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The COVID-19 Situation Challenges Our Beliefs, Emotions and Relationships. How PSYCH-K® and Other Tools Can Help.

The COVID-19 situation has disrupted our daily routines, affected our finances and is challenging our relationships. The crisis has changed everything we used to consider “normal”. We are grieving losses, experiencing anxiety, navigating often tumultuous emotions and bumping up against limiting beliefs. As we experience the uncertainty of unemployment and potential illness, we might be reaching for our partner, hoping for comfort and support. Yet, most couples have never learned how to communicate vulnerable emotions and hold each other in fear. To have a stress-reducing conversation, rather than taking on our partner’s fear and stress, has become a more valuable skill than ever before.

This exceptional situation is an opportunity to work on our fears, learn how to release our emotions and improve our relationships, especially our closest partnerships or marriages. Our old ways of being are currently being torn down and it is time to ask, what do we want to believe and feel as we are going through this period? What do we want our life and our relationships to look like? And which habits, beliefs and repeating patterns do we want to change?

We get to make that decision and work towards our relationship dreams and life goals. Instead of waiting for the crisis to be over, we can choose kindness, patience, compassion and successful communication now. At a time when many couples are home together working in close quarters, it is important to create a routine, maintain boundaries, design compromises, learn how to respect each other’s needs, respond lovingly to bids of attention and most importantly, have supportive conversations. Dr. John Gottman has designed the “stress reducing conversation”, in which both partners take turns speaking about a conflict outside of their relationship and listening to their partner. I find that it makes a huge difference when we can centre ourselves and speak and listen from the heart. When one of us is emotionally activated, it is up to our partner to hold that space of compassionately listening. While one partner shares what has happened and how they feel about it, the rules for the listener are as follows:

  1. to suspend any judgment
  2. to validate and empathize with our partner’s experience
  3. to side with our partner (or at least, to not side with the other person in the conflict)
  4. to remember that our partner is whole, complete and resourceful and to refrain from “fixing” their problem for them

Image by Anna_Sunny from Pixabay 

In order to successfully hold these conversations, we need to be aware of our own fears, triggers and limiting beliefs. We need to know how to self-regulate and how to not let our own emotions spill over into the moment when our partner needs us to support them.

Here are some examples for the most common subconscious beliefs that both my clients and myself have had to balance lately by using PSYCH-K® or the belief change process from Shadow Energetics.

 

REGARDING THE (FINANCIAL) SITUATION:

  1. Even though (financial) uncertainty is a part of my life right now, I know and trust that I am safe / taken care of / financially resourceful etc. at all times.
  2. I relax and accept when things are temporarily on hold, being grateful that I now have the time to take care of myself.
  3. It is okay for me to slow down and enjoy my time with my family.
  4. I embrace the current situation as a gift to slow down / to focus on my relationships / to find new financial avenues etc.
  5. I let go and trust that all my needs are abundantly met in this current situation.
  6. I do my best and my best is always good enough.

 

REGARDING HEALTH:

  1. I take good care of myself by giving my body enough sleep, physical movement and healthy nutrition.
  2. I keep my immune system strong through rest and exercise.
  3. I do everything in my power to stay healthy and beyond that, I let go and trust.
  4. I enjoy the slowing down and I relax into a different rhythm.

 

Image by Anrita1705 from Pixabay

REGARDING RELATIONSHIPS:

  1. I easily and effortlessly communicate my needs to my partner.
  2. Both of us working from home is smooth and easy for us.
  3. We naturally switch between being connected and focusing on work.
  4. Each time my partner is distracted, I remember that he/she is simply focused on work.
  5. We make time for each other (and the children) at the end of the day to connect and talk.
  6. It is safe for me to be vulnerable and share my fears with my partner.
  7. I am good at self-soothing when I feel emotionally activated.
  8. It comes naturally to me to be present for my partner.
  9. I listen non-judgmentally and acknowledge my partner’s feelings and fears.
  10. We creatively bring some novelty into our relationship by trying out new activities we can do at home.

 

REGARDING FAMILY:

  1. Having time with my kids and my spouse is a gift for all of us.
  2. We are adaptable and creative as we adjust to the new situation.
  3. I embrace the new situation and enjoy every moment with my partner / my family.
  4. I am patient with myself and all family members as we go through this time of uncertainty.

 

If you have taken part in one of my workshops or perhaps learned how to release emotions in an individual session, remember to use the EMOTIONAL RELEASE PROCESS on a regular basis. Here is a list of especially common emotions that the current situation might have triggered for us. You can of course also work with other lists of emotions, for example the one you would have received during the Shadow Energetics Workshop. If you want to learn what to do with your emotions, change limiting beliefs and clear out fears, please reach out for a free phone consultation.

 

TRIGGERED EMOTIONS:

Feeling…

 

1.    afraid

2.    angry

3.    anxious

4.    bitter

5.    confused

6.    defeated

7.    defenseless

8.    depressed

9.    deprived

10. desperate

11. destitute

12. diminished

13. disadvantaged

14. discouraged

15. distressed

16. fearful

 

 

17. forgotten

18. frustrated

19. grief

20. helpless

21. homesick

22. inadequate

23. insecure

24. isolated

25. lacking

26. like a failure

27. lonely

28. lost

29. out of control

30. overwhelmed

31. panicked

32. pessimistic

 

33. powerless

34. regretful

35. sad

36. shameful

37. shocked

38. sorrow

39. suffocated

40. terrified

41. uncertain

42. unprotected

43. unsafe

44. unsupported

45. victimized

46. vulnerable

47. worried

48. worthless

 

Online Sessions

for Individuals and Couples

If you have lost your job or you are financially struggling because you are self-employed, reach out and talk to me about a discount, especially if you are a previous client. I am here to help you and your family through this time.

If you are a health care worker or first responder, your session is complimentary right now, out of admiration and deep gratitude for what you are going through right now.

 

You can start with a free phone consultation.

Angelika

905-286-9466

greendoorrelaxation@yahoo.ca

What Is This COVID-19 Induced Activity Frenzy Really About?

Over the last ten days, I’ve noticed how my e-mail inbox is literally flooded with double the number of e-mails than it used to be. Every single company is not just letting us know how they are handling the COVID-19 situation, which is good, but also offering discounts on clothing and products that we really do not need more of right now.

My inbox is also overflowing with e-mail offers for online get-togethers of all sorts: online games, movie nights, network meetings, community meetings, social gatherings and there seems no end to this. How can a social zoom gathering of my pickleball group—who without a doubt is a lovely group that I very much enjoy exercising with on the court twice a week—possibly be a substitution? I play pickleball because it is a fun way to move, so mostly for my health. It seems it would make much more sense to set the time aside for myself to get on my stationary bike, do some Yoga or go for a walk to stay fit and healthy.

Are we so afraid of our own company and the company of our loved ones that we need to flee to online games with strangers and online zoom chats with our sports groups?

While it’s important not to underestimate the immense value that we can find in connecting with people online to maintain a social life and keep from going stir-crazy, especially if we live alone, it’s more important than ever that we take the time for the opposite as well. What would it be like to take more time to slow down, feel the stillness, meditate and reflect on what is going on for us, rather than losing ourselves in meaningless distractions?

In some way, we are, of course, all fighting for a sense of normality. We all still need to make an income and, I am grateful that we can work through Zoom. There are great possibilities and gifts in this experience of having to adapt to the current situation. At the same time, I see among my colleagues a productivity frenzy as they are moving lectures, groups and workshops online as fast as they can. And, I freely admit this, I felt myself being pulled into this for a bit. Above the uncertainty about the future, that we all naturally feel in these times of a worldwide crisis, I also felt the pressure to be that coach who has it all together and just moves everything online right away.

Do we really need to convert our entire overly busy life to a virtual life right now, or have we missed out on an important hidden opportunity, when we do that? What is really behind this reluctance to take some time off? Is it the companies, organizations and sports clubs who fear they will cease to exist if they don’t go with the times and stay in touch with people?

I feel that it is important to give ourselves and our children time to emotionally and mentally adjust to the new circumstances, to ensure we don’t overload ourselves with online activities in an attempt to simulate normalcy. Let’s not forget that the world has for most of us only changed this dramatically in the last four weeks.

Six weeks ago, I was still on vacation with one of my daughters and now she is out of a job, and so is my other daughter. In February, I had clients come in daily, walking through the kitchen and living room area and downstairs to my home office. Now the kitchen and family room areas are in need of tidying up because we have become too comfortable with just letting things be. Or have we? Is this perhaps a time to enjoy that we do not need to go anywhere or have the house presentable for someone coming to us? And how can we cherish taking some time off when we are so busy recreating our lives online?

I am not saying that some of these online events aren’t helpful. The ones which feed your soul will be different from the ones that resonate with me. But more than ever, we need to be aware of not getting caught up in an activity and productivity frenzy. A lot of us have been too busy running around from event to event, as it was. My schedule was always full, and I am sure so was yours. And this applies even more so to families with younger kids. This is an opportunity to slow down and to be in the present moment. It is a chance to feel and to be aware. It is a time to find calm, peace and our inner centre. It is a time to stay fit, laugh and play games—not only online, but especially with the people closest to us who are in quarantine or self-isolation next to us: the family members who we are all seeing far more frequently now than we normally can.

One of my online German students in Switzerland, who I have always connected with once a week via Zoom even before COVID-19, said to me a couple of days ago that she didn’t have the time to do her homework because she chose to meditate every day and focus on staying calm and centred in the midst of everybody’s anxiety. My reply was, “Good for you!” How important is her German progress compared to the importance of understanding the messages we are getting through this crisis?

This period right now is a grief experience. We are experiencing different losses, concrete ones like the loss of a job and less concrete ones like a loss of safety and security. In reality, life was never predictable, but it felt more so before the COVID-19 pandemic. There is no right or wrong way to grieve! Grief means that we need to allow our individual grieving to proceed in its own way and time.

It is okay if you wake up in the middle of the night, not able to go back to sleep. It is okay if you are struggling to establish a daily fitness routine at home or move your classes or business online instantly. Given time and some grief work, not just our brains, but also our hearts will adapt. We will find completion of what we have lost, and peace in the new situation and with the new opportunities.

But what is most of all needed right now is some self-compassion. Ignore those colleagues or friends who are posting on social media about how well they are adapting or who are flooding your e-mail inbox with distractions. Remember that there is Facebook, and then there is real life, in which we don’t have to hide behind happy pictures or success stories. It is okay to take as long as it takes to adjust to the new normal! In fact, we will adjust faster, when we do not get lost in unnecessary distractions.

So which additional online invitations have I said yes to this week and will continue saying yes to? I have said yes to a Facetime with a young friend who had a daughter last year and who I usually visit once a month. It feeds my soul to see how the little one, who just learned to walk six weeks ago, has changed. I have said yes to regularly meeting online with a former student, who has become a brilliant fellow belief change coach himself, to do exchanges. We as coaches also need coaches or colleagues, as much for our own sanity as our clients do.

I will, of course, continue to connect with my dad, my uncle and my aunt, who are all in their eighties. Their love, wisdom and perspectives after having experienced other crises in their lives are nurturing and enlightening. Letting them know that I love and treasure them is one of the most important things I can do right now. I will continue to connect with other family members and close friends, but I will do it in a way that meets my needs. Rather than spending yet more time at the computer, I can speak to them on the phone while I go for a walk or sit in the backyard, which hopefully will soon be possible.

How different have even our walks become! It won’t be long, and we will all be wearing masks to protect others when we go out for walks or grocery trips, and I am all for that. As the world changes, we will need to relearn how to interact with others under these new circumstances. A nod, a smile and a friendly greeting are still possible with social distancing and more necessary than ever. Knowing how we want to be with each other, all begins with learning how to be with ourselves, our own feelings and fears. We cannot do that if we get swept up in a frenzy of online activity.

This is the time to wrap our mind around the fact that this experience will change us and our world forever. It is not going to be completely forgotten after a few weeks, and things won’t immediately, if ever, jump back to the way they were. Let’s rather acknowledge that we will be changed forever. It is the time to decide how we want to be changed for the better, when it comes to our relationships and our everyday life.

 

from April 1 to April 14

online sessions

for individuals and couples

who are financially struggling

20% off

If you have lost your job or you are struggling because you are self-employed, reach out and talk to me, especially if you are a previous client. I am here to help you and your family through this time.

If you are a health care worker or first responder, your session is complimentary right now, out of admiration and deep gratitude for what you are going through right now.

 

 

You can start with a free phone consultation.

Angelika

905-286-9466

greendoorrelaxation@yahoo.ca