How About Love?

Five hundred twenty-five thousand

Six hundred minutes

How do you measure – measure a year?

In daylights – in sunsets

In midnights – in cups of coffee

In inches – in miles

In laughter – in strife

In – five hundred twenty-five thousand

Six hundred minutes

How do you measure

A year in the life

How about love?

(“Seasons Of Love” song from the musical “Rent”)

Love is a topic which occupies all of us. As a society, we are obsessed by it: books, movies, TV series, musicals, Valentine’s Day, talking with your girlfriend, seeing your therapist. Everything revolves around relationships and love. We long for it and we wonder how to “get love”. At the same time, there is hardly any other topic we have learned more myths about.

Science has revealed that love is vital to our existence. Love is a basic survival code for us as humans. Our brain is wired to read and respond to others. Feeling safe and loved by others makes us stronger. We all need the emotional and spiritual nourishment of human relationships. Human comfort is our natural remedy for fear, stress, and doubt. Rejection, abandonment and disconnection are cues for danger that plunge us into anxiety and cause us not just emotional but also physical pain.

“When your mind perceives the experience of love, it causes the brain to secrete neurochemicals, such as dopamine, oxytocin and growth hormone into the blood (…) you are generally healthier and more alive when you are in love (…) fear provokes the release of stress hormones and inflammatory agents such as cytokines into the blood (…)” (Bruce Lipton, The Honeymoon Effect)

Love is not something we “get” or “fall into” when we are lucky or happen to just be cute and lovable. Love is an energy to embrace; it is a consciousness. It doesn’t just happen to us. We are co-creating it based on our core beliefs about ourselves and the world. If we have learned that we are lovable and worthy of experiencing love and joy, it is easier to vibrate at the level of love. Love is an experience but it is an action first and foremost.

dhebi-love-2a

Dhebi DeWitz

dhebi-love-2

Dhebi DeWitz

If you are going through life, waiting to feel love when you meet others, you have misunderstood the true essence of love. Love is a discipline; it requires us to personify love and to practice being loving with yourself and others.

In fact, an essential aspect is learning to unconditionally love ourselves. Many of us have been taught to give to others, to love others and to under no circumstances be so vain as to love ourselves. In Bruce Lipton’s workshops, 90% of people fail the muscle test “I love myself”. I can certainly confirm that from my own sessions. “I love and accept myself the way I am” is a belief most of us do not hold in our subconscious mind.

Instead, we hold back on truly loving ourselves until a certain condition is met. “I’ll love myself and my body when I have lost weight”, “I’ll love myself when I have reached my goals”, “I’ll love myself when somebody else truly loves me”. That conditioning completely misunderstands the true nature of love.

We exist as love. Children come into this world open, loving and unguarded, until they learn to protect themselves and guard their heart. Reconnecting with our true essence simply means reopening our heart to love. It means the end of loneliness and separation. Instead it fosters unity with others, with other people, with nature, with the source of life with all there is.

dhebi-love-4

Dhebi De Witz

dhebi-love-5

Dhebi De Witz

Self-Love is as misunderstood a term as love. Self-love isn’t just a verb. Self-Love is beyond taking care of yourself and doing things for yourself. Self-Love is knowing who you are and knowing you are made of love. Love is your original energy, your true essence.

How do you open your heart, you might wonder? How do you start loving yourself and others more? You create love by creating an atmosphere of love in your life. Seeing the beauty in yourself is as necessary as seeing the beauty in others. Your thoughts determine who and what you attract into your world. Allow yourself to see more of the joy and beauty of life that is surrounding you daily. Allow yourself to be at peace with what is, instead of criticizing and focusing on the lack in yourself and others.

You create this love by speaking kindly to the people you meet. You consciously look for the good and the positive in everyone. You tell people why you appreciate them. You listen from your heart to the words that others speak. You give yourself permission to be truly present with them. You build bridges to connect with others. By being loving—by being considerate in your thoughts, your words, and your actions—you are attracting more love into your life.

We are conditioned to believe that happiness and love comes only after we have found our ideal lover. This attitude limits our personal growth. Instead, decide to be truly happy right now, today. And because your sincere joy makes you more attractive, others find you lovable and want to be around you. Soon you begin to feel the joy, the lightness, and the laughter, that comes with love. You realize that love is more than a lover adoring us. Love is an open heart for everybody, including yourself. That kind of love is healing.

There are two basic human emotions. One is fear, the other is love. One cancels out the other. Fear impacts our ability to love. Love, on the other hand, heals all fear and chaos. Love is the solution to disease and pain, whether physical, emotional, mental or spiritual. Love is not just inside all of us. Love is the actual essence we fundamentally are. Therefore we are our own and other people’s healers. “Love is a healer because it undoes the basic problem of separation and also the basic fear of not being loveable. It restores our awareness of our Unconditional Self and our true nature. Love is, I believe, the solution to every problem.” (Robert Holden, Loveability)

Join Dhebi DeWitz and myself for another

FREE webinar on

Wednesday, February 8, 2017

at 5:00 p.m. PST or 8:00 p.m. EST.

TOPIC “Love”

E-mail either one of us to receive the link to join us live. You can also send us questions on the topic “Love” prior to Feb. 8.

Angelika

greendoorrelaxation@yahoo.ca

Watch Dhebi DeWitz beautiful video Love is your true nature

If you are enjoying my articles, you can follow Greendoor to receive an e-mail notification whenever I post a new blog. All you need to do is to click the “follow” button in the right-hand corner of your screen.

Huge Waves

A couple of days ago, when I got to the swimming pool for my morning workout, there was a lady in the change room I had never met before. She commented, “You just missed thunder guy!” I was puzzled, “Who or what is thunder guy?” “There is this guy who sounds like thunder when he swims.” she replied. Then she continued. “But Rachel (name changed) is still in the pool. You can enjoy all the waves she makes. She has been told by several of us but she still makes huge waves.” Then the lady continued to grumble about having to go out into the cold and snow.

A little confused about the “wave problem” I entered the pool area. There were two men and two women in the pool. I wondered which was Rachel as I could not see that either one of the ladies was creating an unreasonable amount of waves. One of them I had seen many times before. She always ambitiously swims laps for 30-40 minutes. Was that supposed to be her?

I eyed her waves. It had never before occurred to me to feel disturbed by her swimming style. Admittedly, her crawl wasn’t the smoothest but I wish I had her stamina. As I was suspiciously focusing on the waviness of the water, it suddenly dawned on me. I had almost fallen for one of these “naysayers”, one of those people who seem to be unhappy, dissatisfied, or even angry most of the time and cast gloom and disharmony over every situation.

people-who-always-seem-angry

It is easy to walk away when the negative person is a stranger at the pool or even a friend. We can minimize the contact or choose no contact at all. It is so much more challenging when the discontent or angry person is a family member. We might not be able to completely walk out on them; yet, we need to manage our energy around them carefully.

Anger is an interesting vibration; it is—under certain conditions—catching, like any other energy. A person’s big and happy laugh can be catching, so is anger. It all depends on our own frequency at a given time. It’s like two tuning forks. If an A tuning fork, vibrating at 440 Hz, comes close to another A tuning fork, the second A tuning fork begins to vibrate with it. If the A tuning fork comes close to another tuning fork which is tuned to a different frequency, nothing happens.

When someone comes into our field and vibrates at the level of anger, and we have some anger in us as well, we tend to respond like the A tuning fork. We either get angry at the person or angry with the person.

In general it feels much better to be angry with somebody instead of having somebody be angry at us, or us be angry at them. That’s how angry people manage to get others all riled up and on their side. Anger unites two or more people while it destroys the relationship with an outsider who has become the black sheep everybody is angry at. Knowing this, we have a third choice. We can choose to let go of our anger and not participate any longer in someone’s angry behaviour.

you-may-not-be-able-to-control

I have certainly had different moments of frustration in my life that made me feel angry. The more primitive parts of our brain, which have the function to keep us safe and which respond faster than the more advanced parts of our brain, sense danger—or in other words feel attacked—and we instinctively and instantly responded with anger.

Usually, there is something else underneath the anger, for example feeling unappreciated, sad, afraid or vulnerable. Our initial response is automatic. However, if we continue to feel angry beyond that initial response, we have made a choice; the choice to stay in this low vibration. We can get out of that vibration by examining what is really going on for us, making amends and apologizing to others who took the brunt of our anger, but most importantly by ensuring our needs are met in the future and our more vulnerable emotions are taken care of.

The same applies when the anger is brought to us. If we choose to listen to the angry person who is trying to get us to feel as angry as they are, the waves in the pool begin to seem huge. The world suddenly is filled with Thunder Guys and Rude Rachels. I don’t know about you, but I’d rather focus on how fortunate I am to even be swimming in the pool rather than how big the waves are and how rude the rest of the world seems to be.

 

Angelika, 905-286-9466, greendoorrelaxation@yahoo.ca

If you are enjoying my articles, you can follow Greendoor to receive an e-mail notification whenever I post a new blog. All you need to do is to click the “follow” button in the right-hand corner of your screen.

Oranges and Tobogganing

Did you know that December is one of the busiest times in hospitals? Not only do more health issues occur due to overeating, or injuries as a result of shoveling snow or slipping on ice, but many of the health issues are connected to stress and family dramas. The emotions are flying high: overwhelm, anger, sadness and grief, just to mention a few, are triggered, and our emotional state affects our physical health. Sadly, one of the stress factors is gift giving itself. It can be stressful to run around getting gifts for several people and to juggle the financial expenses which can put us over budget or even into debt.

On December 13, my friend Dhebi DeWitz and I offered a free webinar to address the emotions which are triggered at this time of the year. One of the questions that came in during the holiday webinar was how to handle receiving gifts from people and having to reciprocate when your budget is limited. That was such an excellent question!

Is it possible that we have forgotten what our holiday celebrations are about? Do our children really need a pile of toys? Or do they need family members who are present, who listen well and connect from the heart? And as far as gift giving is concerned, ask yourself for a moment what the best gift is that you have ever received. For me, a few homemade and personal gifts come to mind which really stood out: a well written and thoughtful card which told me how much I meant to somebody, or something self-made.

knitting-socks

There is a whole long list of things we could come up with to create meaningful gifts: baking, knitting, crocheting, stitching, sewing, jewellery making, drawing, painting, making soaps, and so on. I received a wonderful mix of bath salts for tired feet beautifully put together in a jar from a friend this year and I know there will be more self-made presents under the tree.

Gifts neither need to be expensive, nor complicated to make. It just needs to come from the heart. One of my daughters just gave her Christmas gift to her boyfriend. It’s a jar full of Hershey kisses; to each chocolate kiss she attached a note which tells him what’s wonderful about him.

One of my clients, a beautiful and conscious young woman who was born in Russia, shared with me how they had very little back home. The grown-ups felt grateful when they had the ingredients to bake a cake and to bring oranges home. She remembers going tobogganing with her siblings and friends. Winter holidays still mean oranges and tobogganing to her.

children_on_their_sleds_in_central_park_in_new_york_city

Have we perhaps fallen prey to the idea that our holiday celebrations need to be grand and extravagant? Have we forgotten what the magic of Christmas truly means?

Three years ago, a friend of mine, who is the amazing mom of a little son, posted on Facebook about her decision not to lie to her son that Santa exists. She was struggling with the concept of tricking children into believing a mystical figure is real, basically lying to our children when we are trying to teach them to be honest. She also had trouble—and I can empathize—with the concept of calling somebody “good” or “bad”, when really there is just an undesirable behaviour the child might display. Telling the truth—and not to potentially jeopardize a trusting relationship with her son—was more important to her than to fully join in the Santa tradition. She caused an avalanche of replies, some quite heated as everybody had an opinion on this.

A couple of weeks ago, I was asking my friend how she has handled this fine balance between not lying to her son while allowing for the magic of Christmas. She shared how their experience is different: her son does not make a long list of material things he wants. There is also no threatening him to behave well, or have presents taken away. Christmas feels fun and easy to her while other parents with young kids that she knows are more stressed about struggling to get what their child asked for to keep up the Santa myth. This year, she is planning to have one gift under the tree with no name on it to make it a fun mystery for her son who the present is from.

x-mas-gifts

So what exactly causes this magical holiday feeling and where does it come from? Is that feeling of hope and belief in goodness tied to Santa and extravagant gifts? Or is it the belief that everything is possible? The exciting feeling that there is magic? The unwavering conviction that life is a fantastic adventure full of amazing surprises? The deep trust that there is Love all around?

I grew up—and with me a whole nation of Germans—never believing in Santa. Christmas was still magical and exciting. It was a time of joy and surprises, a time for family and being present with each other. I remember my parents most of the time feeling pressure to be productive—my father at work, my mother as a homemaker—except for occasions like Christmas, when they actually sat down with us. We had a big winter scene puzzle with 200 pieces we would do many years in a row, or we would play one of the two family board games we had. I still remember how good it felt to do these activities together. On December 24, the Christmas tree was finally put up—with real candles on it, no less—and there was magic alone in the lit tree.

mandarines

Germans celebrate Nikolaus Day on December 6th which goes back to the same historical figure as Santa Claus: Nikolaus von Myra, who lived at the beginning of the 4th century. On the night of December 5th, children put their polished shoes out in front of the door. The next morning they are filled with treats, with oranges, nuts and chocolates, brought by “Nikolaus”. People might jokingly say that “baby Jesus brings the presents” on December 24 but even children know this is just an expression.

My older daughter, who was five when we came to North America, never believed in Santa. She played along for the other children her age, but actually felt proud to know the truth and to be treated like an adult. Growing up in a multicultural environment made it easier to not be a Santa believer. However, she certainly completely gets what the spirit of Christmas is all about. She is one of the most giving, caring and non-materialistic people I know.

Santa is a mythical representation of a spirit we want to encourage: generous giving and love. At Christmas we can open up to feeling that Love is all around. And life IS a fantastic adventure full of amazing surprises. We can experience that excitement at any age. We are not slaves to our feelings. At any given time, we can change our perspective and decide to feel and live the magic of Christmas, simply with oranges and tobogganing, or our own personal versions thereof.

happy-holidays

If you are enjoying my articles, you can follow Greendoor to receive an e-mail notification whenever I post a new blog. All you need to do is to click the “follow” button in the right-hand corner of your screen.

Angelika, Belief Change Coach & Workshop Facilitator

905-286-9466, greendoorrelaxation@yahoo.ca

What Not To Say When Others Are Grieving

I was 19 years old when I was faced for the first time with not knowing what to say when somebody has lost a family member. I had a one room apartment in the city in which I was attending university. At the beginning of the month, I used to go downstairs to the landlord’s apartment to pay the rent. A week prior, my landlord had been admitted to hospital. As I was paying my December rent that year, I casually asked if he was feeling better. His wife replied that he had died. For a moment, I was speechless. It felt like kicking myself for asking her. Then I must have managed to stutter some words of condolence, but feeling extremely ill-equipped for this situation. I know I wasn’t alone with this feeling of not knowing how to speak words of real comfort. Unfortunately, nobody teaches us what to say or do when loss occurs.

When I returned to my apartment, I wondered who to call and to ask for advice. My mom, who had lost her own mother when she was young, broke out in tears each time anybody spoke about death. Today, I know she carried around a lot of unresolved grief. So I decided to call my grandmother instead. She was close to 80 at that time, and had experienced many losses during her life. She told me she always made sure she had a bunch of fresh flowers in a vase next to the picture of my late grandfather. She suggested to do the same for my landlady, to buy her flowers. She also recommended to check if I could help by getting groceries or do other errands for her.

flowers-white-roses

My landlady and her husband did not seem to have a very loving relationship; in fact, I often wondered if he physically and emotionally abused her. I didn’t want to assume that she would put up a picture of her husband with flowers next to it, yet this seemed better than any words I could think of.

In fact, there are several things which are particularly unhelpful to the grieving person.

  • “Don’t cry”, “don’t be sad”, “don’t feel bad” and so on denies the grieving person to have their own feelings.
  • “Time heals all wounds” or “just give it time”. Time itself does not heal. It is what we do with that time that will help us complete the pain caused by the loss.
  • Comments in regards to the person’s age: “He had a long life” or “Be grateful you had her for so long”. No matter how old our loved one was, we have a right to miss them.

img_2525

  • “You can have more children” or “be thankful you have another son” or “you are still young, you can get married again”. How can we possibly compare one loved one to another, or substitute one child or partner with another? The loss is always experienced at a 100%.
  • Comments of a religious nature, like “she is in heaven / in a better place” or “God will never give you more than you can handle”. No matter what my beliefs of an afterlife are, whether my loved one is in a better place or not has nothing to do with the loss I am experiencing. “God gave me this challenge because I can handle it” translates to “I have to be strong”. offer-to-do-laundry

  • “You have to be strong for…” or “the living must go on”. Instead of allowing ourselves to feel and to grieve, we are asked to suppress our feelings.
  • “I know how you feel”. All relationships are unique. Even if you and the grieving person for example have both lost your mother, your relationship with your mother was unique and completely different than his or hers. This also applies when you are experiencing the loss of the same person. You both had an individual and very different relationship to the dead person.
  • “You have to keep busy now” or “you must stay active”. Keeping busy buries the painful feelings while you distract yourself with activities, but at the end of the day the pain is exactly the same.

You might now wonder what is left that is actually helpful to say to a grieving person. The unhelpful comments originate from feeling uncomfortable with another person’s emotions. Remind yourself that it is okay to feel unpleasant feelings. You do not need to “fix” anything, you just need to be present. It can also be very healing to cry. Here are a few suggestions:

  • If you know the person well enough you might want to offer them a hug. But be very sensitive whether this physical approach is welcome or not. Not everybody likes hugs.
  • Understand that people express grief differently. Don’t expect to see particular stages of grief. Some people might feel more emotional including angry. Others might withdraw because they have learned to grieve alone. Others might act as if they are just fine. Listen without judgment to their feelings.
  • A better alternative to “I know how you feel” is “I can’t imagine how you must feel” and then allow the griever to share how they actually feel.

grieving-people-hands

  • Listen. Listen. And don’t rush to hand over the Kleenex to stop the crying when the tears are flowing. Allow the grieving person to feel what they are feeling and to talk about the person they have lost and about their relationship. Hold a loving space. Refrain from making comments about yourself and your losses, or rushing the person to feel better. Be like a heart with big ears. There is nothing to do but to actively listen. Active listening means responding with facial expressions and sounds while you allow the other person to fully express their loss experience, including crying.
  • Every day tasks can be overwhelming when the grief is fresh. Lend a helping hand. Get groceries, cook food, do the laundry, do the gardening, walk the dog or take care of the little children.

Holiday celebrations are coming up and with them come unresolved grief. This time of the year can trigger great sadness for people. We might not be able to be with a wonderful loving family, because some of our beloved family members have passed on. So this can be a time of feeling loneliness and the pain of a loss.

That applies whether our family members have died or whether we have been estranged with them. You might also be of service to friends or family members when they are grieving an estrangement with somebody. Listen, non-judgmentally, to how they are feeling. You don’t need to fix it. It is also not at all helpful to commiserate with them and tell them what an awful person the family member they are missing was and that they are better off without him or her.

Some family members have brought so much toxicity into our lives that we had to opt for no contact with them, for example in the case of a narcissistic personality disorder or addictions. However, even though we might have made that choice for our own peace and well-being, we can still grieve that the relationship wasn’t “better, more or different”.

John W. James and Russell Friedman offer a way to achieve completion of all loss relationships with their grief recovery program. It’s an excellent program for death, divorce and over 40 other losses.

 

For individual sessions contact Angelika

Certified Grief Specialist, Belief Change Coach and Workshop Facilitator

905-286-9466

greendoorrelaxation@yahoo.ca

If you are enjoying my articles, you can follow Greendoor to receive an e-mail notification whenever I post a new blog. All you need to do is to click the “follow” button in the right-hand corner of your screen.

Tuning into Other People’s Energy

We often have a hard time accepting that which we do not understand. Any form of energy healing or healing over distance is not easy to comprehend intellectually. Yet, quantum science has given us the scientific background for those hard-to-explain phenomena which we cannot detect with our physical eyes.

In order to explain what energy is and how we can tune into other people’s energy to do healing work for them, I have to begin with the discoveries of quantum physics that energy and matter are really just two different forms of the same material. Given the correct conditions, matter can be converted to energy and energy can be converted to matter. That is, the energy can be experienced as a wave in an undefined, unbounded or non-localized form, extending to infinity. Or, it can be experienced as a particle, localized with a defined physical shape.

The double slit experiment revealed that the questions of what is matter and what is energy are not easy to answer. Matter creates a certain pattern. When you shoot matter through one slit, it creates one line, when you shoot it through two slits it creates two parallel lines. A wave sent through two slits, however, creates an interference pattern. When you take an electron, a tiny particle which is therefore—by definition—matter, and you shoot it through one slit, it behaves like matter and creates one line. When you shoot it through two slits, it surprisingly creates an interference pattern like a wave.

But it gets even stranger! When you add an observer into the equation, the electron behaves like matter, even when it goes through two slits! The act of observing the electron changes whether it shows up as localized matter or non-localized, as a wave or energy extending out to infinity. The electron seems to be aware that it is being watched. The observer collapses the wave function simply by observing.

Click on the link to watch a 6 minute clip from the movie “What the Bleep Do We Know?” about the double slit experiment.

Every day, we are creating our reality by localizing or non-localizing our energy. We do this through our observation or perspective. We localize our energy into a given physical experience through our focused attention. What you give energy to manifests. It does not matter whether we give it energy in a positive way, focusing on what we want, or in a negative way, worrying or complaining about what we do not want. The creative life force energy follows attention and localizes the experience we have been focusing on.

To understand how energy connections work, we also need to know that two electrons created together are entangled. If we take one of of those two electrons to the other end of the world and we manipulate one of them, the other one responds instantly. This either means that information would have to travel infinitely fast, faster than light, or that the they are still entangled. By extension, because every electron that exists in our world today was entangled at the moment of the big bang, everything and everybody is still connected!

Space gives the illusion that everything is separate. But this is just an illusion. In reality, the energy that makes up an object or a person is in multiple places at once. Objects can be in multiple locations simultaneously before detection. Once an object has been observed or has been detected, it shows up in one place only. By observing it, we are calling it into one location.

We are, of course, made up by our atoms, our individual cells and so on. However, the deepest and most fundamental truth is that at the sub-nuclear level, we are all one. This invisible connection between everything is called entanglement. Einstein called it “spukhafte Fernwirkung” or “spooky action at a distance”. The results of entanglement appear to be “spooky” because we can’t see with or eyes that two places in space are co-located or co-existing.

Dean Radin, who examined para-psychological phenomena, explains it like this: “You head is here but also spread out through space and time. My head and the other person’s head are co-located.” What gives us the ability to connect with the other person is our intention. According to Radin, our entanglement manifests through phenomena like telepathy, clairvoyance, precognition, psychokinesis and distance healing. These phenomena seem to either transcendent the illusion of separation, of time, or of space.

“We swim in a field of light” (Lynne Taggart) which connects us all. This field is also called the zero-point field. We are always connected and the illusion of separation creates many problems in today’s world. We all exist in that field. Our body is a localized energy that exists at a given location but at the same time it has a portion that permeates all of reality and is capable of sensing all of reality.

We are usually trained to primarily sense the physical reality. To recognize and utilize the wave nature of our body, we need to understand and accept that our body is just like the antenna of a radio or a TV, which senses the electromagnetic signals. From the electromagnetic energy, the sound we hear or the picture that we see is produced. Our body is similar to an antenna on a radio or TV; a piece of metal that is sensitive to energy waves in the air. If waves are present, the antenna vibrates, but only by tuning the receiver you can transform the vibration in the antenna to a sound that you can hear or a picture that you can see. The antenna continues to vibrate whether or not one turns the receiver on. However, without the receiver the antenna is useless.

tv-antenna

How we focus our awareness and attention is how we “tune in” and “change” channels from one frequency to another. I might for example usually be tuned into 96.7 Angelika FM and that is what I download daily. But by intention and permission, I can focus on downloading and bringing in 88.5 Ben FM or 69.3 Sparky the dog AM.

This process creates a link-up between a stand-in and the unified consciousness of an individual or a group. There is no way to abuse this process because the Higher Wisdom of both parties, of the stand-in and of the person being channeled, must agree to begin and continue this connection. Your intention needs to be pure as opposed to imposing your will on another person. If you have an agenda and the work is not in the highest degree of integrity and in line with the highest wisdom and benefit for the participants, the link-up will not work or it will de-link.

What we have learned and been taught, as well as the experiences we have had, determines how we have been trained or not trained to use this antenna. Our antenna is always sensing the energy of our environment and continually relays that information to the brain, but as physical beings, we filter most of it out so we can have the experience of being human. Our powerful subconscious mind picks up everything that is going on, but the conscious mind can only process a very small percentage of that input. If we were consciously aware of all that we can sense, we would not perceive the separation that is required to live as a human.

Our subconscious uses body feelings, images and thoughts that we can understand symbolically or literally. All of the signals the body senses are picked up by the subconscious mind and it can present to our conscious mind images, thoughts or a “knowing”, because something just “popped into our mind”. The origin of that information is the unified field of consciousness.

However, if we are too busy thinking of other things or if we have learned to ignore and judge these messages, then we will miss the information that is being communicated to us. We have to be listening and “tuning in” to receive the information from the unified field and the subconscious mind.

Angelika

Belief Change Coach and Workshop Facilitator

905-286-9466

greendoorrelaxation@yahoo.ca

If you are enjoying my articles, you can follow Greendoor to receive an e-mail notification whenever I post a new blog. All you need to do is to click the “follow” button in the right-hand corner of your screen.

What happened? Collective Shadows

This morning, I woke up to a lot of grief and disbelief shared on my Facebook feed about the results of the election. The shock and sadness echoed my own feelings of grief. There were also the voices of my spiritual friends reminding us not to give the hatred more power by going into fear, but to remember the spiritual truth of who we are and to embody love and light.

One of the questions asked over and over again was “why?” and “how could this happen?” We mustn’t forget that what we manifest originates from our subconscious mind, from our beliefs, our suppressed fears and our disowned energies, also called our shadows. The collective unconscious of a whole nation, perhaps even of the whole world, has ultimately co-created the outcome of these elections.

iceberg

The collective unconscious in Jungian psychology is “the part of the unconscious mind that is derived from ancestral memory and experience and is common to all humankind.” So the question would have to be, what shadows have been pushed underground, what fears and impulses have been disowned for one politician to represent all those energies?

Quantum physics teaches us that electrons which are created together are entangled. They are always connected and influencing each other. Since the big bang, we have all been connected on the level of our smallest particles. Or, in other words, we are connected through the collective unconscious mind and as each part of this mind, we carry responsibility. If what has been created is not what we would like to see, let’s move forward to create something different.

We cannot fight hatred with hatred, the only thing which allows us to move out of the low vibrational energy of hate, anger and fear is Love. Love is a clear movement towards unity. Love and light illuminate the darkness. Love heals all chaos. Chaos is a normal part of every change. Before we can emerge to create something new, there naturally is a time of unsettlement and chaos. No matter whether we welcome the change or fear it, the only thing we can count on is change. With change often comes loss. Loss is inevitable just like change itself.

When we experience a loss, for example the loss of security, or when we anticipate a loss, like the loss of human rights, grief is a natural response. This grief needs to be acknowledged, felt and processed. Only when we have taken the time to do that can we truly remember that we have choices to create something better, something new.

It is up to each and every one of us, no matter whether we had a direct vote in this election or not, to create a world free of hatred, judgment and oppression. Together we can change the collective unconscious by starting to love ourselves with all our fears and impulses and to begin to make conscious choices for freedom and equal rights for everybody, for unity and for love.

one-candle-lights-another

If you are enjoying my articles, you can follow Greendoor to receive an e-mail notification whenever I post a new blog. All you need to do is to click the “follow” button in the right-hand corner of your screen.

 

The Effects of an Attitude of Gratitude

Have you ever heard somebody say “You should be grateful for…”? How did that feel? Was that an invitation to even consider shifting into an attitude of gratitude?

Growing up as a child, gratitude got a “bad rap” for me. Gratitude went into my shadow for a while because I could not relate to it. My parents’ and grandparents’ experience came from lack. Some very essential ingredients were missing when they referred to gratitude with that disapproving voice. They completely missed the joy, the magic, and the wonder that is to be found in gratitude. When they referred to gratitude it came from the head instead of the heart, it came from fear to have to experience lack again, instead of knowing the universe as abundant. Instead of teaching true gratitude by their example, they preached gratitude and judged what they perceived as “ungrateful”.

When I moved from Europe to Canada, Thanksgiving became one of my favourite times of the year. I loved teaching my children about giving thanks and seeing their brains process the information of abundance. Their eyes lit up and their creative little minds joyfully came up with more magical and wonderful things that had manifested and were reasons for thankfulness.

What actually happens when we focus on all our blessings? Quantum physics has taught us that we affect and create change by what we observe. We literally modify the molecules that make up our physical world. As we are focusing our attention on all we have in abundance and give thanks for everything, for what we really enjoy but also for everything we like less, we are affecting our reality.

We are happier, we are healthier and we are able to perceive opportunities and more abundance. Complaining inhibits our brain from properly processing information. Our perceptive filters prevent us from seeing what we are looking for. We only see the print-out in the physical world of our past fears and worries. Complaining creates interference. Instead of using our ability to create with clear focus what we actually want, we are creating blocks and are getting ourselves stuck.

gratitude-james-mellon_-cement

What we complain about expands. Complaining brings on more of what we are complaining about. We always have the choice. We can focus on gratitude or on complaining. We are creating either way.

Gratitude is not something we do but who we become as we focus on our riches. Gratitude is a powerful magnet. It is expansive. Complaining, worrying and “should-ing” are constrictive. They create statics in the infinite field of possibilities. An attitude of unhappiness and dissatisfaction keeps us away from our good. “You should be grateful” is counterproductive. Saying “yes” to life means working in resonance with the field of possibilities.

 

gratitude-e-tolle_always-say-yes

In today’s globalization, we are being sold a hostile world everywhere. Our fear driven amygdala kicks in and buys into the illusion of separation, of living in a “dog-eat-dog” world. We feel small, unsafe and shift into “fight mode”. From that fear, ideas of greed, envy and competition are born.

During the Shadow Energetics workshop, we begin one morning with a deep meditation called “Being State Meditation” which my friend Darryl Gurney created. The purpose of that meditation is to experience ourselves as different from form, independent of the many roles we all play, of experiencing ourselves as true essence. Once we have had that taste of being more than our physical body and being connected with everything and everybody it has to reflect our choices. We realize the responsibility we all carry for the entire system we are all part of.

Everything is connected. Just like the five fingers of my hand are all connected, each of us is an integral part of one living system; we live as such, breathe as such, thrive as such. Everything I do affects everything else. We affect and change everything, even just by observing and thinking, not to mention by what we say and do. When we apply our beliefs, fears and opinions to the world, we shape the world. If we buy into hostility and danger, we create more violence and aggression. If our commodities are love, compassion and forgiveness, we contribute to healing the planet.

Experiments with the Transcendental Meditation® technique has shown that only one square root of 1% of a population practicing unconditional love and true peace, results in measurable improvements away from fear, crime, aggression and violence, to lower crime rates, less violence, cooperation and group thinking.

gratitude-pam-grout

“… By choosing to add energy to the resonant field of gratitude and joy, you can fundamentally change the world… you don’t have to march for peace (although you may want to)… You can enlarge the conversation by taking your focus off the negative and noticing all the things that are going right, taking a stand for goodness of humanity.” (Pam Grout)

What we choose to focus on manifests. My mind creates my experience, not the other way around! Therefore, it is my responsibility to see a friendly Universe. It is my essential contribution to making this planet the beautiful, safe and loving place it can be.

thanksgiving-happy-thanksgiving-2

If you are enjoying my articles, you can follow Greendoor to receive an e-mail notification whenever I post a new blog. All you need to do is to click the “follow” button in the right-hand corner of your screen.

Angelika Baum

Belief Change Coach and Workshop Instructor

905-286-9466, greendoorrelaxation@yahoo.ca

Our Heart at Peace Vs our Heart at War

 

 

IMG_4711

 

Flying on a low cost European flight carrier, which shall be left unnamed, I overheard a peculiar interaction between a flight attendant and a passenger in German. This passenger boarded the plane as one of the last people. When wanting to store his rather shabby and small carry-on in one of the overhead bins, he found they were all quite full. A young male flight attendant who was standing in a row and watching the passenger, gave the sloppy dressed attire of the passenger a once over. Instead of assisting him, he merely commented, “If there is no room overhead, your bag needs to be put under the seat.”

The gentleman, being older and somewhat overweight, struggled to bend down to push his carry on under the seat in front of him. His head turned red and he started to breathe heavily. The flight attendant sighed and reluctantly offered, “Or shall I see if there is still room in the back?” The man nodded. “You need to move over then to let me out,” responded the flight attendant

At that point, I noticed the woman next to me raise her eyebrow. I figured she was thinking the same thing I was, “What a rude tone for somebody in the service industry.” The gentleman moved a few steps to the side to let the flight attendant step out of the row. The reaction from the member of the crew was by no means a “thank you. Instead he said, “Not that way. I still can’t get through. I have to get to the back of the plane.”

Now this gentleman was extremely patient and stoic. He did not take offence to the tone or the words which were both clearly out of line, even considering that Germans can often be utterly unfriendly. It is not hard to imagine how with a different passenger this same conversation could have escalated into an unpleasant altercation. This flight attendant could have helped the passenger with a friendlier and more polite tone, but he obviously perceived the gentleman as a nuisance. He saw him as an irritating obstacle rather than another human.

So what exactly causes the start or the escalation of a conflict? It is not so much the actions we take that invite war, but the way we are while taking them. Is the other person an annoyance to us or can we relate to them with compassion and kindness? The same action can be performed from a heart at peace or a heart at war. Interacting with others with a heart at war is likely to provoke a defensive reaction or create or prolong a conflict.

Way of Being

There are two ways of seeing others: as objects, which leads to a heart at war or as persons, which leads to a heart at peace.

When we see others as persons it is because we recognize that their flaws and qualities are also ours. Everything which is in the world is also inside of us. The flight attendant at present might be young, slim, fit, healthy, financially well-off and very competent in regards to traveling but one day he might be in the place of this gentleman and require help. When we see others as persons, we also see that their desires, hopes, doubts and concerns are just like ours. Their cares and concerns matter to us. We have enough awareness to understand that what we judge in them are our own shadows. I can only speculate what prompted the crew member to act this way. Was he judgmental of the unkempt appearance, the weight, the lateness of the passenger, his clumsiness or the fact that this gentleman sat in one of the low fare seats on the plane (as opposed to getting food and other preferred customer treatment paying a somewhat higher fee)?

We see people as objects when we “de-personalize” them, for example when we reduce them to a category (a Poor Person), to a role (a Passenger), or to a quality (Difficult or Incapable). There are three ways of seeing a person as object: as an obstacle (“This passenger is making my job more difficult”), as a vehicle (“This Client will sign the contract and make me rich”), or as an irrelevancy (“I never bother talking to people who are dressed this way”). We are in a “them versus us” or “me versus him/her” dynamic.

What determines which way we see someone? We can simply choose to see someone as a person rather than as an object. We can choose to focus on what we have in common instead of separating ourselves through judgment.

When we are following a way of being that is counter to our own sense of humanity, we usually justify our self-betrayal. The other person who we don’t treat with kindness and compassion becomes an object of blame, and we begin to see everything about him in a “crooked way”. This is the seed of war; our need for justification distorts our perception of reality.

The perceptual box the flight attendant most likely was stuck in can be described as the “better than box”. From that box we feel we are superior. We see the other person as inferior, irrelevant, incapable or wrong. We treat them with disdain, indifference or impatience. We choose to feel superior or “right” over being at peace.

POSTER Boxes

According to the Arbinger Institute, there are three other perceptual boxes we get stuck in when we interact with others from a heart at war. Sometimes we choose to feel like the victim, mistreated or unappreciated. That puts us into box two, the “I deserve” box.

Or we might have a tendency to need to be seen in a positive way (for example helpful, competent or a “good” parent/child/friend/boss and so on). From that need to be seen a certain way, we might end up sacrificing our own needs and interacting with others from an unauthentic place. That place breeds resentment underneath the surface of being such a “good” person.

A fourth box is the one which makes us feel less or worse than others. When we feel broken or deficient, we perceive others as advantaged or privileged. That results in us getting stuck in feelings of helplessness, bitterness, jealousy or depression. The entire world seems to be against us; life appears to be hard and difficult for us.

We all have a tendency to slip into one or two of these boxes in different situations. We are not in a box all the time. In some relationships we might be in a box, while at the same time we are out of the box in other relationships.

To get out of the box and to stay out of it, we first need to recognize the signs of blame, justification, horribilization, and those four common box styles. Am I blaming others for a conflict we have, am I justifying my own actions, have I made the other people worse than they really are? Do I have a need to be right and make the other party wrong as a consequence of feeling superior, inferior, victimized or needing to be seen a certain way?

“The more sure I am that I’m right, the more likely I will actually be mistaken. My need to be right makes it more likely that I will be wrong! Likewise, the more sure I am that I am mistreated, the more likely I am to miss ways that I am mistreating others myself. My need for justification obscures the truth.”

— The Arbinger Institute

We also need to find an out of the box place, for example a memory with that person or group I am judging or have horribilized, that helps me to see the relationship or situation differently. If I have horribilized my sibling/my boss/my step-mother and so on, do I have a positive memory of him or her? If I have horribilized a group of people (“all men”, “all Muslims”) do I have a different experience with one of them that helps me get out of that perspective?

When I have found that out of the box place I need to re-examine the situation anew, asking myself

  • What are this person’s or this group’s challenges, emotional wounds or burdens?
  • How am I, or some group of which I am a part, adding to these challenges, wounds or burdens?
  • In what other ways have I or my group neglected or mistreated this person or group or made them feel unappreciated and unwanted?
  • In what ways are my Better-Than, I-Deserve, Worse-Than, and Must-Be-Seen-As boxes clouding my perception of others and myself and interfering with potential solutions?
  • What do I feel I should do for this person or group? Is there an action I could perform to shift the relationship?

 

In the workshop “Them Versus Us” we will examine where in our lives we are stuck in a them-versus-us dynamic and how to shift out of the boxes we might be in.

Join us for “Them Versus Us” on September 11, 2016 or on September 10, 2017 from 10:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m.

Angelika Baum, 905-286-9466, greendoorrelaxation@yahoo.ca

 

If you are enjoying my articles, you can follow Greendoor to receive an e-mail notification whenever I post a new blog. All you need to do is to click the “follow” button in the right-hand corner of your screen.

Tears Are the Pearls That Heal the Soul

A lovely elderly relative of ours asked me this summer, “Have you ever noticed that tears taste different whether you are crying tears of sorrow, happiness or because you are cutting an onion?” I hadn’t, but my curiosity sure was aroused. It turns out the chemical composition of tears is very different depending on the tear type.

Tears are mainly composed of water, salts, antibodies and antibacterial enzymes. There are three major types of tears: basal tears (lubrication and protection of the eye), reflex tears (triggered by irritants), and emotional or psychic tears (triggered by emotions). Emotional tears contain more protein-based hormones, including leucine enkephalin, a natural pain killer. This pain killer is responsible for making us feel better after we have “a good cry”.

Tears are the pearls

Dr. Masaru Emoto has shown with his crystallized water experiments that positive emotions like love, support and peace form beautiful harmonic crystals, while negative emotions like hate, loneliness and war result in distorted water crystals. Tears also have very different molecular structure depending on the emotion contained in it and thus look different under a microscope.

As Dr. Emoto’s famous experiments have shown, water retains an imprint of the emotions and information it’s been exposed to. Water has the capability of memory, if you so like. That applies to the water in our seas, rivers, and lakes, to the rain falling down on us, to the water we drink and of course also to our tears. Through tears of sadness, disappointment, shame, guilt or anger we can release lower frequencies or emotions. Tears of laughter contain the information of joy and happiness.

In a project called “Topography of Tears,” photographer Rose-Lynn Fisher examined what tears look like under a microscope. Over the course of several years, she examined more than 100 tears, crystallized as salt. Different types of tears have a distinct different molecular structure. Even psychic or emotional tears with the same chemical composition look very different. The tears that happen from hard laughter aren’t even close to the tears of sorrow. For images of the tears go to http://www.rose-lynnfisher.com/tears.html

What happens usually—at least in our North American culture—when somebody feels tears welling up? They feel embarrassed, they might even apologize and we are quick to hand them a Kleenex to stop the flow of tears.

Our body is incredibly smart and allows us the chemical release which we need when we are feeling grief and sadness. Moreover, energy follows water. So any energy and tension we are holding due to a trauma or an experience of sorrow can be released with the tears.

The ancient fairy tales by the Brother’s Grimm and Hans Christian Anderson, as well as folktales from all over the world tell us about the healing ability of our tears.

Rapunzel 3

In the Brother’s Grimm tale of Rapunzel, her tears heal the eyes of the prince she loves after he is blinded. Don’t our tears often have the same effect? We cry in sorrow about an experience, completely blind to how we might find a “happy ending”. After the release of a good cry and a good night’s sleep, the world usually looks completely different. Our blindness to the beauty and happiness is—at least partially—lifted.

In “The Little Mermaid”, Hans Christian Andersen states: “But a mermaid has no tears, and therefore she suffers so much more.” Indeed, without the ability or opportunity to cry, we need to hold our suffering in. Crying is beneficial to health and mental well-being. Our leucine enkephalin and endorphin-filled tears are there to help us release stress and to stabilise our mood. They also act as a signal to those around us that we may be in need of somebody’s loving and empathetic presence.

So next time somebody starts to cry, don’t be so quick with the box of tissues but assure them it is okay to cry and then just hold a loving space for them while their body does what it knows best to do. After all, our tears are the pearls that heal our soul.

 

If you are enjoying my articles, you can follow Greendoor to receive an e-mail notification whenever I post a new blog. All you need to do is to click the “follow” button in the right-hand corner of your screen.

Based on the fact that water holds vibrations and that our body is mostly water, Stephen Pollitt has created his healing Source Energy Medicine labels which you can download for free from his website, donations welcome.

If you are looking for a Source Energy Medicine practitioner or Source Energy Medicine workshops in Canada, please contact my friend Fern Wolf.

Let’s look at one another

Our Town

These are one of the last lines the character Emily from the play “Our Town” by Thornton Wilder says in the last act, after she has crossed over to the world of the non-living.

“Our Town”, written in 1938 and set at the turn of the century, is the second most performed show in North America and one of my favourite plays. It is currently playing in Niagara-on-the-Lake. Even though I have seen it unfold in different artistic versions many times over the last 40 years, it still gets to me each time; it touches me deeply and makes me reach for a Kleenex because it so beautifully captures the simple truth.

In the third and final act, Emily, who has just died in childbirth, misses life and wants to go back to relive a day. The other souls who have crossed over long ago urge her not to do it, but she has to experience this for herself. She chooses to go back to her twelfth birthday, when all her family was still together. It strikes her how young her parents look and that her brother is still alive. They all go about their mundane lives with ignorance for what the future brings. Going back with the awareness Emily now has, she can’t bear how they are not looking at each other, not really, how they are not quite present to the beauty and sacredness of each moment.

Her soul cries out: “Oh, Mama, just look at me one minute as though you really saw me. Mama, fourteen years have gone by. I’m dead, you are a grandmother, Mama. I married George Gibbs, Mama. Wally’s dead too. Mama, his appendix burst on a camping trip to North Conway. We felt just terrible about it—don’t you remember? But just for a moment now we’re all together. Mama, just for a moment we’re happy. Let’s look at one another.”

No matter whether we live in a small town in New Hampshire at the turn of the century, or in a big city in present day North America, how often do we actually stop and look at each other? Really look into each others timeless souls? We always have this “to do” list; we are caught up in one thing or another. When do we make time to just be; to see, hear, smell and feel each moment with each other? How often do we realize in all those ordinary moments the extraordinary fact of being alive?

Charlie Gallant as George Gibbs, Kate Besworth as Emily, Patrick Galligan as Dr. Gibbs, Catherine McGregor as Mrs. Gibbs and Benedict Campbell as the narrator/Stage Manager

As Shaw Director Molly Smith writes in her Director’s notes about the play, “There are so many reasons why Our Town is one of the greatest American plays. It’s plainspoken and is a deep meditation on love, family, marriage and death.”

What if we created more meditative moments with those we love, with our partners, our parents and our children, and even with a stranger on the street, to really see and know each other at a heart level? It takes awareness and courage to do that. The courage to stop running for a while towards some imaginary goal, the courage to drop meaningless conversations about material belongings in exchange for deeper communications, and most of all, it takes listening; really listening from your heart, allowing yourself to be fully interested in the other person.

 

If you enjoy my posts, you can follow Greendoor to receive an e-mail notification whenever I post a new blog. All you need to do is to click the “follow” button in the right-hand corner of your screen.

 

Knowing Our Sensitivities and Vulnerabilities

 

Sometimes, when you’re feeling your lowest, the real you is summoned. And you understand, maybe for the first time ever, how grand you are, because you discover that vulnerable doesn’t mean powerless, scared doesn’t mean lacking in beauty, and uncertainty doesn’t mean that you’re lost. These realizations alone will set you on a journey that will take you far beyond what you used to think of as extraordinary. There is always a bright side,

– The Universe (Mike Dooley)

 

During the first three weeks of my broken ankles, my life narrowed down first to the four walls of my bedroom and then to the house itself. For the next four weeks, I was working from the wheelchair, teaching from the wheelchair, doing an Expo from the wheelchair and going out in the wheelchair, experiencing life from a totally different perspective. Every step took planning ahead and a normally small errand turned into a big excursion. Being a physically less-able person is quite a different experience.

On these wheelchair outings, I have experienced how what supposedly is wheelchair accessible is not always so. Even more interesting to observe, was how people responded to the wheelchair. Some people were very nice, others treated me like a nuisance, but the majority of people were plain awkward. Most people did not look at me. I could feel how they were quickly scanning me and the wheelchair, and then they were looking away, looking over me, or even addressing the person pushing my wheelchair rather than me.

Wheel Chair Silouette

 Why is that, I have wondered? Do we not learn how to appropriately interact with somebody who is different? Have I done the same, looked away, in the past without being aware of it? It is understandable that we do not want to stare at somebody in a wheelchair, yet, is it better to make them feel invisible and incapable?

What I came to truly appreciate—it was literally like a ray of sunshine in every outing—was the occasional stranger who actually looked me into the face, smiled at me or even said “hi”. I have never felt such warmth before when I was walking on my own two legs, from a simple friendly acknowledgment.

When people have expressed their sympathy for me over the last seven weeks, I usually replied that there have been many gifts and great learning in the experience of having two badly injured feet. One gift is deep gratitude for what we usually take for granted, another one is slowing down and being present and a third one is the experience that nothing can stop you from what you feel passionate about. It has been empowering to figure out my everyday life and continue to work and teach.

One particular gift I haven’t really written about that much are my vulnerable moments and what we learn about ourselves and our relationships during those moments of vulnerability. Being completely helpless for a while has brought great clarity for myself and my family about my areas of vulnerability. Some family members knew exactly what tone to use and what to say to help me relax into the new situation and to make me feel loved and taken care of. When we examine our moments of sensitivity closer, clear patterns emerge.

“If we really boil our issues down to their essence, I’m willing to bet most of us will be able to identify only three or four with the power to make us feel bad.” (Stan Tatkin, Wired for Love)

IMAG0926 cropped

Stan Tatkin lists eight common vulnerabilities depending on our attachment style:

  • feeling intruded upon
  • feeling trapped, out of control
  • fear of too much intimacy
  • fear of being blamed
  • fear of being abandoned
  • fear of being separated
  • discomfort at being alone
  •  feeling you are a burden

When we know our vulnerabilities and what makes us feel unsafe and also what triggers our loved one’s fears and primal fight, flight or freeze response, we can truly help and support each other. Instead of setting those instinctive responses off, we can say or do something that helps the other person feel safe.

You can do an exercise to figure out in which way you tend to feel vulnerable:

  1. Sit down and think of past issues which have deeply affected you from as early as you can remember. If you have experienced abandonment in some form in childhood, perhaps a parent or other important person died or left, this could be one of your vulnerabilities.
  2. Recall more recent incidents when you felt angry, depressed or upset. What was the situation or issue that caused those feelings?
  3. When you have completed your list, look for commonalities between those situations. You might find they all fit into three or four different categories. For example, did you ask your partner to do something and he or she responded with a sigh and rolled eyes to your request? Did you have a conversation with your sister-in-law about your special food requirements for a family dinner and she reacted in a snippy way? Both situations could fall under the category of feeling like a burden.
  4. Once you have figured out your own main categories of sensitivities and vulnerabilities, do the same for your partner. Then share with him or her.
  5. Commit to being aware of each others triggers and supporting the other in feeling safer by saying what they need to hear or doing what calms them. Perhaps your partner needs touch or eye contact, perhaps he or she needs a certain tone of your voice or particular affirmations like “I am here for you” or “We will solve this problem together” or “How about we do this or that to make you feel safer?”

Of all the gifts the accident and injury had for me, the best gift is probably the reminder of how I am “wired” and how my partner is “wired”. The vulnerable moments brought, and continue to bring, a greater conscious awareness of how we can make each other feel secure in any situation in life.
Couple bubble quote

The secret of keeping each other safe lies in understanding what past experiences predetermine us to be vulnerable in a certain way and in establishing a strong “couple bubble” as a safe space. A couple bubble implies guarantees and agreements like:

  • I will never leave you.
  • I will never frighten you purposely.
  • When you are in distressed, I will relieve you, even if I’m the one who is causing the distress.
  • Our relationship is more important than my need to be right, your performance, your appearance, what other people think or want, or any other competing value.
  • You will be the first to hear about anything and not the second, third, or fourth person I tell.

 

If you want to learn more about how you are wired and what constitutes a couple bubble, read or listen to “Wired for Love” or “Your Brain on Love” by Stan Tatkin.

Angelika, coach & workshop facilitator,  greendoorrelaxation@yahoo.ca, 905-286-9466

If you enjoy my posts, you can follow Greendoor to receive an e-mail notification whenever I post a new blog. All you need to do is to click the “follow” button in the right-hand corner of your screen.

In the Now

Art work by Carina Francioso

In the Now _ L' oggi

In the Now

What keeps us from living in the now?

Perhaps it is nostalgia that binds us to yesterday

or hope that leads us to tomorrow.

And yet there was a time in which the present

belonged to us, remember?

As a child there was no space for the past

Everything was a game, a discovery, a passion

Until we moved further away from ourselves.

– from the Italian poem “L’oggi” by Anna Ciardullo Villapiana,

English Translation by Carina Francioso

 

A sweet friend of mine sent me a book with Italian poems as something to pass my time while my fractures are healing. As I am reading the poem above, I am listening to the sounds of spring that enter through the open window. There is the humming of a lawn mower, birds chirping, a few children playing outside, and I am involuntarily transported back to my childhood.

Afternoons felt long, Sundays back then seemed endless. There was this feeling of a whole wonderful day stretching in front of me. Time for leisure, for play, for stillness… rolling down the hill or just sitting on the lawn, feeling the earth underneath and the lush grass, picking daisies, connecting them to a reef to place on my head; looking for four leafed clovers, and feeling so lucky when I found one, knowing that I just had to look long enough; dandelions weren’t weeds back then, they were marvellous wonders in their white costume to be blown all over the back yard.

As children the present really belonged to us, our mind could so easily just be in the now. Today, I need my daily meditation or a vacation—or two broken legs—to be in the same way, to be completely in the now. Sometimes I long to be five years old again to feel like time is standing still, like I have nowhere to go, nowhere to be but here.

That longing inside comes from our soul, which needs to stop to contemplate our humanness and the journey that we are on. It needs to feel gratitude and joy. It needs to slow down at times, right down to almost stand-still, to feel our true essence.

 

True-Essence

“True Essence”  by Carina Francioso

If you enjoy my posts, you can follow Greendoor to receive an e-mail notification whenever I post a new blog. All you need to do is to click the “follow” button in the right-hand corner of your screen.

Angelika, greendoorrelaxation@yahoo.ca, 905-286-9466