all parts, it has a purpose. The Inner Critic sees its job in keeping us safe from outside criticism and rejection. You can thank your Inner Critic for how it’s been attempting to help you. You can even find out what that part fears for you. Let it know you appreciate it is trying to protect you from embarrassment.

inner child - little girl

The second step is to bring up a loving parental voice and to connect with our vulnerable inner child that needs to hear and feel support and compassion. If you find it challenging to tell an empowering and self-compassionate story in a given situation, imagine the story someone who loves you tells about you, different from the story you tell yourself. Or imagine what you would say to a friend or a child in a similar situation. The Inner Critic talks to us in a way we would never dream of talking to somebody else, especially not a child. When we speak to others, we know exactly what words are encouraging, uplifting and motivating to do better next time.

Here is an exercise you can do to practice separating from your Inner Critic. Think about a choice you regret, or a moment in which you felt a sense of failure or shame. Imagine sharing this moment with a wise and loving friend. What would that friend say to you? They would most likely first of all show compassion and say something along the lines of “that sounds so difficult” or “I am sorry you had to experience this”. The second thing they might do is empathize and respond with something like, “I know how you feel. We have all experienced something similar.” The third thing they might do is remind you how lovable and amazing you are. They might encourage you not to give up but to try again. You can even write a letter to yourself pretending to be this compassionate, wise and unconditionally loving friend.

Compassion is not so much a trait but an action. I recently came across another interesting suggestion to increase our awareness of being compassionate. Get a pretty glass jar. For each time that you are compassionate with yourself (or others) you place a beautiful stone or colourful marble in the jar. The accumulation of crystals, stones or marbles becomes visual evidence for how compassionate you can be with yourself. When you do something self-critical, you can look at the jar and remember that those compassionate acts are not taken away and that the glass is just waiting for the next colourful token.

Glass Jar 2.JPG

If you are enjoying my articles, you can follow Greendoor to receive an e-mail notification whenever I post a new blog. All you need to do is to click the “follow” button in the right-hand corner of your screen.

Angelika, Belief Change Coach & Relationship Coach

905-286-9466, greendoorrelaxation@yahoo.ca

Do not ask me not to feel!

Last week, I had the pleasure of seeing one of my daughters on stage as Marianne Dashwood in the play “Sense and Sensibility”, based on Jane Austin’s novel. It was an amazing performance, drawing you in with laughter and tears, and transporting you back to England in 1792.

The confining atmosphere of society gossip and the desperation of many of the female characters to need to make a good match leaves you with an eerie feeling. The necessity of marrying well is one of the central themes of the story. In Austen’s era, a woman’s survival depended on her ability to acquire a husband, if possible, an affluent one. The more manipulative and cunning women were often the ones who ended up winning this game for the wealthy spouses. Yet, the two main female characters, Elinor and Marianne, end up finding true love and happiness without manipulation.

Sense and Sensibility, sisters and beaus

Performance and photography by Cawthra Park Secondary School

I could muse on the Universal theme of being rejected in love, or the patriarchal society and how patriarchal beliefs still affect us at a subconscious level today. However, what fascinates me most is the relationship of the two eldest Dashwood sisters. In the development of the story, the friendships of the sisters and what they learn from each other is at least as important as their relationships with their love interests.

Elinor and Marianne Dashwood are complete opposites. Every female reader or audience member can identify with either the older one or the younger one. They are a perfect example for how siblings carry each others shadow traits. Elinor is all “sense” and reason, while Marianne represents “sensibility” and feelings. Elinor makes cautious decisions based on rational considerations, on what is prudent and proper, while Marianne lives life impulsively and on an emotional roller coaster of extreme highs and lows, being guided by her feelings alone.

Sense and Sensibility, Elinor

Neither one of them is “whole”, as they have disowned the opposite energy represented by their sister. Just as Marianne needs to learn to adopt some of Elinor’s restraint and not to wear all her feelings on her sleeve, Elinor can learn to express her deeper emotions, warmth and spontaneity more.

We all have different primary personality parts and other more disowned parts or sub-personalities. As we witness Marianne’s impulsiveness which throws all caution or restraint to the wind, we recognize that part in all of us. We might anticipate and fear disaster for her as the story unfolds. We feel disappointment and sorrow when her love relationship with John Willoughby does not unfold as she anticipated.

Sense and Sensibility, Marianne

Marianne’s sorrow is frightening to Elinor, who just wants her sister to stop sobbing and to compose herself. But Marianne cannot help but live life from her primary self of passion. She exclaims, “Leave me, hate me, forget me, but do not ask me not to feel!” After almost dying from a serious fever and her “broken heart”, Marianne eventually learns to appreciate the value of a quieter and less glamorous admirer in the older Colonel Brandon. She begins to embrace the more level-headed energy which Elinor has been mirroring for her. She also has to forgive John Willoughby for breaking her heart and let go of the past to move forward with the Colonel, the better man.

Sense and Sensibility, Marianne sick

The story invites us to examine where in our lives we are out of balance between our rational and emotional sides, between caution and impulsiveness, between wearing a mask of civility and being our spontaneous and honest self. The plot calls us to consider how we show up in our relationships: passive or active, reluctant or forward-moving, polite or authentic. We are also encouraged to examine if we are stuck in the past and if we need to forgive somebody and let go, in order to move forward in our relationships.

We all grow up identifying with certain traits or parts in us and rejecting others. Jane Austin’s tale invites us to discover what we have disowned which might be useful to us. Accepting the ambivalence and moving beyond dualistic thinking of right and wrong, black and white, involves re-conceptualizing who we think we are and opening up to greater wholeness of our deeper selves.

What traits do you identify with and which opposite traits or shadows have you perhaps disowned? Do you feel judgment towards people who display what you have rejected for yourself? How does this affect you in your life or hold you back in your relationships?

Shadow work is one of the techniques I use as a Life Coach. If you are curious to find out more, contact me for a FREE phone consultation.

Angelika, 905-286-9466, greendoorrelaxation@yahoo.ca

You can also check the “Upcoming Workshops” schedule for the next four-day Shadow Energetics training or contact me for individual sessions.

If you are enjoying my articles, you can follow Greendoor to receive an e-mail notification whenever I post a new blog. All you need to do is to click the “follow” button in the right-hand corner of your screen.

Just Let It Be – Easy Meditation Mantras

There are many different forms of meditations. There are silent meditations, chanting meditations, guided meditations using imagery, and many other traditions of meditation. When we are in a deep meditation—similar to when we go into a hypnotic state—we lose track of time. We experience a wonderful right brain state of “connectedness” with all there is.

We usually make getting into a meditative state more complicated than it needs to be. As mentioned in my blog “I Just Can’t Meditate”, meditation means bringing and keeping your attention on what is right now in this very moment in time, letting past and future go, being present with whatever shows up, being mindful.

We live in a fast paced world. Everybody and everything around us is always “go, go, go”. In order to fit in and to survive in this reality, we adapt to the fast pace. Slowing down in this time of constant doing and rushing can seem like an enormous task of mindfulness. How can we outwardly move with everybody else, and inwardly find this place of stillness, a slower pace?

Mantras can be very helpful when meditating. Close your eyes and become aware of your breathing. Allow each breath to be full, deep and complete. Make sure your belly rises on each inhale and falls on each exhale. When we are anxious we take very shallow breaths. Just shifting to deep belly breathing is like pushing a relaxation button.

When you have taken a few deep belly breaths, begin to say silently to yourself with each inhale “I slow down”. On each exhale think “I let go”. And become a non-judgmental observer. Notice—without judgment—what or where you are holding on to.

Sometimes we have resistance to letting things go, or we don’t know how to let go. Continue to say “I slow down” on your in-breath and experiment with “I release. It doesn’t matter anymore” on your exhale. Notice how the second mantra feels in your body.

I release

One way of letting go is to let things be. What if we stopped trying to make things different? Or what if we stopped wishing things were different? What if we just accepted them as neither good nor bad, neither right nor wrong, but just as they are?

Continue to say “I slow down” as you breathe in and say to yourself “I let it be” on your exhale. Notice how it feels in your body to let things be.

I let it be

Letting it be is the ability and willingness to see a situation for what it is, without judgements. Having the willingness to see what really is, increases our ability to respond, our response-ability. And we can then take action steps from a place of calm and love, rather than from a place of resistance and upset.

Most of us have a longing to go home, to be relaxed, at peace, to feel absolutely loved. Another very effective meditation mantra is “I am arriving” on your inhale, “I am home” on your exhale. Focus on your heart as you use this mantra and allow yourself to feel at home in your heart, supported, protected and loved by Mother Earth and the Universe.

I am home

If you enjoy my posts, you can follow Greendoor to receive an e-mail notification whenever I post a new blog. All you need to do is to click the “follow” button in the right-hand corner of your screen.

Unity Consciousness

If you leave a print of your five fingers on a glass or a mirror, you see five separate dots. On the level of the glass, your fingers appear to be completely unattached to each other. However, on the higher level of our three-dimensional perception, we can see that all five fingers are connected to the same hand

Hand on Glass 1

That we are all separate and alone and that we have to fend for ourselves is a huge illusion. Just in the same way those five dots were made by one hand, we are all connected and part of the same living system. We breathe, live and thrive as one. If we hurt part of the system, we are hurting ourselves.

“Feelings of separation that result from the feared inability to love or to be loved frequently bring illness into our lives. Illness is often a cry for help, a call for love and a deeper sense of connectedness in one’s life.” (Leonard Laskow)

The mentality of “me/us versus them” is the root of fear, anger, violence and disease. The feeling of separation, of being alone, unsupported and unloved breeds Illness. It has been scientifically proven that frustration, anger and fear weaken our immune system. If you are angry at somebody, you are energetically hooked to that person, giving your power away and allowing your emotional, mental and physical wellness to be compromised. You might as well be drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.

“When the illusion of separation dissolves at a spiritual level, love allows us a state of oneness that harmonizes even the seemingly dissonant patterns of illness and injury.” (Leonard Laskow)

If we do our own physical, mental and emotional work, including forgiving and letting the past go, we can heal anything. An important part of that healing is to develop our loveability, our ability to love ourselves and others. When we exchange the “I” in I-llness with a “We”, the result is We-llness; wellness for all. Love is the impulse towards unity. Through Love and connectedness, we can heal and become whole again. We can experience our oneness, our universal relatedness.

That Healing Love is not a romantic love; it is far beyond that experience. It is an unconditional, all-accepting love for everybody. It is a love free of judgments, without expectations or conditions. It is a love which does not need to be earned or learned, it just needs to be stepped into, expressed and received. When we tap into true heart-centredness, into loving ourselves and others, we establish a link between us and everybody else. Fear completely dissipates.


I am extremely grateful to have wonderful friends and amazing fellow practitioners whose goal it is to raise the awareness for our oneness and to foster the unity consciousness. Matt Scherb of Possibility Omega s one of them. He has initiated a huge project to make the Golden Horseshoe one of the healthiest communities on earth.

Two other amazing friends are Lisbeth and Ed Fregonese who organize a fabulous Expo for heart-centred practitioners and vendors in the Burlington/Hamilton area every spring and fall.

BWWE March 2014 Morning Event

Our next Expo is on May 31 and features Hay House author Dr. Steven Farmer as our key note speaker. Dr. Farmer also offers workshops in the week following the Expo. For more information on the additional workshops go to Stephen Farmer’s website www.earthmagic.net or contact his Ontario sponsor Beth McBlain 416-580-7434, beth.mcblain@gmail.com

Stephen Farmer 2

If you are free on May 31, come out to the Holiday Inn in Burlington to join the morning speakers (limited seating, you need to register) and to meet approximately 110 practitioners and vendors who are sampling their services or products for free until 6:00 p.m. that day. Nobody else offers such an opportunity for this price. The tickets are only $25 in advance ($30 plus HST at the door) and you can buy them from me or any other practitioner who takes part in this event.

BWWE March 2014 Table

I have some paper tickets available. Contact me by phone or e-mail to purchase a ticket or click here to follow the steps on my website to purchase tickets online.

Angelika Baum



 If you are enjoying my posts, you can follow Greendoor to receive an e-mail notification whenever I post a new blog. All you need to do is to click the follow button in the right hand corner of your screen.

Happiness Formula

Around this time of the year, when we are doing our taxes, we might find ourselves re-assessing our charitable donations for the previous year. We might ask if we want to continue donating to the charities or organizations that we have donated to so far; are they still close to our heart, or do we want to re-direct that money and donate our time and/or money somewhere else?

Why is it an important question to ask? Because giving to others is an essential part of our own health and happiness. And the more we believe in a charitable cause and truly give from our heart, the more that heart energy circles back to us. By helping where we can, we acknowledge that we are all connected and inter-dependant. It is an opportunity for us to make a difference. Our voluntary choices, which include making the choice to give to others, make up 40% of our experience of being at peace with our life or of what we also refer to as happiness.

The Chopra Well Launch Event

Deepak Chopra talks about a formula for happiness which scientists have found. This formula for Happiness is

H = S + C + V

Happiness = the Set Point in the Brain + the Conditions of Living + our Voluntary Choices

The Set Point in the Brain is the happiness we received in our genes, what we experienced in uterus and in the first three years of our life. That “ability” for happiness makes about 50% of our feeling of happiness. This sounds terrible given that most of us had experiences as young children with parents or other care givers who weren’t really happy themselves. However, the good news is, the set point in the brain can be rewired, changed with belief work, with cognitive therapy (questioning our thoughts and beliefs) or with techniques like Hypnosis or PSYCH-K® that rewire the subconscious mind. We can unlearn old limiting or negative beliefs and overwrite them with supporting positive beliefs about ourselves and our world.

The Conditions of Living, which we always like to think are the only determining factor for our happiness, are responsible for only 10% of our happiness! How much money we have, for example, does not make us lastingly happy. It has been shown that even when somebody wins in the lottery, their level of happiness after a while returns to the level it was at before.

That leaves 40% for the Voluntary Choices. Those are choices we make for pure pleasure (e.g. activities, food, sex etc.) and even more importantly choices that bring us fulfillment (being creative or spiritual, being helpful and giving, for example donating our time or money to a charity, or simply making someone else happy through attention, affection and appreciation) The more we give positive attention to others, the more we show them affection and appreciation, the happier we are and the happier they are. The secret ingredients to Happiness are the three As: Attention, Affection and Appreciation.


There is one more factor to Happiness not contained in this formula, which is the Existential Unhappiness when we have resentments or other negative feelings about the past or worry about the future. The human being is the only creature who can replay negative events from the past and make him/herself thoroughly unhappy in the present, or worry about not being happy in the future with the same effect. Knowing this, it is important to let go of the past and not worry overly about the future.


For Hypnosis, PSYCH-K® or Forgiveness/Letting Go Work contact Angelika




If you are enjoying my posts you can follow Greendoor to receive an e-mail notification whenever I post a new blog. Click the follow button in the right hand corner of your screen.

Why Should I Apologize?

Apologizing4I met a young man this year who went through a time of huge change. In fact, his entire family went through this big life change. Some familiar faces and his old rhythm of life changed. New people came into his life with other ways of doing things. The new events came out of nowhere for him, and naturally he was struggling with the emotions coming up. Things being different triggered in him a feeling we all deep down have, the little nagging voice which says, “I do not feel good enough”.

Nobody “makes us feel” a certain way, but other people, of course, trigger our deepest doubts and insecurities. Sometimes we overreact when we feel not enough. We want to blame others for making us feel “like a bad person”. We push them away instead of giving them a chance to share how they really feel and think about us. We get stuck in the idea of being a victim who has been hurt by another person. When the other person wants to apologize, we take it as a confirmation that we have been wronged instead of a sign of him or her caring enough to say sorry.

Where I come from, people have a hard time saying “I am sorry”. In the German mind-set, it is deeply ingrained that saying sorry means “I did something I shouldn’t have done. I wronged you in some way.” They ask, “Why should I apologize? I have done nothing bad.” This attitude seems less common in Canada but there still are people who see an apology as a confession of wrongdoing.


“I am sorry you feel this way” just means that we care enough to put ourselves in somebody else’s shoes and that we are acknowledging the feelings somebody has. “I am sorry” can also mean “I acknowledge that I was part of this experience you had and I am sorry we created something together which did not feel good for either one of us.” It is a sign that we are taking responsibility for our own words and actions independent of the right and wrong dynamic. Sometimes things aren’t right or wrong, they just are.


Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, we can meet in a field of communicating without judgements and of understanding each other’s feelings. We can all—no matter how old we are—make mistakes; we can all say “I am sorry you feel this way”; we can all take responsibility for co-creating our experiences with each other; we can all let go and give second chances. If we want to have second and third chances in life, we need to start by giving others that opportunity as well.


If you enjoyed this post, please consider following my blog and you will be notified by email whenever I upload a post.

If you do not have a wordpress account and would like to subscribe for notifications, press the “Follow” button in the lower left-hand corner of your screen.


Life and Relationship Coaching



Half Your Parent

A friend of mine made an interesting remark a few days ago. Being divorced and having co-parented with not just one, but two ex-partners, she said the key piece for her was to never-ever, under any circumstances, speak negatively about the other parent to the children. Now, we have all heard this before and might think that is a nice ideal. However, we assume that if we cannot keep our perspective of the other parent to ourselves it is not a big deal either. Is that really true?

parents & child

My friend’s reasoning for why this was the key piece of healthy co-parenting to her should convince anybody. A child usually feels they are “half their parent”. We are taught to believe that we have inherited some characteristics and character traits from one parent, some from the other. Very often we are told things like “You have your father’s smile” or “You have your mother’s sensitivity”. Very often we even hear “You are so much like your father/mother”.

When you really watch a child closely as somebody is speaking in a dismissive or derogative manner about one of his/her parents, you can feel sadness and shame or even anger. If we believe we are half of each parent and are being told that the other parent is bad in some way, is not enough, is too this or too that, we learn to also feel that we are not enough. We believe we must also be flawed.

Not speaking in a derogative manner about the other parent is therefore not about the ex-partner at all, not about who has hurt whom, but solely a gift I can give my child to feel good about her- or himself.

With that knowing in mind, can we even perhaps take it a step further and speak in an affirmative and positive fashion about the other parent? No matter what we think about him or her, can we focus on their good side and point those strengths and admirable personality traits out to the children? Surely there is something we can say about the person we used to love and live with which will teach our child that they are amazing.

So next time you are about to say with rolled eyes and an exasperated sigh, “You are just like your mother/father” bite your tongue and think of something good to say about the other parent and ultimately about your own child.


Relationship and Belief Change Coaching, Forgiveness and Letting Go



De-cluttering Our Home and Our Mind

With the New Year, the urge to “sweep out old energy” and to make room for the new came in strongly. I usually get a desire to de-clutter at the end of each year but this time around the de-cluttering took on a scope like never before.

We sold the old sofa, bought a new sofa, gave away other furniture, rearranged several rooms, gave away boxes and boxes of books (we are all avid readers) and we were also finally all ready to part with old toys.


De-cluttering brought up a lot of emotions. When we let go of the old and move into a new phase, we leave our comfort zone. Giving away many of my daughters’ toys brought up happy childhood memories for all of us, and the realization that there is no stopping the growing-up process.

For my older daughter, who is done with school soon, it was emotional to give away old books, as it reminded her of the countless hours of reading together, and of feeling loved, safe and taken care of. Life had a predictable structure back then, while now her future is wide open.

For my younger daughter, the tears welled up when she was sorting through her stuffed animal collection and giving away half of them. “After all,” she said, “all stuffed animals need someone to love them.”

And I, myself, had to fight the urge to keep everything “for my grandchildren.” I had to remind myself that before I have grandchildren, many other adventures and projects await me. That energy needs space and room to manifest in my house and in my mind.

There was a lot of dust in the air when we moved things around. However, my dust allergy only kicked in as I was going through old books, especially those that I had used to teach and home-school my older daughter during another time of transition and great change in our lives. I found that interesting, considering that allergies are an over-response of our immune system to something quite harmless which it perceives as a danger. My body was clearly communicating a fear to me, while another part of me felt ready to overcome that fear of what only appears to be dangerous.


For all of us, the resistance to let go wasn’t about the things themselves; it was about the feelings that they bring up in us. It was about moving forward, letting go of what is familiar and therefore feels safe. Unless we let go and fully live in the present with courage, we cannot create anything new. This requires moving out of our comfort zone and allowing ourselves to feel that the future is bright and exciting.


De-cluttering your house therefore goes hand in hand with de-cluttering your mind. In fact, they both feed off each other. Beliefs and thoughts which we must allow to grow when de-cluttering our environment and our minds are:

– Change is safe and exciting.

– I thrive on change.

– I welcome change and growth.

– I joyfully release the past and expect the best now and in the future.

– I embrace new energy and new opportunities.

– I make room for the new.

– I stop waiting for __________ and create the life I want NOW!

– I attract wonderful new experiences, people and things into my life.


The house now feels airier and lighter. There is an atmosphere of bubbly excitement. It filled us with expectancy and anticipation for fabulous and wonderful new things to come in 2014.


Do you want to de-clutter your mind and your surroundings?

For coaching and belief change work with techniques like Psych-K® and hypnosis contact Angelika



Happiness – Do it Like the Ducks

Last week, I was on vacation with an old friend of mine. She is an amazing, conscious soul and throughout the week, when “life just happened,” she would smile at me and say, “Let’s do it like the ducks and shake this off.” She would literally pretend to flap her “wings”, make us all laugh out loud and then move on.

She was referencing Eckhard Tolle. In his book “A New Earth” he explains that in order to be happy with what shows up, we have to make peace by letting go of any negative thoughts. Tolle observed that after two ducks get into a fight they each flap their wings vigorously a few times to get rid of the surplus energy.

As human beings, we get stuck in our stories. We are resentful because of what happened or because things did not go according to plan. The lesson we can learn from the ducks is: flap your wings. Shake off the energy you feel after a negative encounter, let go of the stories you tell yourself, turn off that voice that wants to hold onto negativity, and return to the only place of power: the present moment. Give yourself permission to be happy right here, right now.

Stop complaining! Instead of focusing on what is negative or lacking or did not go according to plan, let it go and move forward. Complaining is a choice. Happiness is a choice. Being in the moment is a choice. You can do it like the ducks and shake off any energy that keeps you from being happy in the moment.

“Let us waste no further time looking for the secret of success or the key to happiness. Already the door is open and whosoever will, may enter.”

(Ernest Holmes)


Life and Spiritual Coaching in the GTA (Mississauga)




Why should I be the one to forgive?

If you are looking at forgiveness from the traditional point of view, you might ask, “Why should I be the one to forgive? I was right, the other person was wrong. I was the one who was hurt!”

You might also wonder if by forgiving you are giving them a free licence to hurt you or your loved ones again. You might fear opening yourself up to the same hurtful experiences once again.

Traditional Forgiveness says, ‘You have done something to me; you are to blame for how I feel. You wronged me but I forgive you anyways.’ The view is that I am the victim.

New Thought Forgiveness asks ‘Why have I attracted you into my life? What is there for me to learn and overcome? What gift are you bringing into my life by being a mirror for me? How can I take responsibility for my own feelings and beliefs?’

Forgiveness IS NOT

– condoning or excusing what the other person did

– forgetting that the experience happened

– denying your feelings or saying that you are not supposed to have them

– loving the other person or even choosing to be around them

Forgiveness IS

– letting go of the story that you are a victim

– claiming your true power

– taking back your energy that you have tied up in the past

– taking responsibility for your feelings of hurt, shame, guilt, blame, anger or judgment

– intended solely for your own healing

– an act of self-love and self-respect that sets you free

– “for giving” yourself love, healing, growth, evolution and freedom

“Forgiving others is a gift to yourself, given not because the other deserves pardon,
but because you deserve the serenity and joy that comes from releasing resentment and anger, and from embracing universal forgiveness.” (Jonathan Lockwood Huie)

Forgiving does not mean forgetting; it also does not mean loving others. We can choose to forgive but still not love. It simply means taking back the energy that we have tied up with feelings for someone else.

“Forgiveness is unlocking the door to set someone free and realizing you were the prisoner!” (Max Lucado)

In a sense, we have kept the people we have not forgiven imprisoned within us. We have been standing outside their jail door to make sure they do not escape. As their guard, we have bound ourselves together with them, instead of letting them and the incident go.

Forgiveness is the gift that you give yourself, the gift that frees you from the pain that you gave yourself by judging others. Forgiveness is a choice to release, to let go; freeing up the energy that binds and blinds you. Forgiveness completes your own healing. It releases you from energy patterns that could contribute to illness or drain your energy.

“When we hate our enemies, we are giving them power over us: power over our sleep, our appetites, our blood pressure, our health, and our happiness. Our enemies would dance with joy if only they knew how they were worrying us, lacerating us, and getting even with us! Our hate is not hurting them at all, but our hate is turning our own days and nights into a hellish turmoil.” (Dale Carnegie)

The truth is that there are no enemies. People who hurt us are only teachers for us, as they mirror what we need to heal inside ourselves.

The first step of forgiveness is to feel the painful feelings without judgements, to listen to them.

How exactly are we feeling?

What are the feelings saying?

What beliefs or thoughts are underneath those feelings?

What are these feelings bringing to our awareness?

Are they perhaps triggering even older painful memories from our past?

What limiting beliefs or fears need to be healed in us?

An important part of forgiveness is self-forgiveness. Our Inner Critic at times tortures us mercilessly with feelings of guilt, shame or self-blame. It has told us how we have failed and been a disappointment. It is time to claim back that energy as well. Feelings of resentment – no matter whether directed at others or at ourselves – poison us from the inside. They can literally make us sick.


For coaching and forgiveness work contact me