Haunted By the Past

“I don’t need to forgive”, Maria said. “I have moved on and built my own life. My father is the one who left us for this woman. He was always a selfish man. He doesn’t deserve to see me or meet his grandchildren. He will only hurt us again. Also, my mother would be so upset if I forgave him…”

Maria came to me with relationship issues with her husband and children and with depression. As much as Maria claimed that she had let go and moved on, she was still emotionally and energetically hooked into the past. She, understandably, was afraid to get hurt again. She felt the need to continue to punish her father for something that happened 25 years ago. She only had contempt for him and his second wife. She hadn’t ever grieved the loss of her father or forgiven him. She loved her mom and felt that she owed it to her mother to hang on to the hurt and anger.

Maria was looking at forgiveness from the traditional point of view, and was asking, “Why should I be the one to forgive? What he did was disloyal and wrong. My mother and I were the ones who were hurt.” She blamed him for her pain and for what he did to her mother. In her eyes, he abandoned and wronged them. They were the victims.


New Thought Forgiveness looks at forgiveness quite differently. When we forgive, we are not excusing what the other person did. However, when we know that we are always co-creators of our reality, we need to question the idea of perpetrator and victim. This view of forgiveness acknowledges that anger, hurt and shame of past events affect us emotionally, mentally and physically in the present, often on a daily basis. We can choose at any time to move from being a lifelong victim into freedom. In order to achieve that freedom, we need to drop into our hearts and ask our heart’s intuitive wisdom and guidance, “What is there for me to learn or overcome and what gift does this situation have for me? How can I take responsibility for my own feelings and beliefs?” And most importantly, “what do I need to do to be free and joyful again?”


When we forgive others, we free ourselves from allowing the experience to adversely affect our life in the present. When we truly forgive, we reclaim our power, the power to decide if and how that past event will affect each moment now. Forgiveness and letting go allows us to get on with living a joyful life, the life we were meant to live. “Until you forgive, you still have an energetic connection to the past person or event.” (Dhebi DeWitz)

Gregg Braden explains how forgiveness allows us to clear out our anger, judgments, and pain regarding specific events in our lives. And Dhebi DeWitz summarizes in “The Messenger Within”: “It does so without condoning the action, pardoning the behaviour, or absolving what has happened. It simply acknowledges that the event occurred. Forgiving does not mean the other person is no longer held accountable for his or her actions because those do have consequences. Nor does it relinquish responsibility.

It simply means that when we bless and forgive the people, circumstances, and events that hurt us in life, we are acknowledging their existence, and by doing so, it allows the hurt to move out of our being.”


Energetically, we have kept the people we have not forgiven imprisoned within us. As their prison guard, we have bound ourselves together with them, instead of letting them and the incident go. The others are unaware we have put them into this jail inside ourselves. The only ones who suffer are us by putting ourselves into that prison with them. No matter what they have done or didn’t do, people will always experience energetic consequences. The law of cause and effect always works.


Maria had to admit that a lot of her energy and her thoughts directly or indirectly revolved around what her father had done. Each time she visited her mother or spoke to her on the phone, Maria silently blamed her father for her mother’s depression. Whenever she had a fight with her own husband, Maria found herself calling him selfish and thinking “Typical men! They are all the same!” All this was pain she was giving herself based on the experiences she had and the beliefs she had learned growing up.

Forgiveness is a choice to release, to let go, freeing up the energy that binds us into the past and blinds us to any other perspective. We can choose to let go of the old emotions stored in our body and establish new, more supportive beliefs. Forgiveness is for our own healing. It releases us from energy patterns that contribute to emotional and physical pain, to illness or to energy drain. Hate, anger, hurt, sadness, shame and other suppressed emotions affect our overall health.


The reason why it is usually not enough to simply decide to forgive is that forgiveness is not an intellectual process. The conscious decision to forgive is only the first step. Forgiveness happens at the level of the heart and includes our subconscious mind.

One such process of letting go is the “Blessing of Forgiveness Process”, developed by Dhebi DeWitz from The Heart And Soul Academy, which includes three parties:

One such process of letting go is the “Blessing of Forgiveness Process”, developed by Dhebi DeWitz, which includes three parties:

  1. Those who inflicted the suffering
  2. Those who suffer
  3. Those who witnessed the suffering


  1. Forgiveness of Others:

Forgiveness is not for the other person. The real reason we forgive is because we don’t want to suffer and feel hurt every time we remember what they said, did or didn’t do. Have you ever considered that nothing anyone ever does is because of you (Don Miguel Ruiz)? What somebody did to you has absolutely nothing to do with you, but only with them.

Maria’s father did not leave her because she was “not enough,” but because he was longing for love and his own happiness. The actions of the offending person are a result of the beliefs and learned behaviours of that person at that time. People are dealing with their own inner anguish and turmoil. Maria’s father did not know how to improve the relationship with her mother and did what many people do: he moved on to the next relationship. The actions that hurt Maria were a reaction to the suffering that played out in her father’s own mind, and that he acted upon while involving Maria and her mother. He simply acted based on his perceptions that his marriage was over, on the pain that he carried within him from his own childhood and on his longing for love and happiness.

Once we have this awareness, it helps us to not take what the other person did personally, and then—with the understanding that we are all human, and with compassion for the other person’s perception—it will lead us to true forgiveness. By forgiving others, we are still acknowledging the existence of their hurtful actions, but by doing so with heart-consciousness rather than the mind alone, we allow the hurt we have taken in so deeply to be released from our body. We can rationalize all we want, but until we forgive in our heart, the person, event, or circumstance has the power to haunt us. On the other hand, when we truly forgive, it frees us from the limitations we have placed upon ourselves, and allows us to live in greater joy and happiness.

  1. Forgiveness of Yourself:

Often, we forget that the people we most need to forgive are ourselves. We might have directly or indirectly contributed to the painful event, but even if we didn’t, we have to forgive ourselves for taking whatever happened to us in too deeply – so deep that it shut us down, kept us helpless and small, and paralyzed us from living fully in this present moment. (Debbie Ford). We also might need to forgive ourselves for judging ourselves. In which ways have you been unkind to yourself? What have you blamed yourself or judged yourself for?

Maria realized she never felt good enough, beautiful enough, smart enough, loveable enough. She was usually critical with herself, beating herself up for not being a good daughter, a good wife or a good mother. She also had to forgive herself for taking in too deeply that her father left her mother, so deeply that she never wanted to see him again and that it made her afraid to trust men, including her own husband.

  1. Blessing of the Witnesses:

Her father left his first family when Maria was ten. Her mother refused to let her have contact with her paternal grandparents. Her grandparents were helpless witnesses to the suffering, feeling unable to do anything. Maria blamed them for not taking clear sides for her and her mother. Maria had learned from her mother that there were sides to take. Revisiting the situation as an adult and putting herself in her grandparents’ shoes, she realized their confusion and helplessness.

The people who were bystanders of the painful event, like Maria’s grandparents, carry a part of the energetic imprint of the event within them. They might have felt powerless or helpless to prevent the pain and suffering in the past and they might still suffer from their inability to comfort or help in the present. “When we bless those who have witnessed the suffering, it releases their energetic cords or connection to the situation.” (Dhebi DeWitz)


Forgiveness in all three cases means letting go of the past and cutting energetic chords which drain us. Not to forgive is a choice to remain in what is familiar, the emotional pain. “If we say, ‘I just can’t forgive’, then what we are really saying is, ‘I prefer to live with my emotional poison, with my pride and my anger. I prefer not to move from this place of suffering.’” (Dhebi DeWitz)

We might not always be able to forgive everything in one go and we might have to do a heart-centred forgiveness process or ritual several times, but the choice not to forgive at all is the choice to continue being a victim and to remain in anger and pain.


Are you interested to experience and learn Dhebi DeWitz’ Blessing of Forgiveness Process and other ways of forgiving from your heart?

Join me for this workshop:

Sunday, March 19 from 10:00 a.m. – 4:00 p.m.

Topic: Forgiveness

LOCATION: Mississauga

Fee: EARLY BIRD $67 (by Feb. 14), $80 thereafter



The Blessing of Forgiveness Process is also available in Dhebi DeWitz book “The Messenger Within”.

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Angelika, 905-286-9466, greendoorrelaxation@yahoo.ca




The Magic Potion to Create Harmonious and Loving Relationships

Are you struggling with your relationship with a particular family member, perhaps with a parent, sibling or child?

Is your marriage or partnership not harmonious or truly loving?

Are you single and do you want to attract a romantic relationship into your life?

Are you getting separated or divorced, and do you want the transition to be as positive as possible?


If I had a magic potion and could give you the relationships you want, what would that look like?

Guess what! YOU have that magic potion yourself. You can create relationships that unfold with ease, joy, and grace. Your relationships can be filled with love, harmony, peace, happiness, and acceptance. Even your relationship with an ex-partner can be cooperative and friendly.

All you have to do is mix your magic potion in the right way; the basic ingredients are working on your own beliefs, thoughts and feelings, and embodying loving kindness, forgiveness and acceptance.

We can never change another person but we can change ourselves. As you change your perception of the relationship you have to another person—as you shift how you feel about him/her and what he/she did—your entire experience changes.

The people we love are usually the best mirrors for us. They bring to our awareness issues we need to work on within ourselves. We can then shift out of judgment and into acceptance. As we confront and befriend the shadows they are showing us in our own being, we no longer get triggered by those loved ones.

Behind every experience there are beliefs and expectations.

If I judge a family member or partner, the relationship will lack mutual acceptance, appreciation and love. The change begins with me changing my judgments and feelings.

If I believe that I am not lucky with romantic relationships, “not being lucky” will be exactly the experience I have. The change starts with moving into a new expectation.

If I view my ex-partner as an enemy, the relationship will be one of disharmony. Change can happen when I am willing to let go of the past  and expect the best now and in the future.

For Shadow Work or Belief Changes with Psych-K and Hypnosis, contact Angelika



Our Baggage Does Not Need to Weigh Us Down

The short film “Baggage” by Ivan Kander is the story of a special kind of baggage counter. People line up at this counter to check in their emotional issues.

There is the woman whose partner cheated on her after six months, the man with a messy divorce, the girl who checks in the latest “walk of shame,” the man who is trying to get rid of his paranoia, the woman whose husband left her for a “pole dancer,” and the guy who—once again—is trying to get rid of his anger.

These people line up here over and over again to check in their latest baggage. For a while they feel lighter—until the next time they have something to check in, because it appears to be too heavy to carry.

One man is in line, however, to reclaim his luggage. Why would he want to do that?

He explains to the young woman in line behind him that checking our baggage means we are checking everything in. It is “like eating ice-cream but it doesn’t taste sweet, just cold and flavourless.”

He says to the employee behind the counter, who does not let him reclaim his baggage, “I met someone who was perfect. It did not work because I checked my baggage. I checked it ALL. Taking the weigh out of everything makes it so worthless. The nice things she did for me were all lost on me because I was weightless. I had nothing to give her in return.”

Rather than “checking” our emotional baggage, getting rid of it, suppressing it, we can understand it. Our baggage does not need to weigh us down. All our past experiences brought us to where we are now. We are weighed down by it because we believe it is heavy. We believe we cannot carry it. Understanding it and embracing it is like buying a new suitcase with wheels underneath. Changing how we feel about what happened and learning from each experience makes our baggage lighter. We can pull it behind us effortlessly. It becomes a gift instead of a burden.

Our baggage is part of our story. Checking our feelings means building a shield around our heart. It robs us of fully living life. Instead of starving our shadows, let’s become conscious of them and accept them as part of who we are, whether we feel anger, shame, sadness, rejection or abandonment. By bringing it in, we heal and transform the heaviness. Our baggage becomes light.

We become able to tell our story without the emotional charge. What used to feel heavy can feel like a great gift when we have done our work. There are no “good” or “bad” experiences. They don’t mean anything until we give them a particular meaning. We can give them a different meaning at any point. We can love all of our experiences, love all of who we are.

For coaching and belief change work contact Angelika



Letting Go of Your Stories

How do we create a future for ourselves which is abundant with love, joy, health and prosperity? A reality in which we feel empowered about what shows up in our life and how we respond to it? How do we embrace each experience as a learning opportunity on our path of personal and spiritual growth?

The key is “eliminating your need to hold on to stories from your past that no longer work for you.” (Jonathan Zenz, Centre of Spiritual Living, Toronto). The past is over. All that is real right now is the present moment. The stories do not matter anymore!

Sometimes we need to forgive others and/or ourselves in order to let go of the energy we have bound up in the past. Sometimes we need to examine our stories to find the truth for our growth, healing and evolution. Sometimes we need to face our fears to move forward into the future we really want. “The capacity of letting go of your story opens you up to a brand new story being written.” (Jonathan Zenz)

Part of letting go is realizing that life is not about being right or wrong.“We hold on to our stories because we believe they actually bring us something. We believe they make us powerful because we hold onto this idea that we were right. We were absolutely right!” (Jonathan Zenz) This obsession to be right holds us hostage to the story, to an energy of judgment and righteousness. The true power, however, lies in love.

“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing,

there is a field. I will meet you there.”


When we move out into that field beyond right and wrong—into the energy of love—everything is possible. We realize that we are all wounded and that those wounds can be healed with love. We can shift into self-love and be compassionate with ourselves. We can let go of expectations and love others unconditionally.

We are co-creators of our reality. In fact, the Universe would not even exist without our participation as an intelligent force in it.

“You can either participate consciously or subconsciously. What would you rather have the experience of? Conscious, constructive, forward moving, evolutionary living—or subconscious [living], and have it all just show up?” (Jonathan Zenz)

Our experiences have formed us but they do not define who we will be tomorrow. Who we are today and who we will be tomorrow is the experience we are creating in this moment, the story we are writing right now. At any given time, we can change our life and create the kind of experiences we would rather have. We can let go of all limiting beliefs and move into abundance.

Are you ready to let go of your subconscious beliefs that hold you back? Are you prepared to examine your stories for their usefulness and let the ones go that are not for your benefit? Are you ready to forgive and just let go?

Contact me for a free consultation, or to make an appointment for coaching or belief change work.