Three Buckets of Water

Imagine you have three buckets of water in front of you. The bucket on the left contains hot water, the bucket on the right cold water, and the bucket in the middle tepid water. You plunge your left hand into the bucket with hot water, and at the same time your right hand into the bucket with cold water. You leave your hands in the buckets for a couple of minutes. Then you simultaneously pull them out and put them both in the middle bucket.

What does your left hand tell you about the temperature in the middle bucket? What feedback does your right hand give you about the water in the same bucket?

Three Buckets

To your left hand, the water in the middle feels cold. However, for your right hand, the water appears to be hot. You could say that at the level of the buckets the hands are having an argument: “This water is cold!” “No, how can you not feel this! This water is hot!”

The buckets represent our conditioning, the experiences we have had and the beliefs we have learned. We all come from a specific bucket and have a different perception of the same reality.

When we remember that everybody comes from their own bucket, we can have true compassion for how others experience life and respond to it. Instead of insisting to be right, we can see things as relative to our “buckets”. If we want to experience the “water” rather as “hot” as opposed to “cold”, or vice versa, we need to change our own perception, which we have due to our individual conditioning. We need to examine our beliefs and change them at a subconscious level.

Bruce Lipton quote

We are running the next Basic PSYCH-K class on October 4 & 5, 2014 in Milton, Ontario. In this introductory class with Darryl Gurney, you will learn muscle testing and three different ways of changing a subconscious belief.

IMAG1188

At the end of the weekend, you will go home with a set of tools to quickly and efficiently change your beliefs. You will have given yourself the gift of choice what to belief and what to feel. You will be able to rise above your bucket and see things from a wider perspective.

The Essential is Invisible to the Eyes – Understanding the Concept of the Inner Child

We all have an inner child; a little girl or boy inside. This is our vulnerable and loving self that we are born with. In our society, it is part of the process of growing up that our power selves, like the successful self, the intellectual self, the controlling self, the angry self, the perfectionist self, the pleaser self and so on, protect the inner child from becoming a victim. During this necessary process, the inner child gets buried and we can lose our ability to experience intimacy. If we over identify with one or more of those power selves, we might find it difficult to be authentic and vulnerable with others, or to let somebody be close.

When we speak of the Inner Child, what we really mean is a “group of children”. There is the playful child, the scared child, the shy child and other aspects of our child. The core child is often very young. Sometimes my clients are surprised that their inner child does not literally talk to them. That core child might be pre-verbal. However, being with it still allows us to find out what our inner child feels and needs.

Petit Prince2

One way of connecting with our inner child is to allow ourselves to be in a being state as opposed to a doing state. When we over-identify with the doer, who constantly has to be productive and do something, we drown out the voice of the inner child. Another way of connecting with it is to engage in childlike activities. Play without aim or purpose, just for the fun of it. What can help us to bring that playful side of the inner child out is to play with little children or pets in our life. It is never too late to connect with and to free that inner child, no matter how old we are.

Dreams often bring up our disowned selves. When you dream of a baby or young child, whether it is a child in your life that you know or an unknown one, it might very well represent your own inner child. The dream can give you a message about how he or she feels.

Inner child work is not about allowing that inner child part inside to run the show; on the contrary. When we ignore the feelings of that child part in us, it is likely to “jump into the driver’s seat” and take over because it is scared or angry and does not trust that his or her needs are being taken care of.

Don’t become a slave to your inner child, just like you would not allow a real child to run your life. Honour it’s fears and find compromises. The child inside knows what and who is safe. Listen to that voice. Also learn to express hurt. Communicating how your inner child feels is a big part of parenting it. Stay out of toxic situations. Often the need of the inner child is to have enough good food and rest. Inner children also feel safer with some financial stability and independence from others, and more predictable life circumstances.

It is the job of the Aware Ego to parent the Inner Child. If we do not do that for that part in us, a power self will take over and parent the inner child, for example the pusher or pleaser. What also happens in that case is that the child which is not parented lovingly by the Aware Ego, bonds into other people. That bond is unconscious and often desperate or clingy. When you parent yourself with loving care, you are able to have healthier relationships.

Another benefit of connecting with the inner child is that we regain the ability to be intimate and on a soul level closely connected with others. Our inner child is our vulnerability and sensitivity. Hal and Sidra Stone also call it the “doorway to our soul”. Its sensitivity is so great that the Stones say it is “without skin”. It can and does tune into other people, has great empathy and knows what is going on beyond the words somebody speaks. Our inner child sees with the heart.

Sometimes when clients do the inner child work, they expect the inner child to grow up and lose its sensitivity. This part inside never grows up and always maintains the great ability for sensitivity. Inner Child work is not about getting rid of our vulnerability and sensitivity. It is the greatest gift we have. From that part, we nurture and we are able to receive intimate nourishment.

Petit Prince1

In the book “Le Petit Prince” by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, the fox explains to the Little Prince, who himself is a beautiful representation of a childlike personality, what it means to be connected to one’s sensitivity.

 

“Voici mon secret. Il est très simple:

On ne voit bien qu’avec le coeur.

L’essentiel est invisible pour les yeux.”

“Here is my secret, a very simple secret:

It is only with the heart that one can see clearly;

what is essential is invisible to the eye.”

 

If you are enjoying my articles, you can subscribe to receive an e-mail notification whenever I post a new blog. All you need to do is to enter your email address in the field on the left side of the bar. Thank you for your support!

For individual session or workshops to do some inner child work contact

Angelika

905-286-9466

greendoorrelaxation@yahoo.ca

Every Relationship is a Mirror

Every relationship in our life is a reflection of the relationship we have with ourselves. When we take a closer look, we realize that everybody is a mirror in some way.

One of my favourite philosophers when I was studying philosophy in school was Immanuel Kant. I loved his fabulously clear and simple Categorical Imperative, which guides us on how to treat others: “Act only according to that maxim by which you can at the same time want that it should become a universal law.”

Yet, why is it so challenging sometimes to treat people like we want to be treated, with loving kindness and understanding? Why do we judge others? Why do other people trigger us?

Kant also said, “Wir sehen die Dinge nicht, wie sie sind, sondern wie wir sind,” which translates into, “We see things not as they are but as we are.”

What we see in other people is how we are. These mirrors show up in several different ways. James Gilliland summarizes the Seven Essene Mirrors as follows:

  1. Somebody reflects for us what we are but might not realize that we are. Children are beautiful mirrors. Ask yourself what you notice in your children. Are they showing you something that you are?
  2. Somebody reflects for us what we judge. We have disowned that particular characteristic and are denying that we could ever be that way. There is a strong emotional charge connected to that particular behaviour or trait. Are you harshly judging others as “selfish”, for example? Is taking care of yourself or your own needs possibly something you never allow yourself to do?
  3. Somebody reflects back to us what we have lost in some way, for example our playfulness.
  4. Somebody reflects to us “our most forgotten love”, which could, for example, be a way of life or a relationship.
  5. Somebody reflects our mother or father to us.
  6. Somebody reflects our greatest challenges or fears to us.
  7. Somebody reflects our self-perception. The other person treats us exactly how we perceive ourselves. For example, if I don’t truly respect myself it will show up by others not respecting me.

People reflect to us what we think and fear, and most importantly, how much we love ourselves.

“When we meet each other we also meet ourselves. This is the Mirror Principle that operates in every one of our relationships. And because we always meet ourselves, we also can observe that in every relationship, and even every interaction—at the most basic level—there are only two things really happening. Either we are extending the basic truth ‘I am lovable’ or projecting the basic fear ‘I am not lovable’” (Robert Holden, Loveability, 126/127)

When we lose sight of the truth that we are lovable just for ourselves, we project that fear onto others. Without that essential feeling of loving ourselves, we cannot live successful relationships. Self-love turns our romantic partnerships into truly fulfilling relationships of loving each other unconditional. Self-love is the basis for parents to love their children without conditions, without endless sacrifice or guilt. Self-love is needed to give to people without neglecting ourselves. Self-love guarantees that we truly give from the heart without ulterior motives.

If you want to learn more about mirrors and our shadow, sign up for Darryl Gurney’s four day SHADOW ENERGETICS WORKSHOP from Sept. 25-28.

The Inner Wolf

Do you feel that other people are judging you?

Are you in some way holding yourself back from living life the way you want to because you are afraid that other people won’t approve?

Are you critical and judgmental of yourself?

Who do you judge and for what?

What if you started embracing your judgmental self and all those traits that you fear other people will not like about you? What if you actually started approving of yourself, your whole self? Who would you be if you really loved yourself the way you are? Who would you be if you could just let other people live their life the way they choose without looking at them with judgement?

There is no “good” or “bad” energy. Used with consciousness, all energy, everything that is in us, has a potential, is useful or “good”.

If we deny and hide those things we don’t like about ourselves, we give them power. By starving those supposedly negative or bad traits we make exactly that energy hungry to attack when we are distracted.

white-wolf-black-wolf

It is as if we hold a white wolf and a black wolf inside us. Should we feed the white wolf or the black? Both! If we only feed the white wolf and try to starve the dark one, the later will wait for an opportunity to attack when we least expect it.

“Truth be told, there is a whole pack of wolves running around inside us – the loving wolf, the kind hearted wolf, the smart wolf, the sensitive wolf, the strong wolf, the selfless wolf, the openhearted wolf, and the creative wolf. Along with these positive aspects exists the dissatisfied wolf, the ungrateful wolf, the entitled wolf, the nasty wolf, the selfish wolf, the shameful wolf, the lying wolf, and the destructive wolf. Each day we have the opportunity to acknowledge all of these wolves. All these parts of ourselves, and we get to choose how we will relate to each of them. Will we stand in judgement on some and pretend some don’t exist or are we going to take ownership of the entire pack?” (Debbie Ford, Why Good People Do Bad Things, p.22)

The black wolf also has many important qualities we might need. The angry wolf, for example, helps us to stand up for ourselves, the dissatisfied wolf reminds us to satisfy our needs and desires, the selfish wolf makes sure we are not being taken advantage of, and so on.

If we feed them both by acknowledging their existence and owning them, they will no longer fight to get our attention by surprising us with sudden attacks of that suppressed emotion. We can use each of them as needed. For example, instead of having an angry outburst, we can use the angry energy in a productive way. Anger gives us the feed-back that we perceive something as unfair and helps us “make fair”. By acknowledging its existence in us without judgement, we gain the conscious choice whether we want to engage that energy, or not.

 

Are you ready to acknowledge and own all the black wolves so you can live in harmony with all of yourself?

Mark your calendars for the next Shadow Energetics Workshop taught by Darryl Gurney.

Dates: September 25-28, 2014

Location: Candlelight Drive, Mississauga

Early Bird Special is September 3, 2014.

Register: call or email me

905-286-9466 (Angelika)

greendoorrelaxation@yahoo.ca

 

For more detailed information on course content go to the “upcoming workshops” page.