Whether you think you can…

You probably know the famous quote by Henry Ford, “Whether you think you can or whether you think you can’t, you’re right.” In the belief change technique PSYCH-K®, the belief “I can” is named as one of 13 core beliefs, next to such core beliefs as “I want to live”, or “I love myself”, or beliefs around the world being a friendly place.

Our subconscious mind agreeing with the fact that we are capable of doing what we set our mind to as opposed to the belief “I can’t” is one of the main factors for success. Believing “I can” goes beyond self-confidence. It is a necessary subconscious belief which needs to be in place to learn or accomplish anything new.

When I am not working in my main profession as a belief change coach, I teach German to adults through an online school. Most students are really motivated and I am always in awe of how they embrace the new language and complicated German grammatical rules. Without curiosity and an open mind, they wouldn’t get very far.

A couple of days ago, I was paired up for a private lesson with a lovely gentleman from Scotland. He had a profession for which he needed a university degree and which required him to be intelligent and organized. This was only his third German lesson and within the first five minutes, he shared with me the following: “My company is paying for these lessons because they want me to learn German, but I don’t think I can get to the level they want me to get to.” He also said, “Learning a language this complicated feels like a big commitment”, “I feel stupid” and “I can’t do it”.

The lesson was about learning new vocabulary in regards to furniture pieces and going over the basic sentence structure, subject-verb-object. Of course the grammar is different than in English, for example German nouns have three grammatical genders (masculine, feminine or neuter) which you simply need to memorize with each noun. Each time we got to a new presentation slide and something wasn’t quite the way it is in English, he would literally roll back in his office chair and throw his hands up in the air, and ask “Why is this so difficult?” or declare “I will never be able to learn this!”

I had to take my German Teacher Hat off for a bit and put my Coach Hat on and be very candid that the only thing keeping him from learning was his insistence that he couldn’t ever do this. His pronunciation was good and clearly he was a smart man. What was however providing a huge roadblock for him was the belief “I cannot learn another language” and “German is too hard for me to learn”.

I look forward to teaching this gentleman again because I know for certain that all he needs to do is shift his belief system and put a bit of memorizing time in to be very successful. Shifting from “I can’t” to “I can” opens up so many new doors and exciting experiences for us, whether in our career or in our private life.

In a client session, we can change a core belief like “I can”—or any other belief for that matter—by using an energy psychology technique like PSYCH-K® or the belief change process from Shadow Energetics. These changes are quick and effective and don’t usually take longer than 10-20 minutes, but have lasting results that can shift your life around.

For more information on PSYCH-K® or Shadow Energetics contact

Angelika

905-286-9466

greendoorrelaxation@yahoo.ca

If you would like to read more about how beliefs shape our life and how we can change them, the following books are available on Amazon. Thank you for using my amazon associate links below.

The Biology of Belief by Bruce Lipton

“PSYCH-K®… The Missing Piece” by Rob Williams

 If you enjoy my articles, please subscribe to receive an e-mail notification when I post a new blog. Just enter your email address in the field in the left sidebar. Thank you for your support!

What is PSYCH-K® and Shadow Energetics©?

Listen to the blog article as an extended interview version on my podcast, or read it below.

When people look at my list of services, I often get the question, “What is this psyche thing you do?” Even though PSYCH-K®, originated by Rob Williams in early 1989, has been around for 30 years now, it is still is a bit of an “insider tip” when you want to change your subconscious mind.

Bruce Lipton calls PSYCH-K “an energy-based psychological treatment system” (The Biology of Belief) and recommend it as one way of changing your belief system. In fact both PSYCH-K® and Shadow Energetics, developed by my friend Darryl Gurney, are energy psychology techniques which allow us to effectively shift our beliefs at a subconscious level.

When I first learned PSYCH-K® in the spring of 2006, my background at that point was hypnosis to help my coaching clients reach their conscious goals. I hypnotized them, and taught them self-hypnosis in addition, to be able to continue certain suggestions at home, but wondered, what if there was a faster and more efficient way of changing our beliefs and seeing the results right away? There is! PSYCH-K® and Shadow Energetics both allow us to change a particular belief in just a few minutes.

“PSYCH” stands for “Psyche” and the “K” for Kinesiology. Applied Kinesiology, also referred to as “muscle testing” or “energy testing”, allows us, whether we use PSYCH-K® or the belief change process from Shadow Energetics, to communicate with our Subconscious Mind and our Higher Self (called the Superconscious Mind by Rob Williams).

We cannot say something that our subconscious believes to be a lie without experiencing a weaker muscle response—compared to when we are expressing something our subconscious deems to be true. That is extremely fortunate for us, because it allows us to determine what our subconscious really agrees with. Once we have detected that a certain beneficial belief is not held at a subconscious level, we can ask permission (through the muscle testing) to make a change and to program or establish this more supportive belief. Both, PSYCH-K® and Shadow Energetics have strict permission protocols. We always check if it is in the “highest wisdom and benefit” (Shadow Energetics) or “safe and appropriate” (PSYCH-K®) to make a shift at a given point in time.

In addition to giving us a technique to change our beliefs at a subconscious level, Shadow Energetics recognizes the importance of muscle testing emotional charges in our body and releasing them, as these stuck emotions causes interference patterns. Just like our limiting beliefs, our emotions also create our experience of reality below our level of conscious awareness. 90% of physical issues have an emotional root. Emotions are normal; in fact, all feelings and emotions are good. They provide us with feedback that we need to address something. However, some emotions do not resolve themselves completely; they can cause an obstruction in the physical body, sending out a continuous interference resonance. As a result, we perceive and respond to reality from our emotional pain.

The key piece of the Shadow Energetics system is the integration of our shadows with the goal of becoming whole and more heart-centred, by being able to accept ourselves and others unconditionally.

The term “shadow”, coined by Carl Jung and made popular by the late Debbie Ford, refers to the fact that other people mirror to us what we had to disown growing up. As we develop our personality, we learn to identify with certain personality traits, usually those which were deemed good by others and brought us attention and love in our environment. Yet, all energy outside in the world exists inside of us. Because we have learned to disown certain ways of being, we can only perceive the unwanted traits in projection in others. We carry them inside of us as “shadows”.

A shadow can either be a “dark shadow” or “light shadow”. Dark shadows, contrary to what I occasionally hear, have absolutely nothing to do with evil or with an Ego that we need to get rid off, but simply with the fact that we are human and flawed. That which we do not like or that which we hate about ourselves—and think that we are not—is a dark shadow. We also all carry light shadows, which are the qualities we admire in others, but again, which we think we are not. The truth is, we are everything: Good and bad.

Debbie Ford compares our traits, the ones we like and the ones we don’t like, to a pack of wolves. Her quote from her book “Why Good People Do Bad Things” says it best:

“Truth be told, there is a whole pack of wolves running around inside us – the loving wolf, the kind-hearted wolf, the smart wolf, the sensitive wolf, the strong wolf, the selfless wolf, the open-hearted wolf, and the creative wolf. Along with these positive aspects exists the dissatisfied wolf, the ungrateful wolf, the entitled wolf, the nasty wolf, the selfish wolf, the shameful wolf, the lying wolf, and the destructive wolf. Each day we have the opportunity to acknowledge all of these wolves. All these parts of ourselves, and we get to choose how we will relate to each of them. Will we stand in judgement on some and pretend some don’t exist or are we going to take ownership of the entire pack?” (Debbie Ford, Why Good People Do Bad Things)

Should we only feed the white wolves and ignore the black ones? If we only feed what we were told is “good”, and try to starve the other impulses and energies inside of us, the latter will wait for an opportunity to attack when we least expect it. ALL energy USED WITH CONSCIOUSNESS is good, beneficial or useful in some way. However, the key is that we are consciously aware of our shadows and have learned to love ourselves with them. Loving ourselves including our darkness allows us to truly love and accept others with all their imperfections and flaws as well.

Join us for the next SHADOW ENERGETICS WORKSHOP at the end of May. You will learn all the processes to do your own healing work and/or to use them with your clients. To find out more about what is included in this four day training please click here or read testimonials of past students.

If you would like to read more on the topic of beliefs and shadows, or watch Debbie Ford’s movie, the following products are available on amazon by clicking the image links.

(DVD)

 

Contact me for

individual coaching sessions or couples’ sessions.

Angelika

905-286-9466

greendoorrelaxation@yahoo.ca

 

I know your time is valuable and I appreciate you reading my blog. If you enjoy my articles, you can subscribe to receive an e-mail notification whenever I post a new blog. All you need to do is to enter your email address in the field in the left sidebar. Thank you for your support!

Perfectly Imperfect Mother

My mom passed on six years ago. Each Mother’s Day, I think of her, of course, and ever so often I talk to her. I allow myself to feel good about the relationship we had, and I also realize that there were more lessons we could have learned. I know that she loved me with an unwavering affection, no matter what, even when I was less than patient with her. Mother love can be like no other: forgiving and enduring, even when there are fights or misunderstandings. However, when we are in the middle of a conflict, it can seem like it just can’t be resolved.

It is normal and natural that parents and children push each others buttons. We trigger each others disowned parts or shadows. Those issues are an invitation to become more whole within our own being and to create a more loving and accepting relationship with each other.

What is often in the way of truly loving our parents is that we have unrealistic expectations of them. Instead of accepting them the way they are, we want picture perfect parents. According to that picture, our mother is supposed to be always there to support us, always listening and empathizing perfectly. She is supposed to have the answers and be the wiser one to guide us. We want to admire her and look up to her. She is supposed to have it all figured out.

And sometimes mothers manage to do some of that but what if they are also just human like we are? What if sometimes they are as lost as we are? What if they don’t always act in a way that we admire? What if they also battle fears and limiting beliefs about themselves and the world? What if they trigger strong emotions for us and we don’t always bring the best out in each other?

If the relationship is challenging, we can conclude that it is just not worth bothering or too frustrating to deal with. Or we can ask ourselves, what relationship do I want to have with my mother, and what does it take to get there? Who do I need to be in order to have a healthy, satisfying relationship with her, in which my needs and values are respected?

Louise Hay suggests that you ask yourself what kind of relationship you would like to have with your mother and to put that into affirmative statement form, and start declaring it for yourself. Start opening up to the possibility to create the best relationship possible. Ask yourself what your needs are in this relationship. There will be some needs which are non-negotiable and a must in the interactions, and others that you are willing to have met elsewhere.

Decide what it is you need. She may not approve of how you live your life, but it is not necessary to make her wrong. All you need to know is that you approve of your life choices. You are an adult and if you meet her as an adult that approves of him or herself, she might surprise you.

Lead with vulnerability and let her know that you want a loving, successful relationship with her. Be very specific about how you want to show up in this relationship without trying to change or control her. Share your needs and boundaries in a loving way. Simply let her know how much it means to you to meet her from heart to heart.

Some subconscious belief changes which might help you in meeting your mom eye-to-eye are

  1. I have reasonable expectations of my mother as another human being.
  2. I allow her to be perfectly imperfect.
  3. I accept my mother the way she is.
  4. I view her with eyes of kindness and understanding.
  5. I show up as the best me in this relationship.
  6. I approve of myself and my choices.
  7. I am free of any need for approval.
  8. I embrace the best relationship that is possible with her.

 

If you would like to improve any relationship or change some subconscious beliefs, using techniques like PSYCH-K® or Shadow Energetics, contact me for a free phone consultation

Angelika

905-286-9466

greendoorrelaxation@yahoo.ca 

I know your time is valuable and I appreciate you reading my blog. If you are enjoying my articles, you can subscribe to receive an e-mail notification whenever I post a new blog. All you need to do is to enter your email address in the field in the left sidebar. Thank you for your support!

Believing Impossible Things

“Alice laughed: “There’s no use trying,” she said; “one can’t believe impossible things.”

“I daresay you haven’t had much practice,” said the Queen. “When I was younger, I always did it for half an hour a day. Why, sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.”

– Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

 

alice_in_wonderland_by_one_film_one_drawing-d7t894y

Drawing by one-film-one-drawing.deviantart.com/art

 

When we first entertain a new more supportive belief it often seems impossible and ludicrous. Our subconscious mind has, after all, been running on the exact opposite program for years.

“I have a strong immune system and stay healthy all year long.” How unbelievable is that if I have been expecting to get at least one cold every winter?

“I easily and effortlessly attract money doing what I love”. How ludicrous does that seem if the previous belief program is “It is hard for me to make and keep money”?

“I have all it takes to draw my perfect partner into my life.” How hard to grasp if old programs of unworthiness have been running the show!

“I deserve to relax and take time for myself.” How challenging is this when I have learned that I always have to achieve and produce and that resting means I am lazy?

“It is impossible for a human being to run a mile under four minutes.” So many believed that in the 1940ties until Roger Banister broke the world record and ran the mile in 3 minutes, 59 seconds. Shortly afterwards several other people broke that barrier of 4 minutes as it was now believable. Today the world record lies at 3 minutes 43 seconds.

roger-banister

 

Have you ever tried to change your beliefs through affirmations alone? How long did that take and how effective was that? We usually need many repetitions to create lasting changes on a conscious level.

Our subconscious is like a sumo wrestler in a wrestling match with our conscious mind, which perhaps has the strength of a five year old child. Unless we get the sumo wrestler on our side, the match is pretty much lost.

Our conscious mind can process and manage an average of 40 nerve pulse per second, our subconscious mind manages approximately 40 million nerve pulses per second. In other words, while the conscious mind can process 40 bits of information, the subconscious can process 40 million bits. Our conscious mind only controls 5% of all our actions. 95% of our actions are due to our subconscious programs, our beliefs based on our past experiences, traumas, ideas and values.

Bruce Lipton quote A

Bruce Lipton summarizes the four ways of rewriting subconscious programming:

  1. Shock

For example, a belief like “Life is safe for me” can suddenly change to the opposite when we experience a traumatic event like an accident or loss.

  1. Repetition

Affirmations are a way of repeating a new belief over and over again until the subconscious agrees.

  1. Hypnosis

In a normal waking state of consciousness, our brain wave activity is in the beta range. Through hypnosis, we can access alpha and theta brain waves and access the subconscious mind with beneficial suggestions.

  1. Energy Psychology / Belief Change Modalities

Belief Change modalities, like PSYCH-K® or the Shadow Energetics® Belief Change Process, are equivalent to super-learning and are undoubtedly the fastest way of changing a belief. You can rewrite a belief program in 5-10 minutes.

 

What do you believe to be impossible? Are you ready to question your beliefs and belief systems and create amazing changes in your life?

For individual Belief Change Sessions or if you want to learn Shadow Energetics® contact

Angelika Baum, Belief Change Coach and Workshop Facilitator,

905-286-9466, greendoorrelaxation@yahoo.ca

If you are enjoying my articles, you can follow Greendoor to receive an e-mail notification whenever I post a new blog. All you need to do is to click the “follow” button in the right-hand corner of your screen.

What is Holding You Back from Making “The Secret” Work for Yourself?

 

Dhebi De Witz - quote

 

In her book “The Messenger Within,” Dhebi DeWitz names 7 areas of influence which are holding us back from manifesting and creating the happy and healthy life we are able to have:

  1. Our Beliefs
  2. Our Emotions
  3. Our Essential Human Needs
  4. Our Distant Past
  5. Our Shadows
  6. Our Lifestyle
  7. Additional Energy

 

In “Living the Science of Mind”, Ernest Holmes compares the flow of the Universal Goodness to a huge body of water up in the mountains. The water is brought down by a system of pipes to irrigate the valley. The flow is endless and has a natural pressure within itself. It is only limited by the size of the pipe through which it flows. When no water flows or it only trickles, the reason is not that the water has stopped flowing, but that the pipe is blocked.

The debris blocking the flow of Source Energy or Goodness into our life is made up of our subconscious beliefs, the emotions we are stuck in, our needs which aren’t met, influences from the past (past lives, ancestral lineage), our shadows which we have disowned, lifestyle influences and energy blockages. The reasonable thing is to follow the pipe back and clean out the debris that blocks it.

Waterfall - small

Only approximately 5% of our words and actions originate from the conscious mind. 95% of the time, we are habitually operating from our subconscious beliefs. Those belief programs influence how we think, how we speak, how we act and ultimately, what destiny we are able to manifest for ourselves. The good news is that those subconscious programs can be changed from limiting beliefs to supportive ones.

Just like our limiting beliefs, our emotions also create our experience of reality below our level of conscious awareness. Our emotions affect our health greatly; 90% of physical issues have an emotional root. All of us experience emotional extremes at times. Emotions are normal, in fact, all feelings and emotions are good; they provide us with feedback that we need to address something. However, some emotions do not resolve themselves completely; they can cause an obstruction in the physical body, sending out a continuous interference resonance. This situation is similar to a steam kettle under pressure. As a result, we continue to operate from a reality we perceive from our emotional pain. These blocked emotions can be released from the physical body.

Our essential human needs have a life force of their own. No matter how old we are, as human beings, we all have needs and desires. Unfulfilled needs cause emotions such as frustration, disappointment or resentment. When we learn how to successfully communicate our own needs, we then in turn can also help others to acknowledge, express and fulfill their needs. The Goodness Ernest Holmes speaks about can flow into our life and into our relationships.

There are times when past-life experiences or ancestral lineage influences affect your current life. This is the case when there is a carry-over interference pattern from the past that needs to be resolved in the present. Past life memories are stored in our subconscious mind; ancestral influences are stored in our cells. The latter are passed on through our DNA to the next generation. We have the choice to heal our past lives and ancestral wounds.

Everything that is in the world is also inside of us. We are born like a castle with a thousand rooms. As a child, we explore all rooms in this magnificent castle without malice. We try out all energy or in other words all “possibilities of being” – until other people tell us something is “bad” or “wrong”. You shouldn’t be loud and enjoy attention, you shouldn’t be selfish or greedy, you shouldn’t be lazy, you shouldn’t be angry, you shouldn’t be… and the list goes on. Because we all want and need to be accepted and loved, we disown those personality traits which we learn are “bad”. They become our shadows. Because we have pushed them away, we can only perceive them in projection in others.  They become our triggers; we judge them in others. These shadows become part of the debris which blocks the life force energy. They keep us from being whole, from unconditionally loving ourselves and others. By embracing all our disowned personality parts, we become whole again.

Deepak Chopra emphasizes that we all have a blueprint for health, no blueprint for disease. However, certain lifestyle choices we make create interference patterns which disrupt the healthy blueprint within us. Those choices include—among others—unhealthy food choices, toxins, stress, lack or rest, relaxation and meditation, lack of exercise, lack of joy and play, lack of fresh air and sunshine, and even a lack of bodywork, for example massages or energy work. When we change our eating habits, rest more, and make time for healthy movement, we clear out the debris which is the result of unhealthy lifestyle choices.

Last but not least, the flow is blocked when there is low vibrational or heavy energy affecting us. The more we are aware of the energy flow in our bodies and in our surroundings, the easier we can shift and uplift the energy through a clearing ritual or prayer.

These seven areas constitute the secret behind “The Secret” of manifesting our dreams, goals and desires using the Law of Attraction.

In the Shadow Energetics Workshop, we touch on all seven areas and devolve deeper into the first five.

  1. You learn how to communicate with your subconscious mind and your higher self through energy testing (muscle testing). You are taught a belief change process to replace limiting subconscious beliefs with more supportive ones.
  2. You learn an Emotional Release Process, an efficient and effective tool to release an emotional charge.
  3. We connect with our Inner Child and our Essential Human Needs. You will be introduced to Rosenberg’s Non-Violent Communication model of successfully expressing your feelings and needs.
  4. When tapping into your Higher Self through muscle testing past issues, including past/parallel lives or our ancestral lineage might come up.
  5. The core piece of the Shadow Energetics workshop are our dark and light shadows which show up in our relationships with others. Our dark shadows are parts of ourselves which we have learned to disown as “bad” or “wrong” and therefore judge in others. Our light shadows are what we admire in others and again think we are not.

For a 20 minute video interview on Shadow Energetics please click here.

The Early Bird Special for the Fall Shadow Energetic Training ends on September 2. For more info go to upcoming workshops or contact Angelika, 905-286-9466, greendoorrelaxation@yahoo.ca

Starting in October 2016, Dhebi DeWitz and I will offer Shadow Energetics webinars 4-6 times a year. These one hour webinars will be open to former students of Shadow Energetics, as well as Dhebi’s students, and also new people who are interested in finding out more about the work we do and the book Dhebi wrote. If you are interested to join us please contact either one of us.

Angelika
Angelika Baum, 905-286-9466, greendoorrelaxation@yahoo.ca
Dhebi De Witz
Dhebi DeWitz, 425-890-4972, dhebidewitz@gmail.com

Inner Critic – Friend or Foe?

Listen to this topic as a podcast here, or read about it below!

A member of our family was going shopping. He carefully planned out his route to run several errands and included a grocery shopping list. As we sit down for lunch later I ask, “You bought water, didn’t you? Is it still in the car?” He slaps his forehead. “You won’t believe what I did. I left the six water bottles sitting at the check out!” No big deal, we have a water filter too, but the perfect opportunity for his Inner Critic to rear his head and make a mountain out of a molehill.

If you want to know what his Inner Critic voice might say, just think of what your own Inner Critic has to say when you make a mistake, “screw up” or forget something. It pretty much kicks you – depending on how “bad” and “unforgivable” the mistake rates on your personal scale. It might say “You are such an idiot! How can you pay for something and then forget it! Now you have to go back and see if the cashier remembers you. In fact, you are not just stupid, you are getting forgetful. It must be because you are getting old. Or maybe something is seriously wrong with you. Forgetfulness is a symptom of…” And the Inner Critic is off and running, making us feel like a complete failure and scaring the living daylight out of us.

Our Inner Critic is always playing in the background like a radio which we do not even notice anymore. It is constantly assessing and comparing how we are doing. And certain situations bring on real Inner Critic attacks. When we are stressed, weak, tired, hungry, in an unfamiliar place or in a new situation, the Inner Critic might torture us more than usual. When adverse fortune strikes, when we get bad grades or negative assessment, or lose our job, or an important relationship ends, the Inner Critic will make sure we feel terrible and at fault. All those are typical moments which make us more susceptible to an Inner Critic attack.

How do we know we are having an Inner Critic attack? Usually, the first sign is our emotional state. We might feel depressed, or irritated or angry at ourselves. When we listen closely, we can then hear those negative defeatist thoughts which are making us feel “not good enough”.

Originally, the Inner Critic is the internalized parental voice. Just as our parents had the intention to help us by giving us feedback on where and how we could do better, the Inner Critic voice also operates on the assumption that it is protecting us. The idea is, “If I, the Inner Critic, criticize you first, you can fix what is wrong and you are safe from outside criticism”.

The Inner Critic is generally trying to protect us from embarrassment and shame. But due to the harshness of that inner voice, it causes exactly the feeling of shame and not being good enough that it is trying to protect us from.

Inner Critic 1

The Inner Critic loves certain buzz words like “mistake”, “failure” and “symptom”. If Mary has the goal to lose weight and she goes for the bowl of ice cream in the middle of the night, the Inner Critic is likely to tell her that she is and always has been a complete failure, that everybody else has no problems losing weight, and that her eating is a serious symptom of a sugar addiction or even worse.

I have been meaning to write this blog on the Inner Critic for about three weeks. Usually, my blogs literally write themselves. It starts with an idea and the blog around the idea begins to formulate itself in my head before I even type one single word into my computer. Not so with this one.

What would my Inner Critic like to make out of that fact? It is teaming up with my Inner Pusher which says you should be productive and get something done. It might start to say, “What is wrong with you? You are such a procrastinator! You could have / should have / ought to…” And if I do not stop the Inner Critic right there and then, it might bring out the heavy cannonballs along the lines of, “This is a serious symptom! You have never had such a long blogging pause. You have a writing block! What if you never write a single blog again!”

Never mind that I prepared and taught two weekend workshops over the last few weeks, the Inner Critic will label that sort of rational justification as “an excuse” and try to convince me that I’m really slacking off and losing “it”, whatever “it” might be.

The Inner Critic also loves comparisons: “You never used to forget anything!”, “Did you read the amazing blog Grace wrote the other day?”, “Look how thin your sister is, you are such a failure!” or “Look how comfortable and funny Anna is with everybody; you are so dull and awkward and you will never make friends at university.”

No matter what you do, the Inner Critic can never be satisfied! It will always find someone to compare you to and it will always find something to criticize. And it will even find the exact opposite to criticize.

The other day, I had a client who is in his mid forties. He just started a new job and his Inner Critic is having a field day with him. It’s a new situation, and there are new rules and new processes to learn. The Inner Critic is trying to tell him he is too old, too slow, and just plainly not good enough. One moment his Inner Critic says “Your younger colleagues have an advantage; they only had to learn the new processes and not all those old redundant skills which you possess.” The next moment, the Inner Critic turns around and says “The colleagues who are ten years older than you have an advantage because they have more experience than you!” So which is it now, is he too old and slow, or to young and inexperienced? The Inner Critic does not care!

Inner Critic 2b

There is only one way to win the game with the Inner Critic and that is NOT to play!

The Inner Critic works on two principles:

  1. There is a correct way of doing things.
  2. Other people are going to judge you all the time.

Aren’t those interesting assumptions? We just need to go to a different culture or time period to realize there are many different ways of doing things. Each culture has its own rules and value systems.

The Inner Critic works together with other primary selves which we have. We all have different primary personality parts, for example the Perfectionist (likes things to be perfect), the Pusher (wants us to achieve something), the Pleaser (wants to make others happy), the Rational Mind (great at logical thinking but mistrusts feelings and intuition), the Inner Patriarch (echoes the beliefs of thousands of years of patriarchal society), just to name a few.

Each of them operates on certain beliefs. For example, the Perfectionist part in us believes that it’s not okay for us to make mistakes and to be satisfied with imperfection. The Pusher is relentless and constantly pushes us to be productive and achieve something. The Pleaser is convinced that we won’t be loved/liked/safe or that we will experience other negative consequences if we don’t please others. The Rational Mind disregards feelings and intuition and is convinced that it is necessary to understand and dissect everything. All these personality parts are useful. The danger lies in over-identifying with one or more of them. None of these personality parts support relaxation, trusting and going with the flow, being gentle and loving with ourselves or meeting our own needs.

The Inner Critic is the “cop” of the system. It enforces these rules which are beliefs on the level of the subconscious. In order to achieve some separation from the merciless Inner Critic voice which completely paralyzes us and pulls us into depression, we need to change those beliefs which are not supportive for us.

These beliefs are held in the subconscious mind and cannot be changed by the conscious mind. That’s why affirmations only have limited success. Belief change processes offer a way into the subconscious mind to achieve separation from our primary parts and our Inner Critic.

When we have a strong Inner Critic, it is quite easy for others to manage us. We just need that one look or that raised eyebrow and our Inner Critic kicks in immediately. “Oh, I must have said or done something wrong. He/she is not happy with me. I better make sure he or she is pleased with me again …” And without being aware of it, we are giving our entire power away to others.

So how does one tame the Inner Critic and get that voice to shut up?

First of all, we have to learn to recognize when the Inner Critic shows up. The Inner Critic is invisible and often even inaudible. We can make it audible and visible by sharing out loud with our loved ones what the Inner Critic is saying. Journaling and using a different colour when the Inner Critic voice shows up, is another way of calling it out.

The next step is to examine the basic rules the Inner Critic adheres to and makes a crime of, because it works hand in hand with our other personality parts. So the more separation we are getting from our primary selves by changing the beliefs they operate on, the less fuel the Inner Critic has.

Finally, to achieve even further separation, we can get in touch with the energies the Inner Critic tells us we should disown because they are “bad”. Those energies or traits are called our shadows. Shadow work fosters greater balance, inner harmony, self-acceptance and self-love.

Underneath the Inner Critic is anxiety and fear that we need protection to be safe. Love heals all fear. We need to become an Inner Parent to our vulnerable part inside—which is also called our Inner Child—and bring a loving supportive voice up to balance out the Inner Critic. So if the Inner Critic says “You are not good enough!” the loving parent voice can reply “You are perfect the way you are. You are beautiful, smart and lovable in every way.”

The most obvious criteria of separation from the Inner Critic is humour! When we hear the voice of this Critic and can respond with humour, we are on the way to separation.

So what did we do to help our “forgetful” family member to stop the Inner Critic attack that was brewing up like dark storm clouds? We made the voice audible and visible and laughed at it. That prompted that family member to start singing “It’s a good day to go to Superstore, Superstore, Superstore…” to the tune of “The wheels on the bus”. And with everybody’s laughter, the Inner Critic had lost all its momentum and power over the situation. Instead of ruining the day, or at least the next hour, it brought us amusement and entertainment.

If you are enjoying my articles, you can subscribe to receive an e-mail notification whenever I post a new blog. All you need to do is to enter your email address in the field on the left side of the bar. Thank you for your support!

If you want to learn more about your Inner Critic and embark on the journey of separation you have three options:

– Contact Angelika for individual sessions, 905-286-9466, greendoorrelaxation@yahoo.ca

– Sign up for the next Workshop on the Inner Critic

Saturday, July 9, 2016 from 10:00 a.m to 4:00 p.m

Sunday, May 7, 2017 from 10:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m.

 

 

“I Just Want Christmas to Be Over”

Opinions about the holiday season vary greatly. You come across people who truly love Christmas and you come across people who are not that thrilled the holidays are here once again; some even literally hate this time of the year.

How we feel about Christmas—and about celebrating this or other family holidays—depends a lot on what experiences we have had and what beliefs we have learned. Sometimes our apprehension might be connected to missing a person, sometimes to how we get to celebrate. In fact, it’s a time in which we are really tested in regards to negotiating compromises.

With the permission of two clients, I want to share two different Christmas stories today. Both stories started with a depressed sigh and with the sentence, “I just want Christmas to be over”.

The first client was a woman in her fifties. She told me, “Christmas is so stressful; it is just work for me!” And then she listed all the things she had to do and the lack of time to do it. When I asked her how Christmas would look if she could have it exactly the way she wanted, she was speechless for a moment. She had no clear idea. She started saying, “Well, if I could have what I wanted, I wouldn’t have my whole family over and cook for everybody on the 25th, and I wouldn’t go to my in-laws from the 26th to 28th, and I wouldn’t buy so many gifts and… but that’s not possible because everybody is counting on me to do this! If I don’t do it nobody else will!”

So this was clearly a case of negotiating needs. In order to do that, this wonderful giving woman first of all needed to believe that her own needs matter. We needed to teach her subconscious mind more supportive beliefs about herself and her needs, especially in comparison to other people’s needs. She also decided to take an honest look and ask herself what energies she had over-identified with and which opposite energies she had disowned. Her perfectionist, pleaser and care-taker parts were strong personality parts for her. She liked to give to others but because her opposite energies were underdeveloped, she ended up feeling resentful, unappreciated and completely overwhelmed. She needed some more separation from her perfectionist, pleaser and care-taker and had to embrace her own inner child which wanted to have play time and relaxing time over the holidays.

She came for three sessions at the end of last year. I just heard from her a few days ago. She is creating a completely different holiday experience for herself this year. She negotiated that they would only travel up North to stay with the in-laws every other year and that everybody in her family would help with Christmas dinner at her house. “I had to let go of my need to have things ‘just so’, but it was worth it! I actually have found time this year to start cross stitching again; I always used to love needle work. And instead of giving gifts to everybody in the family, we are only doing cards for the adults. All I need to worry about is my grandchildren and it’s fun to shop for them. I am actually enjoying this time of the year! It is wonderful!”

IMAG0202

The second client is a man in his late thirties. When asked why he wants Christmas to be over, he said, “I don’t know. It is just depressing. Just thinking of Christmas shopping makes me break out in a cold sweat; in January we are always in debt because of all the December expenses.” When asked how he envisions a Christmas that meets his needs he replied, “I have no idea! Christmas was always a time I dreaded, going back to the year when my grandpa Miller died” and his eyes filled with tears. He quickly wanted to push that sadness down again but I asked him to sit with it and feel it. It turned out that as a child a few years in a row, traumatic events happened around Christmas: somebody died or moved away or an accident of sorts happened.

Subconsciously, this man still expected the worst to happen at this time of the year. His work was to joyfully release past Christmas experiences and to expect the best Christmas now and in the future. He also chose to change beliefs about being a horrible gift giver and about having to spend a lot of money for Christmas. His son now has a chance to experience a different holiday, one where there are less expensive gifts under the tree but where everybody sits together playing board games and laughing. It’s a Christmas where this dad might finally feel comfortable sharing about his childhood and what his Grandpa Miller was like, a different and special holiday memory for his son.

Wishing you a holiday

If you enjoy my posts, you can follow Greendoor to receive an e-mail notification whenever I post a new blog. All you need to do is to click the “follow” button in the right-hand corner of your screen.

Angelika

Belief Change Coaching

905-286-9466

greendoorrelaxation@yahoo.ca

Empty Nest?

Have you ever tried to push an emotion away instead of dealing with it? Doesn’t work so well, does it? It’s a bit like trying to push a beach ball under water. It is bound to pop up again sooner or later.

I had my own week of pushing down a beach ball. Ten days ago, my oldest moved out. She and I have always had a very strong bond. A friend of mine, who has a son a few years older, has been making foreboding remarks about the challenges of adjusting to children moving out for the last few months. Resolutely, I had refused to listen and “have her put suggestions into my head”. After all, her son had no siblings and the term “empty nest” did not apply to me at all.

When you google “empty nest syndrome” definitions like this one come up: “Empty nest syndrome is a feeling of grief and loneliness parents may feel when their children leave home for the first time. This can result in depression and a loss of purpose for parents, since the departure of their children from “the nest” leads to adjustments in parents’ lives. Empty nest syndrome is especially common in full-time mothers.”

Nest 2

I just couldn’t see how that could possibly apply to me. I have my work which I love, a close loving partnership, another daughter and a stepdaughter. Does that sound like an empty nest? I was worried about how my younger daughter would deal with her sister being away from home. I feared she would miss her best friend and mentor. Her older sister is the one she is closely bonded into. However, I was not expecting to feel grief myself.

My daughter moved out on Friday. On Sunday, my stepdaughter, who is an intuitive little one, asked me twice out of the blue “Are you okay?” I replied to her I was feeling tired but secretly started wondering what she was picking up on. By Monday, I was starting to realize that I was suppressing something. The bond with my oldest is strong and I trust it will change and become in some ways even deeper than it is. So that was not it. Yet, I felt moody, restless and just not myself.

It took a couple of meditations and some muscle testing to realize what was being triggered. A very old primal fear came up. I traced it back to being barely four years old. At that time, shifts happened in my family with one of my sisters being born and my mother almost leaving my father due to another crisis. The experience I had back then was that it is not safe for me when shifts happen among the people I love. Once I had uncovered that limiting belief, it was easy to clear it out.

Nest 5

We can clear out fears or limiting beliefs using PSYCH-K® or another belief change technique. In addition it can help to use NLP-based techniques of refocusing on what we want at this point in our life. This helps us to further adapt to changes and to be able to direct our creative energy towards our own/new goals.

Sometimes we underestimate periods of transition in our life. We are getting married or moving in with someone. We are having a baby. We are melting two families. Somebody moves out. We are getting a promotion into a more challenging position. Somebody in the family is retiring. All these are usually “happy” events. Yet, just like losing our job, a break-up of a relationship, a separation, a divorce or losing somebody through death, transitions shake us and require adjustments. They can trigger emotions and fears. They might bring limiting beliefs up to the surface. They are, however, a gift. They are an opportunity to do our growth work.

Are you going through a transition in your life?

For Life Coaching and Emotional Healing Work

Contact Angelika

905-286-9466

greendoorrelaxation@yahoo.ca

 

If you enjoy my posts, you can follow Greendoor to receive an e-mail notification whenever I post a new blog. All you need to do is to click the “follow” button in the right-hand corner of your screen.

Leveraging the Placebo Effect

My friend’s husband has unknowingly been drinking caffeine-free coffee for the last three months. It worked just as well as regular coffee—until he found out that his wife and assistant had been conspiring for the sake of his health. The moment he found out it wasn’t “real” coffee and he shouldn’t be experiencing any stimulating effects, it stopped working.

Why did the caffeine-free substance work just as well for three whole months? That would be the placebo effect or the power of his mind. He expected it to work and hence experienced feeling more awake and less tired.

In the medical field, the placebo effect is defined as a measurable, observable, or felt improvement in health or behaviour that arises from the patient’s expectations concerning an inactive substance—like a sugar pill, distilled water, or saline solution—or a “fake” treatment rather than from the substance or treatment itself.

Different definitions speak about the expectation, or faith, or belief of the person as the defining factor for the placebo to work. Rob Williams, the founder of PSYCH-K®, a highly effective belief change system, suggests that it would be more fitting to refer to the placebo effect as the “perception effect”.

The western medical community has officially known about this phenomenon for 80 years. The American anaesthesiologist Henry Knowles Beecher discovered the placebo effect as a medic in World War II. After running out of pain-killing morphine, he replaced it with a simple saline solution but continued telling the wounded soldiers it was morphine to calm them.

If we have known about this for 80 years, why aren’t we leveraging the power of our mind more? The placebo effect should be a major topic of study in medical school. It gives doctors an efficient, side effect-free tool to treat disease. Instead it is often still regarded as something that is “all just in the person’s mind” and is linked to weak or suggestible patients.

We are all suggestible! Our world is full of suggestions, from the moment we wake up in the morning right up until we go to bed at night. The suggestions are on the radio, in the paper, on TV, and on the Internet. In fact, there are suggestions in this article that you are reading right now. Suggestions are littered throughout the media, whether they show up as supposedly objective news stories or commercials. They are on the bus and at work as we listen to other people sharing their beliefs. Beliefs are contagious. Suggestions are especially powerful when we enter the office of an authority like a doctor, a teacher or another person we admire and trust, like a Psychic we seek out for advice. And even when we are not listening to somebody outside ourselves, the suggestions are running in our own heads. We are constantly hypnotizing ourselves by repeating our current beliefs and stories.

Now, is that a problem? Not at all. We just need to harness the power of our subconscious mind and our beliefs and use them to our advantage. We need to be very aware of negative suggestions and we need to choose more supportive ones. We can literally change our biology and our health by what we believe to be true.

Bruce Lipton quote AUnfortunately, drug companies study patients who respond to the placebo effect with the goal of eliminating them from early clinical trials. (Greenberg, “Is it Prozac? Or Placebo?” 2003) An estimated one third of the population responds especially well to placebos. Those highly responsive people are eliminated before the drug is even tested. Drug companies obviously have no interest in researching the healing power we all have inside because we won’t need to buy drugs if we can actually heal from within. Knowing about the power of our beliefs and our ability to create our reality from those beliefs and perceptions, and to even change our biology, would open the door to a multitude of other possibilities for the human race. These potentialities would dramatically and completely change our consciousness level and affect the way we live. It would most likely be the end to many industries on the planet, the health industry being one of the foremost ones.

The Basic PSYCH-K® Training includes a documentary about different studies which illustrate that conventional medicine is often as effective as a placebo treatment. A Baylor School of Medicine study, published in 2002 in the New England Journal of Medicine, examined surgery for patients with severe and debilitating knee pain. The patients were divided into three groups. The surgeon, Dr. Bruce Moseley, shaved the damaged cartilage in the knee of one group. For the second group he flushed out the knee joint, removing all of the material believed to be causing inflammation. Both of these processes are the standard surgeries for severe arthritic knees. The third group only received a pretend surgery: the patients were sedated, the three standard incisions were made and then the surgeon talked and acted just as he would during surgery. All three groups were prescribed the same postoperative care which included an exercise program. The results were astonishing! The placebo group improved just as much as the other two groups who had surgery. The footage shows members of the placebo group walking and playing basketball.

Bruce Moseley quoteAnother area in which placebos have been proven to be highly affective is the antidepressant industry. A 2002 article published in the American Psychological Association’s prevention & treatment, by University of Connecticut psychology professor Irving Kirsch titled, “The Emperor’s New Drugs,” found that 80% of the effect of antidepressants, as measured in clinical trials, could be attributed to the placebo effect. Kirsch had to file a Freedom of Information Act request to even get his hands on the information on the clinical trials of the top six antidepressants on the market. In more than half of the clinical trials, the placebo worked as well as the drug. “The difference between the response of the drugs and the response of the placebo was less than two points on average on this clinical scale that goes from fifty to sixty points. That’s a very small difference, that difference is clinically meaningless.” (Kirsch)

Cell biologist Bruce Lipton also notes that the more antidepressants were talked about in the media and advertised for, the more effective they became. We are, as I mentioned earlier, all suggestible. We live in a culture where most people believe that anti-depressants work, and therefore they do.

A young man I know has recently been told that after taking a particular anti-depressant for six years his body had become accustomed to it and it would not work anymore. Guess what happened instantly after his doctor had given him this suggestion? Exactly! It stopped working for him. The one thing this young man can count on is that the doctor will next suggest this amazing new anti-depressant which will be all hyped up as working so much better. And it will indeed work. But not necessarily because the drug is all that it is made out to be, but rather because we believe it is. After all, anti-depressants are an $8.2 billion industry.

If we can heal by believing that a particular drug or treatment will cure us, what does this mean? It means that it is really our beliefs, thoughts, and feelings which are responsible for a change. We believe that the coffee will wake us up, or that the pain medication with a known brand name will reduce the discomfort, or that the anti-depressant will make us feel better. When it comes to depression, the general belief is that a chemical deficit in the brain is responsible. If our thoughts and emotions release different chemicals in the brain, wouldn’t it make more sense to work on a person’s thoughts and feelings to induce a different chemical state? Relaxation, meditation and belief change work are all a gift to claim our power to heal ourselves and to make any changes to our thoughts and experiences.

placebos 4

The first thing which needs to change is for everybody to realize that we are constantly influenced and hypnotized to believe what the people around us believe. We have been brainwashed and programmed to believe that we need something outside ourselves to make changes to what we believe to be real, like our physical health. One of the hardest things to do is probably to go against our collective beliefs.

Somebody who has been diagnosed with a particular illness, whether that is cancer, MS, lupus, fibromyalgia, to just name a few of those big ones, has to not only defy any personal limiting beliefs but also the collective beliefs about what it means to have one of these diseases. Connie Kowalski, an amazing colleague of mine, has refused to play within the field of Lupus and has come back to perfect health after needing a wheelchair and everybody fearing she wouldn’t have long to live. She did deep healing work at a subconscious level. Another friend and colleague of mine, Allison Bastarache, has done the same for MS. She healed herself completely and has now stepped into her calling of being an energy worker and spiritual healer. As these two amazing women and their beautiful healing stories show, our potential healing power is truly limitless!

Are you ready to embrace your own power to change your reality?

PSYCH-K®, Hypnosis and NLP all give us tools to make changes.

Contact Angelika

905-286-9466

greendoorrelaxation@yahoo.ca

If you enjoy my posts, you can follow Greendoor to receive an e-mail notification whenever I post a new blog. All you need to do is to click the “follow” button in the right-hand corner of your screen.

Receiving Guidance

Oracle cards are an ancient method to receive guidance. They can help to answer questions we have about an issue we are faced with and to access our intuitive wisdom. Based on the spiritual Law of Attraction, certain cards show up which are related to what our soul already knows but we are not able to see clearly, because it is just on the edge of our consciousness. The cards help bring forth that inner knowing into our conscious awareness. They provide insights into those previously submerged thoughts, feelings and beliefs which we need to become aware of and work with. The insights can show us which thoughts and beliefs we might want to alter so that we can make choices which are congruent with our soul’s purpose.

 Oracle Cards2

One of my favourite card decks is “Messages from Your Animal Spirit Guides” by Stephen Farmer, who is going to be our key note speaker at the 2015 Burlington Wholistic Wellness Expo on May 31. Farmer is a shamanic practitioner, minister and psychotherapist and the author of several books about spirit animals, also called totem animals or power animals. This beautiful illustrated deck of cards features different animals and gives us a brief message from each of them. The accompanying guide book includes a longer description on how to interpret each card’s general meaning.

You can use oracle cards like these on your own, or in a group. Centre yourself and set a clear intention or ask a clear question. The question can be very specific or open ended like “What do I need to know right now?” One way to receive the answer is to shuffle the deck. Sometimes a card seems to fall out. Trust that “coincidence” that this is your card. If no card “jumps out”, stop shuffling when you get the intuitive sense to do so. Then pull a card either from the top of the deck or anywhere in the deck that you are guided to draw from. As you look at the card, pay attention to the first thing that comes to mind. Which parts of the card’s message resonate with you and how?

Last weekend, at our monthly PSYCH-K® practice group, which I offer for the students of Darryl Gurney’s classes, we used Stephen Farmer’s card deck to receive additional insights on which beliefs everybody might want to change. Three cards showed up more than once which was interesting as the participants worked together in groups of two. The same subjects re-emerged for everybody to pair up in teams with a matching topic. Some of the cards which showed up were the boar, the blue heron, the walrus and the bumblebee.

 Oracle Card - Boar

The boar encourages to “face your problems head-on with confidence and courage, and you will emerge victorious”. It’s a call to dig in and rummage around until you have discovered how to solve the current problem you have. Then you need to take immediate action to remedy it. Emerging victorious could be to either having conquered the problem or having changed your thinking about the situation, or both. Possible statements to balance might be “I deserve to get what I want” or “I always succeed in my endeavours” or “I am confident in my decisions”. Obviously each individual situation somebody is facing will give this message a personal aspect of what supportive beliefs are needed.

 Oracle Card - Blue Heron

The blue heron asks to “make a stand for what you believe in and do what feels right in spite of any judgment or disapproval from others”. Trust your deepest sense of knowing what the best action is for you. Don’t rely on others telling you what to do or on their assessment of you. Possible beliefs to change might be “I care less and less what other people think” or “I trust my own opinion and feelings” or “It’s ok for me to displease others to be true to myself”.

 Oracle Card - Walrus

The walrus warns to “remain vigilant about the current situation; pay attention to signs and omens, and let them dictate your choices”. Watch, listen and feel. Be aware of your dreams and other messages. You might want to journal and watch out for repetitions. Does it feel like a certain career situation or relationship is a call to set clear boundaries and to make new choices or changes? Possible beliefs to balance might be “I release all fear and attachment to a specific outcome” or “I trust the guidance I receive” or “I make conscious choices”.

 Oracle Card - Honeybee

The honeybee advises to “let compassion and forgiveness be your top priority in this situation”. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting, it does not mean saying somebody was wrong or right, it does not mean loving a person, it just means to release and free up the energy we have bound up with the feelings we have about a certain person or situation. Forgiveness requires that we acknowledge and accept responsibility for our judgments and that we release them. To forgive means to go beyond right and wrong. Sometimes we forget the most important person when we forgive: ourselves. Possible statements can be “I forgive… (insert person’s name) for … (insert what they have done or didn’t do)” or “I forgive myself for… “

 

Forgiveness

is the gift that you give yourself

that frees you from the pain

that you gave yourself by judging others negative.

 

Angelika 905-286-9466, greendoorrelaxation@yahoo.ca

If you are enjoying my posts you can follow Greendoor to receive an e-mail notification whenever I post a new blog. Click the follow button in the right hand corner of your screen.

 

The Surprising Purpose of Anger

The central idea behind Marshall B Rosenberg’s system of Non-Violent Communication is people’s needs and whether they are being met. NVC shows us how to express ourselves in ways that increase the likelihood of getting what we need. It also teaches us how to listen to and respond to the messages of others from our heart. Once the needs of all people involved have been acknowledged and understood, compromises or solutions can be found. We have a natural inclination to help others out and make life better for them. When we are approached with a true request, we tend to grant the request, if possible.

If anger is present, it is more likely that the interaction is not going to be very constructive. Suppressing or denying anger never works. We need to ask what is going on underneath the anger. Anger is like the indicator light in your car. We wouldn’t ignore that warning light. It gives us useful information about what our engine needs.

check engine light

The first thing we need to let go of is blaming others for our anger. Nobody makes us feel angry. The behaviour of others might be the trigger for our anger but not the cause. When you find yourself thinking “He/she is making me feel angry because…” stop and reframe. We are never angry because of what others say or do. We are angry because of what we are telling ourselves about the situation.

“The cause of anger lies in our thinking—in thoughts of blame and judgment.” (Marshall Rosenberg, Non-violent Communication, 143)

Here is an example: If you have agreed to pick me up at 6:00 but you show up at 6:30, am I angry? It depends on what I make this mean. Do I tell myself that you don’t care about me or my time and that you are disrespectful toward me? Do I judge you as unreliable and inconsiderate? Do I stress myself out because we might now be late for something? These are all stories which will make me feel angry. If I don’t give your lateness any meaning, don’t take it as a personal attack, I don’t feel angry. If you arrive late and my need is to spend time purposefully and constructively, I might feel frustrated or angry. If my need is for 30 minutes of quiet time or to finish something myself, I might feel pleased.

It is not you who has made me feel angry, it is the story I tell myself based on my underlying need. When we are connected to our needs, we don’t need to move into anger. Instead of engaging in righteousness, we can connect with our own needs and those of others. Instead of believing we are angry because somebody else made us feel this way, we can shift to “I am feeling anger because my need for… is not met.”

Marshall Rosenberg quote

We have the choice to take four steps toward expressing anger constructively:

  1. Stop what we are thinking or saying and breathe
  2. Identify our judgmental thoughts and stories
  3. Connect with our feelings and needs underneath the anger
  4. Express our feelings and unmet needs
  5. Make a concrete request of how our needs can be met

When I share the steps of non-violent communication with my clients, three different hurdles usually show up. One, many of us have never learned to recognize what our needs are. Two, nobody has ever taught us how to express them. Three, we need to be okay with the other person denying our request.

Here are some examples for beliefs that we need to balance at a subconscious level to communicate more successfully:

  1. My needs are important / as important as other people’s needs.
  2. It is safe for me to express my needs.
  3. I am willing to communicate my emotions.
  4. I express my needs calmly and clearly.
  5. My needs are acknowledged / heard.
  6. I deserve to have my needs met.
  7. I love myself when others deny my requests.
  8. I listen with an open heart to other people’s feelings and needs.
  9. I respect and honour other people’s needs.
  10. I lovingly accept others as they are.

For examples of non-violent communication please read my blog “Communicating More Successfully”.

If you are enjoying my articles, you can subscribe to receive an e-mail notification whenever I post a new blog. All you need to do is to enter your email address in the field on the left side of the bar. Thank you for your support!

For Belief Change Coaching and Relationship Coaching contact Angelika

905-286-9466

greendoorrelaxation@yahoo.ca

The Magic Potion to Create Harmonious and Loving Relationships

Are you struggling with your relationship with a particular family member, perhaps with a parent, sibling or child?

Is your marriage or partnership not harmonious or truly loving?

Are you single and do you want to attract a romantic relationship into your life?

Are you getting separated or divorced, and do you want the transition to be as positive as possible?

 

If I had a magic potion and could give you the relationships you want, what would that look like?

Guess what! YOU have that magic potion yourself. You can create relationships that unfold with ease, joy, and grace. Your relationships can be filled with love, harmony, peace, happiness, and acceptance. Even your relationship with an ex-partner can be cooperative and friendly.

All you have to do is mix your magic potion in the right way; the basic ingredients are working on your own beliefs, thoughts and feelings, and embodying loving kindness, forgiveness and acceptance.

We can never change another person but we can change ourselves. As you change your perception of the relationship you have to another person—as you shift how you feel about him/her and what he/she did—your entire experience changes.

The people we love are usually the best mirrors for us. They bring to our awareness issues we need to work on within ourselves. We can then shift out of judgment and into acceptance. As we confront and befriend the shadows they are showing us in our own being, we no longer get triggered by those loved ones.

Behind every experience there are beliefs and expectations.

If I judge a family member or partner, the relationship will lack mutual acceptance, appreciation and love. The change begins with me changing my judgments and feelings.

If I believe that I am not lucky with romantic relationships, “not being lucky” will be exactly the experience I have. The change starts with moving into a new expectation.

If I view my ex-partner as an enemy, the relationship will be one of disharmony. Change can happen when I am willing to let go of the past  and expect the best now and in the future.

For Shadow Work or Belief Changes with Psych-K and Hypnosis, contact Angelika

greendoorrelaxation@yahoo.ca

905-286-9466