Children Remembering Having Past Life Memories

NBC news recently reported an interesting story about a boy who remembers his past life as an unknown Hollywood actor in the 30ties. The boy was able to remember some astonishing details about this actor’s life which have been verified.

PLR boy rmembeirng life as actor 2

http://www.nbcnews.com/nightly-news/video/boy-remembers-amazing-details-of-past-life-as-hollywood-actor-416079939861

 

The phenomenon of children talking about a past life or making comments which indicate re-incarnation is not uncommon. Children sometimes seem to still remember events or people from before they were born into this life. Sometimes souls are even born into the same family again, two or three generations later. When you search “children remembering their past lives” such headlines as “5-year-old is his own grandfather” or“3-year-old boy solves his own murder” come up.

Over the years, I have heard many different stories from friends and clients about children, who have made comments about their past lives in a completely matter of fact way. Usually, children are younger than six when you hear such remarks. One of my own children very seriously told me at age 3½, “I had to come to this family”. When I asked, “Why?” she replied, “Because I had to be with my sister again”. Those were certainly comments beyond what one would expect a 3-year-old to make and therefore this conversation caught my attention and curiosity.

2005 Tia @ Lynn Rose

Incidentally, the relationship between her and her sister is one which is very close, supportive and loving. They are sisters in this life to help and encourage each other. However, sometimes we find that we are re-incarnating repeatedly with certain souls from our soul group to learn hard lessons, lessons which allow us to grow due to conflicts and issues rather than love and support.

As parents, we often find children’s claims to remember other lives more remarkable or unusual than the children perceive them. For them, the memories are simply part of their experience of life. They live otherwise typical childhoods. Sometimes parents seem to be afraid that something is wrong with their child’s mental health when they say things that are hard to explain. This is absolutely not the case.

If you have a child who has made a statement which has you wondering whether they are accessing a past life memory rather than just making something up, you might be unsure how to handle this situation. I can only recommend remaining open-minded and treating the child’s remarks with respect, just as you treat anything they share with respect.

Don’t ask too many probing questions. As a parent you want to avoid that the children are making things up. Open-ended general prompts like “Tell me more…” are most successful. If you child is one of those kids who give enough information which can be verified, it is good to write down the details of what they are saying.

If you feel your child has come back as one of his or her own grandparents or great-grandparents, enjoy the special connection you have with them. However, remind yourself, that although in the past life they might have been your parent or grandparent, in this life, they are not. They deserve to have a childhood and a mature and responsible parent in you.

Last but not least, as exciting as it is that your child remembers having been somebody else, keep in mind that their current life is most important right now. Any knowledge which comes through from a past life has to be seen as “How can that information help me right now in my present life?” We are here in the present time and space to live this life fully and to grow from our experience.

 

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If you are curious to find out what you can learn from your past lives for your current existence, contact me for a past life regression.

DSCF0692 long

Angelika

905-286-9466

greendoorrelaxation@yahoo.ca

 

Spring Equinox

Spring is the season of change, of awakening, renewal and outward movement. It is a time to focus on clearing out the old and creating the new. Just as we might feel the urge to do a spring cleaning of our house, we need to clean and clear out our body, heart and mind as well.

The beginning of spring on March 20 is the perfect time to set clear intentions for the new season. Spring Equinox is the time of new birth and renewal. It is the optimum time to plant a personal garden within your being, to make a new start, to create an image in your mind of what you want to see in your life.

What do you need to plant the garden of your soul? It is very simple. What are the qualities you most want to manifest in your life? What are your goals and dreams for a joyous future? What would you like to feel and experience? These are the seeds to plant in the garden of your being. Maybe you want to plant the seeds that lead to abundance and prosperity? Perhaps you want harmony in all your relationships? What about planting the seeds of health and wellbeing deeply within your heart?

Spring-flowers-crocuses

Once we have made decisions and have set clear intentions, we need to come up with the necessary action steps to clear out the old and bring in the new. Spring naturally gives us an extra boost of energy by increasing the endorphins in our body, which we can turn into actions. That might be to exercise more and lose weight. This is the perfect time of the year to give up or reduce refined sugar, smoking, alcohol, or drugs of any kind.

It is also a fabulous opportunity to detoxify our emotions and mental state. Spring is a call to let go of emotions, like frustration, anger or resentment. They do not serve us. Anger and resentment energetically bind us to the past and to people we do not really want to be connected to.

Can you forgive your parents for their struggles and acknowledge they did the best they could? Can you forgive your siblings for what they said, for what they did or didn’t do? Can you forgive your ex-partner for how he or she has hurt you? Can you forgive the ex-business associate for their greed? Can you even forgive the doctor who has made mistakes in a procedure and caused you pain and grief?

spring-flower

Holding on to resentment, anger and judgment is affecting every moment of your day, every hour, every minute and is ultimately robbing all joy from your life. You are giving the people you have not forgiven power over you. Trust that what goes around comes around and that the Universe has a way to take care of justice through Karma. Decide that it does not matter anymore; make the choice to let go and forgive.

We have a 30 minute Spring Equinox CD for sale. Please contact me if you are interested in this CD recording.

Angelika wide picture for blogs smaller

Angelika

Life Coaching & Forgiveness Work

905-286-9466, greendoorrelaxation@yahoo.ca

If you are enjoying my posts you can follow Greendoor to receive an e-mail notification whenever I post a new blog. All you need to do is to click the follow button in the right hand corner of your screen.

Waiting for Others to Change

I had several conversations in the last couple of weeks which all boiled down to the same two key questions.

I talked to a young woman who is dreaming about moving abroad and having the adventure of her lifetime. What is holding her back? Her story about her relationship is her block. She is waiting for her boyfriend to “grow-up and come with her”. Her story is, “he either has to change and get on board, or I have to break up with him to live my life the way I want to. And I don’t want to break up with him.” While she is waiting for him to change, she is robbing herself of enjoying the relationship for what it is in the moment. He feels her disappointment, which underneath the surface is already growing into resentment. Her energy of waiting for him to be different from who he is choosing to be in this moment in time is slowly eating away at the relationship.

Waiting 3

The key question for her is, “Can you love him the way he is right now?” If the answer is no, it is time to break up. If the answer is “yes”, and “I can just enjoy being with him in this moment in time. I don’t need to know what is going to happen next year,” this relationship will still have lots of growth and learning opportunities for her.

The second key question is, “Can you love yourself enough to make the choice which is most empowering for yourself? What is most loving for you to do, if the change you are hoping for does not occur?” Her answer was clear. “It is most self-loving for me to move abroad without him.” Some of the beliefs the young woman had to change were: “It’s okay for me to say good-bye”, “I can handle loss well”, “I release all responsibility for others”, “I am loyal to myself and my own dreams and goals” and “I am only responsible for my own life”.

I spoke to a man who is waiting for his fiancée to clear up her debt. His condition for getting married to her is that she clears out her debt first. He has been waiting for a long time and the longer it takes, the more judgmental he seems to feel. He is not enjoying the relationship anymore. He feels helpless and out of control because she seemingly is sabotaging his timeline for buying a house and starting a family. He is asking himself why she does not love him enough to cut down her expenses and clear out the debt. That question is coming from HIS fear of not being lovable. Her love for him has absolutely nothing to do with her financial struggles.

Waiting 7

I can completely emphasize with not wanting to be affected by somebody’s debt. Yet, the same key questions apply for him: “Do you just love her when she is a good little girl and changes in the way and time you feel she should, or can you love her the way she is right now?” At the same time, he has to be very honest with himself and ask the second key question, “What is most self-loving for me to do, have or be in this situation?” He can continue waiting and feeling resentful. He can break up with her and attract a partner who is financially more stable. Or he can find a way to keep their finances separate, move forward in some way and love her, independent of her financial situation.

Some possible beliefs to test and balance for this young man were: “I love others for who they are and not for what they do”, “Our value as a person is independent from our financial worth”, “I trust my fiancée to make the decisions which are right for her” and “I deserve to keep my finances separate and feel financially secure”.

I had a conversation with a woman who is waiting for her husband of over 30 years to finally “get healthy”. She works out, watches what she eats, and uses natural remedies when she needs to. He is overweight, makes unhealthy food and drink choices and self-medicates heavily for all sorts of issues. The more she wants him to live healthier, the more he resists. He doesn’t hear that she is worried that he is causing damage to his body, or that she is afraid that he might not live as long as she. All he hears is criticism. He feels not good enough and is overwhelmed by her discipline and determination to have a healthy life style.

Pushing him won’t get her anywhere. She has to ask herself the same questions the young girl and the young man have to ask. “Can I take my energy back that I have invested into him changing and love him the way he is?” The second question is: “What is most self-loving for me to do, have or be in this situation?” If she just focuses on her own health and enjoys her wellness, he might want to join her. Nobody is going to change from a place of judgment; however, from a place of loving acceptance, it becomes possible. She might need to affirm or balance at a subconscious level, “I trust my husband to make the choices which are right for him”, and “I release any worry about the future and enjoy my life with him right now”.


Encouraging somebody to be the best they can be is different from investing our entire energy into them needing to change. Waiting, hoping or pushing for others to change, can distract us from making our own changes. We can get so busy criticising or fixing them, that we forget to do our own work.

Focusing on what is “wrong” with the other person, also has an immediate effect on how we experience life. We are in relationships to learn and grow. One of the main lessons is to learn to love others and ourselves unconditionally. Love is the best soil for growth and for change. As long as our energy is going toward wanting to change our partner, parent or child, we are robbing ourselves of appreciating and loving them for who they are. We are postponing being happy to a point in the future when the change we want has occurred; we are ultimately depriving ourselves of true happiness.

Waiting 1

If you are enjoying my posts you can follow Greendoor to receive an e-mail notification whenever I post a new blog. All you need to do is to click the follow button in the right hand corner of your screen.  

Angelika

Life and Belief Change Coaching, PSYCH-K®

905-286-9466, greendoorrelaxation@yahoo.ca

The Dance of Our Parts in Relationships – PART 2 Bonding Patterns

To understand how we interact with our spouse or partner, we need to know about our inner children and about bonding patterns.

BONDING PATTERNS

Bonding patterns are basic units of interaction between people. The primary bonding pattern emerges at birth between the child needing nurturing and the mother giving nurturing. Our primary bonding patterns with our parents or primary care givers become recreated in all our relationships as adults. We are able to solve the issues from our original families in those new relationships.

The mother parts of the woman are bonded into the son parts of the man, and visa versa, the father parts of the man are bonded into the daughter parts of the woman. Bonding patterns represent the interactions between our sub-personalities or selves.

Our Aware Ego allows us to become aware of the bonding patterns, for example to realize that we are in our inner child part in an interaction, or our parent part in another interaction. Through this awareness, I can separate from this bonding pattern. The bonding pattern itself won’t disappear but I am able to meet my partner from the place of my Aware Ego. It gives us choices in our interactions as opposed to interacting automatically.

Hal & Sidra 5

Hal and Sidra Stone

Hal and Sidra Stone are very clear that there is nothing wrong with the parent-child bonding pattern. It is a basic unit of interaction. It is always present in our love relationships. It happens automatically and allows us to be intimate and close. When we love somebody we are protective and want to take care of them. Judging these bonding patterns as “co-dependency” is not helpful. As human beings, we are naturally inter-dependent. The key is to become aware of the bonding dynamics in our relationships, enjoy them when they have a positive impact, but also separate from them when they cause problems.

The positive bonding pattern can tip over into a negative bonding pattern. When the negative bonding pattern is activated because our vulnerability is triggered, we might switch from “good parent” to “judgmental parent”, and that’s when we realize we are in a bonding pattern.

Let’s take an example. Mark makes more money than Barbara and enjoys buying gifts for her or surprising her with get-aways or other special activities. Barbara feels good about having things bought for her as it reminds her of her father who had a similar love language to show his affection. Over time, she is getting used to those gifts and might ask Mark for something more expensive, for example a bigger house. At that point, Mark’s vulnerability is triggered and his fear that he is unable to keep up these expenses. If he is not aware of his fear—and most of us aren’t—he will move from the loving caring father who fulfilled Barbara’s desires into the judgmental father. Barbara is stunned to hear him say, “You are really ungrateful and spoiled. Why do you need an even bigger house? Who do you think you are married to? A millionaire?”

Barbara’s inner child is surprised and hurt and she might in turn judge Mark now as being controlling with money or cheap. With awareness, they are able to realize they are in a parent-child bonding pattern. Mark can then from his Aware Ego explain to Barbara, “My fear was triggered by you asking for the bigger house. I am worried we won’t be able to carry a higher mortgage. Several people have been laid off at my company and I am afraid this might happen to me as well down the road.” Instead of having to protect her inner child by going into a primary personality part to defend herself, Barbara can now respond with love and understanding from her own vulnerable part.

We have to be kind to each other and ourselves when it comes to these bonding patterns. They are natural and we spend a lot of time living in these bonding patterns. Most bonding patterns exist in a positive form. They are not causing trouble. As long as Mark is behaving like a good father and Barbara is the pleasing compliant grateful daughter they might not even realize they are in a bonding pattern. However, the moment Mark becomes the negative father to the frightened little girl inside Barbara, it lets them discover that Mark was taking on the role of responsible father and Barbara was letting him take all the financial responsibility.

This bonding pattern also exists the other way round. When our inner child isn’t taken care of by us, our inner child will hook into our partner and expect them to take care of him (or her). When real physical children come along, and the woman is all focussed on nurturing the little baby, the little boy in the man can become triggered. He might unconsciously drift into a more passive role and let the good mother in the woman run the show. He most likely is not even aware that the only way he feels he can get her attention is by being a little boy himself. That can quickly tip over into a negative bonding pattern when the woman refuses to mother her partner as well because she feels overwhelmed and vulnerable with her new role already.

A bonding pattern tips over when our vulnerability is triggered. That could be because we are frightened, hungry, tired, abandoned, lonely or feeling misunderstood, unappreciated or unloved. When our needs aren’t met, a primary self comes in and takes over. We might get angry or judgmental. These conflicts can go on for a long time or be re-activated over and over again, especially if we are not aware of the mirrors and our disowned selves.

When I have disowned certain things in myself which my partner carries for me, I might get angry at what I don’t like in myself. If Susan is over-identified with being productive and her partner is able to relax and do nothing, she might begin to criticize and judge him for being “lazy” or a “procrastinator”. If John is more serious and his partner is more playful, he might over time judge her as being “immature” and “childish”. If Rita is thrifty and her partner is less concerned with saving money, she might judge him as “irresponsible” and “wasteful”. The ability to relax, be playful or be generous which each of them originally loved in their partner is later on the trigger for judgments.

They might express these judgmental opinions either in words or with looks and in turn their partner will flip into judgmental parent judging them for the opposite. At that point, love “goes out the window”. What once was dear and fascinating to them about their partner is what they now hate. The partner’s inner child feels betrayed and is quite confused, “Wasn’t this the wonderful person who at the beginning loved me for who I am?”

Our disowned selves which we are so ready to criticize in the other person become the bats we are beating each other up with. We forget that what our partner mirrors for us is what we need to embrace and heal inside ourselves. We need to stop when we find ourselves being judgmental and examine how our vulnerability was triggered. How do I really feel underneath this judgmental voice?

We also need to realize that no energy is bad. Energy exists in polar opposites when we have not fully integrated an energy. What if Susan allowed herself to relax more and just be in the moment without the pressure to be productive? What if John took life less seriously and allowed himself to be more playful and laugh more? What if Rita realized her fear is triggered around money but that she can allow herself to be more generous without ending in poverty or debt?

It’s the job of the Aware Ego, not your partner’s responsibility, to properly parent your own inner child. Like a real parent, the Aware Ego has to learn to be a parent to the primary selves and to the vulnerable child. That parent voice is not critical or harsh like the inner critic or a primary self can sound. The parent voice is encouraging, loving and takes care of the inner child’s needs.

If I consciously take care of my own inner child, I won’t expect my partner to do it for me. That prevents these negative bonding patterns from continuing and opens up opportunities to communicate openly about our true feelings and our vulnerability. By taking care of my own inner child, I give myself the gift to have deep, intimate, mutually supportive and honest relationships.

 

If you want to listen to Hall & Sidra Stone’s “The Dance of Our Parts in Relationships”, go to http://www.voicedialogueinternational.com/bookshop.php

Hal & Sidra 4

If you are enjoying my posts you can follow Greendoor to receive an e-mail notification whenever I post a new blog. All you need to do is to click the follow button in the right hand corner of your screen.

Relationship Coaching

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Angelika, 905-286-9466, greendoorrelaxation@yahoo.ca

 

The Dance of Our Parts in Relationships – PART ONE Primary Personality Parts

“Relationships don’t die a natural death.

They are murdered by either

ego, attitude or ignorance

or all of the above.”

 Rose

(Rose Saroyan, Karmic DNA)

My friend Rose Saroyan couldn’t have said it better. My own marriage to the father of my daughters died the death of ignorance and a good portion of ego—mostly my ego—ten years ago. What I mean by that is, we could have made it work, knowing what I know today. Less ignorance and less ego would have allowed us to heal what was greatly strained after 13 years of marriage. We fostered a little girl for several years, and had two daughters of our own. We moved from Germany to Malaysia, back to Germany and then to Canada, starting all over each time. We went through a lot together without ever really knowing ourselves and the dynamic in our relationship.

After the death of our marriage, we created the second best thing: we build a respectful friendship as co-parents of two wonderful children. Yet, the fact remains that the love relationship died—like so many others—because we were not taught about our shadows. Our partners—just as our parents and children—are our mirrors. They bring out all our challenges, not so we can run away from them, but so that we can face them.

For quite a while now, I have been meaning to write about Hal and Sidra Stone’s insights on partnering and relationships. To do their extensive teachings justice, I will need to lay the foundations first. I have decided to write a series of two blogs on relationships, rather than leaving something important out.

Relationships are remarkable teachers for all of us and offer huge personal and spiritual growth opportunities. It usually is so easy to fall in love with each other and be fascinated by the ways in which the other person is different from us but complements us so beautifully. Then a few years down the road, we might find ourselves feeling irritated by exactly what we originally fell in love with in the other person. Why is that?

A relationship is not between two people but between two groups of people. Any relationship involves a multitude of selves in each person interacting with similar or opposite selves in the other person. To explain this further, let me elaborate on the idea of parts of selves.

 

PRIMARY PERSONALITY PARTS

We come into this world vulnerable, and our primary personality parts—which we develop growing up—protect that vulnerability. The objective of our primary selves is to protect the vulnerable inner child. Those could be power selves which allow us to protect our vulnerability by being angry or aggressive; or they could be ambitious selves which help us to make money and be successful; or they could be pleasing selves or gentle selves which make us lovable to the people around us.

The primary selves can take many different forms. It is hard to know what our primary selves are because we tend to identify with them. We see them as “that’s just how I am,” instead of realizing that they are just one energy we have inside us and that we have the freedom to step into another completely different energy. We tend to think we have a fixed unchanging personality, for example, “I am hard working, tough and aggressive”, or “I am sweet, loving, gentle and giving” or “I am passionate, dramatic and emotional”.

On the other side of every primary self, there is an equal and opposite energy. If I grew up identified with power and aggression, on the other side of that energy, there is somebody within me who is vulnerable and weak. If I grew up learning to always put others first and be selfless, on the other side of that energy, there is somebody who puts him or herself first.

Whatever it is that we have disowned in ourselves, that is exactly what the Universe is going to bring to us. The opposite and equal energy which we have disowned will be lived out through our children, our friends, our acquaintances, our business associates, even our animals, and most of all our husband or wife.

Hal & Sidra 2

Hall and Sidra Stone

Sidra, for example, when she first met Hal, was a very rational planner; organized, solution-oriented and careful with money. Hal was more of a dreamer, a visionary, trusting the Universe rather than carefully planning, able to sit in the discomfort of a problem rather than solving it in the fastest way, and a spender.

When we first fall in love with somebody, the vulnerable child feels safe, feels unconditionally loved and accepted. The primary selves can relax and sit back and stop protecting. We are more able to act from the opposites of our primary selves which are also available to us. If my primary self is, for example, serious and mature, I might be able to be more playful and light-hearted. Or, perhaps, I am a very busy person, always productive, using my time efficiently, making sure I never waste any time. When I fall in love and feel absolutely accepted the way I am, I don’t have to be busy to prove I am lovable. I don’t have to accomplish anything. My primary pusher self can relax. Suddenly, I discover I have time to just be in the moment, to take a walk, or to just talk to somebody.

Another thing that happens when we fall in love is that our inner critic, which always finds something to criticize and correct in us, disappears for a while. All of a sudden, I feel perfect; I feel lovable the way I am.

After a while, stress enters into the relationship and the vulnerable inner child feels threatened again. To protect that vulnerable part, our primary selves come back to fight for us.

TO BE CONTINUED

If you don’t want to miss part 2, you can follow Greendoor to receive an e-mail notification when I post the next blog. Click the follow button in the right hand corner of your screen.

For relationship coaching contact Angelika

905-286-9466

greendoorrelaxation@yahoo.ca

The Growth Choice Versus the Fear Choice

If you are not satisfied with what you do and you keep postponing starting a new career or business, have you actually avoided making a decision?

If you are avoiding speaking to your partner or ex-partner about an important issue, are you really postponing making that difficult decision?

If you are struggling financially and you find yourself going deeper and deeper into debt and you don’t make changes, are you able to escape making a decision?

In all three cases, you have made several decisions or choices. You have made the choice not to be in control of your life. You have made the choice to remain stagnant. You have made the choice to allow others to make the decisions for you. You have given away the opportunity to have an in-put and find a compromise. Your partner will most likely make his or her own decision without you, and your debtors are most probably going to react to your financial situation. In each case, you have deluded yourself that you are not making a decision, but you have, in fact, made a fear choice over a growth choice.

We are making choices all the time! We cannot live life without making choices in every given moment. “The Universe is Decisive” (Raymond Charles Barker). We exist in and are part of a Universe in which we are constantly co-creating our reality. The Law of Mind, as the Science of Mind teachers call it, or the Law of Attraction, as it is called in the Abraham teachings, is clear: We are constantly manifesting from our thoughts, feelings, words, decisions and actions. It is not possible to NOT make a choice.

The choice not to make a choice is a choice in itself. It’s the choice to stay “in limbo”. And on the other side of indecisive energy is decisive energy. When we are indecisive, we draw in other people who are decisive and will make decisions for us. The choice to let somebody else make the choices for us IS a choice. We give away our power of decision. We give away an opportunity to self-actualize consciously.

Abraham Maslow choices

We are human and we make fear choices over growth choices all the time. We might choose to stay in an unhappy relationship out of the fear of being alone. We may choose to not move from a financially secure job into a more fulfilling but less secure one. We might avoid important talks out of fear of conflict.

Be compassionate with yourself when you notice a pattern of making fear choices. Just don’t delude yourself that other people and forces control your life when you are the one who has made the choice to relinquish control.

“Have no fear of negative patterns you may uncover in your mind. They are ready to be known and dismissed.” (Raymond Charles Barker, The Power of Decision, 187) When you find that you tend to behave or act, think or feel in a certain pattern, celebrate that you have found a pattern. Now that your conscious mind is aware of a pattern which you would like to change, you can begin your work. Such a pattern could be “when somebody is not pleased with me or criticises me, I feel rejected” or “I jump to the rescue of people with a victim consciousness, enabling them to remain a victim” or “when somebody is angry, I retreat into feeling helpless instead of constructively solving a problem” or “when I feel sad and not good enough, I overeat to push my emotions down”.

This Universe is fractal in itself. There are repetitive patterns everywhere. They show up in nature, in the history of mankind and in everybody’s individual history. The same patterns show up over and over again until we become aware of them and consciously change them. Within this choice is a decision again: the decision to break a pattern, no matter how long it has been present, the decision to change something that has not been working for us.

 

Raymond Charles Barker mountain valley quote

 

Related blog:

http://greendoorrelaxation.net/2013/07/01/what-if-i-make-a-wrong-decision/

 

Life Coaching, Changing of Beliefs and Habitual Patterns

Angelika

905-286-9466

greendoorrelaxation@yahoo.ca

If you are enjoying my posts you can follow Greendoor to receive an e-mail notification whenever I post a new blog. Click the follow button in the right hand corner of your screen.

Happiness Formula

Around this time of the year, when we are doing our taxes, we might find ourselves re-assessing our charitable donations for the previous year. We might ask if we want to continue donating to the charities or organizations that we have donated to so far; are they still close to our heart, or do we want to re-direct that money and donate our time and/or money somewhere else?

Why is it an important question to ask? Because giving to others is an essential part of our own health and happiness. And the more we believe in a charitable cause and truly give from our heart, the more that heart energy circles back to us. By helping where we can, we acknowledge that we are all connected and inter-dependant. It is an opportunity for us to make a difference. Our voluntary choices, which include making the choice to give to others, make up 40% of our experience of being at peace with our life or of what we also refer to as happiness.

The Chopra Well Launch Event

Deepak Chopra talks about a formula for happiness which scientists have found. This formula for Happiness is

H = S + C + V

Happiness = the Set Point in the Brain + the Conditions of Living + our Voluntary Choices

The Set Point in the Brain is the happiness we received in our genes, what we experienced in uterus and in the first three years of our life. That “ability” for happiness makes about 50% of our feeling of happiness. This sounds terrible given that most of us had experiences as young children with parents or other care givers who weren’t really happy themselves. However, the good news is, the set point in the brain can be rewired, changed with belief work, with cognitive therapy (questioning our thoughts and beliefs) or with techniques like Hypnosis or PSYCH-K® that rewire the subconscious mind. We can unlearn old limiting or negative beliefs and overwrite them with supporting positive beliefs about ourselves and our world.

The Conditions of Living, which we always like to think are the only determining factor for our happiness, are responsible for only 10% of our happiness! How much money we have, for example, does not make us lastingly happy. It has been shown that even when somebody wins in the lottery, their level of happiness after a while returns to the level it was at before.

That leaves 40% for the Voluntary Choices. Those are choices we make for pure pleasure (e.g. activities, food, sex etc.) and even more importantly choices that bring us fulfillment (being creative or spiritual, being helpful and giving, for example donating our time or money to a charity, or simply making someone else happy through attention, affection and appreciation) The more we give positive attention to others, the more we show them affection and appreciation, the happier we are and the happier they are. The secret ingredients to Happiness are the three As: Attention, Affection and Appreciation.

happiness-formula

There is one more factor to Happiness not contained in this formula, which is the Existential Unhappiness when we have resentments or other negative feelings about the past or worry about the future. The human being is the only creature who can replay negative events from the past and make him/herself thoroughly unhappy in the present, or worry about not being happy in the future with the same effect. Knowing this, it is important to let go of the past and not worry overly about the future.

 

For Hypnosis, PSYCH-K® or Forgiveness/Letting Go Work contact Angelika

905-286-9466

greendoorrelaxation@yahoo.ca

 

If you are enjoying my posts you can follow Greendoor to receive an e-mail notification whenever I post a new blog. Click the follow button in the right hand corner of your screen.

Who should I talk to when my relationship is struggling?

Relationships sometimes bring out the best in us, other times they bring out the worst. They can trigger our insecurities and old inner wounds; they can bring up our fears and automatic protective responses. Such protective responses can be anger, judgment, the rational voice, or a part in us that pretends that we don’t care. All these power selves protect our inner vulnerable child.

When we are struggling in our primary love relationship, the temptation to confide in someone close is great. We all have those moments when we just want to hear from someone who loves us, “Poor you!” We have the tendency to find somebody who confirms we are right and that we have been treated so badly. It seems harmless to do that, doesn’t it?

It isn’t harmless at all. It is short-sighted. Confiding in somebody who has a relationship with both partners is often detrimental to the relationship, as it destroys trust. I see over and over again with my clients that a marriage or relationship which is already struggling is weakened even more by one—or both—partners complaining about the other one to a close family member or friend.

So if I feel misunderstood by my partner, should I complain to my mother or father about him or her? Not unless it is my intention to destroy the relationship between my mother or father and my spouse. Very few people are still able to truly respect another person once they have heard the dirty inside scoop that comes with every relationship. Especially for a parent, it is hard to remain neutral and not side with the poor daughter or poor son. Even if they have the awareness that every story is subjective and that there are always two—or more—sides to a situation, they hear “My daughter/son is not happy with this other person”. Most parents will have a hard time not giving advice or not meddling in the relationship if their child approaches them apparently being unhappy.

Senior Mother Interferring With Couple Having Argument At Home

The same thing applies to other family members or common friends of the couple. If my partner has been insensitive or uncaring, or if he or she has even done something worse like cheated on me, should I go crying to our common friends? Resist the temptation! A person my partner has a close relationship with as well is not the right confidant to talk to. No matter how much I want to be pitied or want to feel that somebody has compassion for me, I always have to keep in mind that I am most likely destroying the respect that person has for my partner. So, no matter what my partner has said or done, I am making it worse by retaliating with sharing something that most likely is embarrassing to him or her.

So, who should I talk to? If I need to talk a situation through, I need to find a person who has no relationship with my partner, preferably a professional who can listen to me. That professional can also help me to make the best decisions of what is to do in a situation looking at it from a neutral outside perspective. A professional coach or counsellor can teach me how to successfully speak to my partner, set boundaries and have my needs met.

Of course this sort of destructive dynamic does not only occur when a love relationship is in a crisis. I have come across several mothers in my life who complain to one child about the other child. Some mothers have this down to an art. They will call up one daughter to complain about the other daughter or the children of the other daughter. Usually, it is also part of this dynamic, to switch allies. Tomorrow, the mother might be dissatisfied with that daughter and complain to the other one instead. We can all see that this is not a healthy dynamic. It destroys the trust between the sisters and at the same time the trust between mother and daughters.

So, don’t complain about somebody behind their back! If you have an issue with your partner, or another family member, seek out a calm and non-violent communication with the appropriate person. If you need a professional to coach you, use that resource. Then sit down with that partner and work it out together, without pulling other people into the relationship who are bound to side with one or the other. Can you move beyond right and wrong? Instead of making it a question of blame or of who is right and who is wrong, you can both be honest with your feelings and needs and find creative solutions to your problems.

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